Musings

A collection of Thoughts

2010-01-05T12:47:00.004Z

Stuff I found today.

A Hamster with a Hat

A really cool Hip Hop Website, I like it's simplicity. Blip.fm is Ego DJ based. HipHop DX is crowd sourced filtering, we will see more of this in the near future.

The definitive guide on how to use twitter. You'd be daft not to read this if twitter is still a bit alien to you.

Hot on the heels of Google buying a Mobile Ad Platform, Apple buy a Mobile Ad Platform. If these two are moving into Mobile in a big way, maybe you should too ;o)

Nobody told me Eminem and Lil Wayne did an amazing track? Awesome.

The Key to finding Work: Motivation

2010-01-04T13:01:00.002Z

Youth Unemployment has recently reached a Record High. The problem appears to be at least partially systemic. We need a boost, a leg up or some help as a Generation

Why is Life After Uni like Treading Water?
The strategies for becoming truly effective at job hunting take time to learn.

When you watch a child learn to walk, the start out very shaky and unsure... but for some reason they just keep trying. They are driven to complete the evolutionary imperative. They learn through trial and error and playing. They are rewarded for effort and quickly achieve.

Now take a young adult fresh out of university facing the job market. They are scared to take the first step and fear failure. Despite being an indictment of our education system, it also shows a key flaw in becoming an adult. We lose our will to fail, to play and to try. It has been proven that if you reward achievement you create students who fear failure. If you reward effort you create students who are less likely to.

How can you Get closer to the Job you Want?
Firstly you want to Identify your Passion & Make a list of the type of jobs you can tolerate. Could you work in an office? Do brands excite you? Maybe you prefer to create?

With most industries people can open the door, but they won't do that until your visible to them. Without Passion and Focus it is very difficult to ever progress from the child on Shaky legs scenario. The sad fact is most people don't try to improve their CV or Career until they are out of work. You may not always be passionate about the work in front of you, but if you can see the path in front of you & break that down into achievable steps you are much more likely to get there.

Such is Life
To find a blog post talking about how to get motivation means two things 1) The Author probably should have been doing something else 2) Nobody is around to give you a kick up the ass, so you gotta do it yourself.

Hard Work brings rewards. Open up that CV Document, do a Google Search and see how you can improve it. Ask anyone who will listen if they know about your passion & when you're done buy yourself a really tasty cookie!

Goals for 2010

2010-01-02T18:53:00.006Z

Inspired by @Chrisbrogan and his prolific nature of setting wildly ambitious targets and then hitting them, it seemed wortwhile to list a few goals for the Record. Someone on twitter earlier mentioned that "2010 is starting like a fairytale, with the snow".

Behind every fairytale story there is a tremendous amount of hard work and slog involved. A few names? Simon Cowell, Duncan Bannetine, Alan Sugar, Steve Jobs, Mark Zuckerberg. All of them achieved success in different ways at different times. Yet they all share a passion for what they do, and understanding of what they need to do next, and the drive to be the best.

Do you?

Goal 1: Move the blog to wordpress. End of January
Why? It's not essential, and it would mean an outlay on webspace once again, but it also gives me access to create the kind of online presence I really want. Moving from beginner to intermediate in the blog world.

Goal 2: Read 52 Books this year. Year End
Why? Despite my youthful rebellion against books, I've always been an avid reader. Maybe it is something you have not taken to. Books sound like the most boring and nerdy thing in the world... but one day I promise you, if you are on a journey for success a book will help you get there.

Goal 3: Achieve financial Target. Year End
Why? Like many under 30, money management isn't a strong point. I can't exactly plead ignorance either. I know how banking works. If you don't it's worth getting educated on the difference between Credit and Debit. Direct Debits may seem like a pain, but they are worthwhile in the long run. Maybe you are like me, and lack a little dicipline

Goal 4: Attend 10 Conferences / Tweetups
Why? People are the real spice of life. Amazing things happen when you make the effort to get out there and enter their world.

What are your goals? I gave myself 40 points for setting 4 pretty tough goals there.

Points make prizes 1000 Points for every Goal Achieved.

How will you do?

How do you make 2010 your Year?

2010-01-01T19:06:00.007Z

Identify your passion. - Target - Jan 31st
The key thing here is not to get bogged down in "What should I do with my life". Instead focus on what you've already done, what you liked about it. Make a list of the top 10 things you ever did. Here's a sample:

For Example
What?: Visited Vegas.
Why?: Got an invite at 2am and by 7am was on a flight.
How did it make you feel?: Alive, happy, free.
What about the experience would you like to repeat?: The travel, meeting people, doing business outside of the office confines.

Repeat this exercise for anything that stands out when you look back on your life. From there you can build a picture of what lights your fire.

You are now a step closer to making 2010 your own.

Points Make Prizes

+ 10 points for every example you create (Maximum 100 pts available)

Plan to make 2010 Yours - Get a Network - Ongoing Task
You now know what you are good at. What are you not good at? This is a harder question to answer than you might think. Who out there will give you a fair appraisal without pulling punches?

The beauty of humanity is despite our inability to be great at everything as individuals, we can use networks to achieve amazing things. You need a network to make 2010 yours

You can get a job by happening to meet the right person, and getting lucky. But you can create your own luck by knowing who you need to meet, where they hang out, and who can introduce you. What is your plan? Who can you network with to get where you need to be?

A couple of good ways to get noticed:
Boost your CV / Resume with Social Networking
Find the kind of job you dream about

Points Make Prizes

+1 Point for Every Twitter follower
+5 Points for everyone you meet (Maximum 100 Pts available)

Plan to make 2010 Yours - Get a Mentor - Target Feb 28th 2010
Find a Mentor. One of the great joys about having achieved success is spotting talent and helping them achieve too. Giving away your knowledge to those who can use it, is about the most rewarding thing you can do.

A Mentor can give you feedback, will have a network, and will be able to help you build yours. These people can open doors for you, but you have to walk through it. Who is your mentor? Is there someone in the Network you have built?

Points Make Prizes

+100 Points for Finding A Mentor (Maximum 100 Pts available)

Plan to make 2010 Yours - Make something happen - Target March 31st
This may sound quite vague, but taking action is the key to progress. How can you use that?

Organise an event
Travel
Attend conferences
Help people in your Network
Read about your passions
Make Lists / Set Goals

It's when you get out there among people, that things happen. As much as Social Networking opens the door, face to face seals the deal. Many of you will have done much if not all of the above before... but 2010 is an opportunity to attack this thing.

What is your Passion?
Do you Have a Network?
Do you Have a Mentor?
What can you Make Happen?

Points Make Prizes

+1000 Pts for creating an event
+100 Pts for Attending events
+10 Pts for Every Book Completed

Have a Great 2010! Remember this is something ongoing, a little competition never hurt anyone, but consistency is more important than what you achieve tomorrow. Think long term and make things happen. Good luck and please let me know how it goes.

Read this post tomorrow, and comment on how many Points you got!

Some Thoughts this Winter

2009-12-26T12:24:00.005Z

The Boxing Day sales have arrived, and I'm yet to see anything that could be described as a bargain. What happened to the credit crunch?
The new Calvin Harris Album is excellent
Why is it no matter how much you earn, it's never enough. When does that turn around?
I finally got my Dad from IE7 / Outlook Express to Chrome / Thunderbird
Thought about moving to Gmail myself to cloudsource myself... can't see the benefit yet though
Tom Davenport will run the Wiltshire massive one day, and is more geeky than I am
It's nearly 2010, we're 10 years into the future, and 5 years from hover skateboards

This has been said before, but it bares recording here. Google will soon have their own Phone, running their own Phone OS, with their own Voice over IP application. So in effect, if I bought a google phone, all I need a network for is a data plan. This means 02 and Vodafone are in serious danger of becoming a commodity provider. Why in the world described above would I want to buy an Apple Phone to pay for my voice calls & pay for data on top?

Want Mobile Payments?

2009-12-21T11:21:00.011Z

The EDC 2009 Global Payments Survey suggested that in the USA, the mobile would replace the wallet over the coming half decade. A bold statement indeed, and something we have all heard before. It's an argument that is winning traction since Square has won itself a lot of attention, mostly for some snazzy web design, and having a certain Jack Dorsey at its helm.

The problem facing these upstarts is that some very exciting companies are trying to create a solution where the consumer doesn't see a problem. Perhaps the greatest degree of disruption will come from developing economies. Payment processors and banks have been attempting to load these territories with credit cards. Whilst this might give a short term revenue burst, where is the strategy?

Africans are already using SMS as a form of payment, because its simple and low tech. Payments in the western world need to be simpler, and have no barrier to entry for the consumer. The consumer has a phone, and has a bank account. They don't have a payment mechanism that works as well as the card.

Until that is the case, we're in an interesting but risky place with mobile. mPayy and oboPay both show a lot of promise in solving the Mobile Payments problem. However until someone is able to package this service and sell it to the banks, Mobile Payments will not take off. Given that most Payment Processors still think "e-commerce" is the future (scary I know), that could take a while.

Odd Ball

2009-12-19T21:25:00.002Z

And they gave me a prosthetic ball. Which the first time a girl licked, I had to giggle. I mean, she didn't even know. Couldn't she tell it has a totally different consistency? "Man this dude has an odd ball".

Maybe thats where "odd ball" came from.

There are some pokes on facebook you hold on to, because you know it will be a while until you get them back. So you return the favour by waiting 6 months yourself. Where as there are some you know you will get back pretty quickly. Sometimes I poke those people just to cheer myself up.

Is it a sign of age that I've never installed iTunes on any machine ever? Or is it just some weird old school geekery. There are teenagers now who never suffered the horror of having Napster shut down, and having to use WinMX because Limewire was full of Spyware. Bad times.

I freakin love Chase and Status.

Was supposed to wake up at midday today, and finish shopping. Woke up at 3, sat around and watched TV. It's been so long since indulging in being lazy. It was actually a pleasure.

Cold Mornings

2009-12-16T20:03:00.002Z

Hooooooooooooooooooooooowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!

Gotta love how Wolves have managed to adapt to the cold and snow. Me? Not so much. I am a walking winter weather dichotomy. On the one hand, give me shorts, and a football and I can run around (not naked) and end up sweaty. Give me all the coats in the world and I freeze.

Why is it when we get older, it feels colder? Do you know? Its bugging the shit outa me.

Leeds #CozyTweetup

2009-12-13T19:44:00.005Z

We came, we saw, we drank!

Big Thanks to hebemedia / leedsonline for the banter and managing to keep @TomDavenport stimulated. That guy has some crazy ideas, and came a long way to share them!

This is why we love Social Media.

Phil will be at the Temple Works this Wednesday in Leeds. An Egyptian Temple... IN LEEDS!

Lisa is the loveliest PR manager I ever met. Enthusiasm is contagious, and I think we ended up infecting all of those around us.

My poor memory resulted in less photos than would have done the meetup justice... but on the strength of this there will be more! Good to meet you guys & girls!

The Social Media Vibe

2009-12-02T15:58:00.018Z

"The vibe" is something that you either love or hate about twitter, and social media. Like everything that is a trend, from the outside it is downright annoying. Partially because everyone won't shut up about it. The criticism is that all people do on twitter is talk about their love of twitter. (Unless they're the celeb stalker type, I'm looking at you Justin Beiber fans).

But is there something to this twitter thing?

The mainstream media loves to talk about how big Facebook got on a slow news day, but you get the sense they still don't take it as seriously as they could... and I'm beginning to think the gap is generational. For this post to make sense, we're going to have to generalise a little, but here goes:

Baby Boomers - Born Prior to 1961

The Baby Boomers still occupy the prominent social & business positions, their thinking is the status quo for how business and society reacts to new trends. Their lens, is the lens we have used successfully for a very long time. Kudos to the Baby Boomers. Things are a changin' though...

Generation X - Born between 1961 and 1981

Generation X or the "MTV" Generation is often cited as the rebel generation and is a little more reactive. Responsible for the .com boom, the growth of the personal technology industry and further liberalisation of media Generation X lived up to its name. It still did all of this through the Baby Boomer lens of Globalisation...

Generation Y - Born between 1976 and 1990

Generation Y is the favourite of AdAge and a whole lot of PR / Marketing companies right now. Understanding Generation Y, is fundamental to getting the Social Media Vibe. Having grown up with technology and to a lesser extent the internet, as a generation; Y see's nothing wrong with giving away its data to the information for convenience. Facebook and Google are trusted because they are Trust Agents, ie. They are trust worthy in the eyes of todays youth.

Social media has real value to these Generation Y types. Not because it's a fad, but because it fits the way they see the world. These views are challenging convention and causing an awful lot of upheaval in the old economy. Just look at how unhappy News Corp is with Google, or the Advertising revenues of Newspapers. The Baby Boomers and Generation X take some level of comfort from the human interaction, but the very key of Social Media is humanising our online interactions. Being ourselves online.

It leads to a lot of philosophical questions. Am I more myself online? In person? Alone? Outdoors?

These kinds of questions don't sit well with the old world, since they challenge some pretty fundemental beliefs. The key is how this change will impact YOU. The way we interact is changing. Knowing the change is coming means you can take action today to be ready as these changes begin sweeping through into daily life, and business as usual. No matter what age you are, these trends beg some very interesting questions indeed.

Maybe you could pitch social media to your company?
Maybe you could start a blog and begin building your digital identitiy?
How about looking into this Social Media thing, are you part of the conversation?
Does this Generation Y lot have a point?

Or you could just wake when the change has already happened. You don't have to do anything, you lucky thing! There is an awful lot to be gained by taking advantage though. Worth a shot right?

Oh and a word to the wise. High pressure sales don't trick anyone but other high pressure sales types. Snake Oil is endangered.

Sitting Comfortably?

2009-11-30T19:17:00.003Z

The Leeds #CozyTweetup just made the big time.

CozyTweetup in Leeds – 10th of December
Hi. I’m Simon, how are ya?

We have a CozyTweetup happening in Leeds, on the 10th of December at 6pm at Boutique

Like you the cozytweetup idea caught my attention. One because the name is very human and inclusive, everything a socially savvy twitter meetup should be… and two because the concept is nifty. Why meet people in a high pressure convention center, when there are far better, more informal places to meet?

Like you I’m on a journey to expand my twitter network, meet people and generally enjoy the process. So the idea struck; why not organise a CozyTweetup in Leeds?

Leeds is Little London, and has a vibrant community of exciting talent, wanting to network, the cozy way. You don’t have to be from Leeds to attend, but given the times involved it’s a head start.
We have The Snug at Boutique, all to ourselves to use and abuse. It is just off Call Lane in Leeds, between Normans and Mook. If you’re struggling for directions, drop me a note @sytaylor and I’ll hook you up with the info you need

A big Thanks to Mazi for the assist. So who's coming?

Date for your Diary: 10th December

2009-11-16T18:59:00.006Z

Keep December 10th Clear...

Since this post, The Leeds #cozytweetup has generated an awful lot of buzz and interest among the brightest and best in the Leeds Social Media circles.

The idea comes from www.cozytweetup.com & the brain behind @mazitv The goal of the #cozytweetup is to come meet like minded twitter users, in a relaxed environment. Why? Because you guys rock!

So here's the deal. We have a special location lined up on December 10th, 6pm to 9pm at Boutique We have the "snug" to ourselves, so it defintely fits the bill as cozy. Come meet the most influential twitter users in the Leeds area... Find out what makes them tick, tock.

If you would like to get involved, drop me a note at sy@sytaylor.net or on twitter @sytaylor

We have Leeds Guide coming to give us a visit, as well as some of the better known PR agencies in the area. This is the perfect opportunity to meet the right people, in the right setting with the right amount of time to stick December 10th in your diary...

Remember December 10th. Leeds is about to get twitteriffic.

Battle Scars

2009-11-14T21:51:00.002Z

Music tends to find you at your worst points, and help you understand that feeling that splits your heart in two. It's when you've been fighting for months on end against yourself, you can feel something that never felt happening before. Hope is here.

When my heart stops beating, and my lungs stop beating, I hope somebody cares. When you're under a cloud, you become very good at making excuses, and pretending everything is OK. It's called justifying. Taking the truth and bending it to suit your weaknesses. The battle with yourself is the hardest because you believe your own bullshit.

I believed mine. For the longest time.

What's more the stronger you are, the stronger your resistance to those who are trying to help. Sometimes we do the worst thing, when we're trying to do the right thing.

My excuses were carefully crafted, and the walls so well built nobody could get past them, they ended up liking me in spite of them. I don't care if I don't sleep at night, I just wanna get this right. Disappointment has a name; laziness.

You know the fear of success, it's the thing that makes you check facebook instead of calling a friend. You know the fear of success, it's the thing that scares you from telling someone how you feel. You know the fear of success? It sucks. Its everywhere. Its gotta go.

Half of my heart is a shotgun wedding to a bride with a paper ring, half of my heart is the part of me who never truly loved anything. Half won't do.

Who says I can't be free, from all of the things I used to be? It's been a long 9 months working for TSYS, yet I owe my boss an incredible amount. I needed a kick up the ass to start solving the problems that were building up and causing me to be unhappy. The only person in my way was me. Now I feel free.

It's been a long time coming, but maybe, just maybe... I'm becoming the man always wanted to be.

The Leeds #CozyTweetup

2009-11-11T13:14:00.004Z

What is #Cozytweetup and why the heck should I care?

You love Twitter, you love this social media thing, and you especially love the type of people it attracts. Yet the whole thing is about attending conferences which cost hundreds of pounds to attend. What if bright young things could ride a wave of Social Networking talent, and meetup with the leaders in the field from their area...

I present, the Leeds CozyTweetup.

From the website

CozyTweetup was created thanks to a conversation between @Mazi @Ilicco and @Darenbbc on Twitter about gathering for a quiet meal one evening. The meal turned out to be a, not so quiet, 20 strong crowed at Pizza Express where a lot of fun was to unfold.

Due to the success of the first CozyTweetup more followed and the event has attracted sponsors from companies such as Magners, Tweetdeck, Next Web, Media 140 and Mixcloud to name a few. In true Twitter style the word just keeps spreading and the demand for them continue to grow.

CozyTweetup’s are relaxed and fun, providing a fantastic opportunity for Twitter users to connect in real life. There’s no agenda other than to come along, chat and have fun! You don’t have to be a whizz on a computer or a social media expert to attend. The event is for everyone and the more diverse, the better.

What's next?

Watch this space for Venue and Time / Date details. If you're interested, or think you can help in any way, contact me. sy@sytaylor.net

Culture and Creativity Collide

2009-11-04T15:27:00.006Z

Inspiration is a wonderful idea. Depending on how cynical you feel today, it's either that aspirational poster on your bosses office, or it's that spark of mania where you believe you are actually Jesus and about to solve world poverty with a stick.

As the world gets smaller, we temporarily lost our local influences and culture has spread across borders. We in the West can now dine around the world, within 5 minutes of any major city center. We are also truly multicultural, not without problems... but we do live among each other. You mesh all that together and mix it up, and the mashups of creativity are yeilding aweomeness like; Bollywood Dubstep, Chinese cinematic epics and Russians singing Katie Perry.

If that's not entertainment nothing is!

For some this happened in the horrible, corporate way. The British Pub in Disney Epcot is a shining example of what is not culture. Initially Culture was dominated by the Music and Movie industries. The internet has had an interesting decentralising role. By giving power back to the little guy. The best little guy's in the world, are getting famous!

The value in real influence is however greater than ever. If you sort through the populist chaff, and there is some very wholesome influence available.

What influences you? Here's my (short & not in order) list:

Battlestar Galactica
Epic Video Game Music
Incubus
Ceasar Milan
Reading books
Clouds
Travelling
Conversation

Diversify what you see, hear, feel, taste, touch and smell and you will automatically become more creative. Inspiration. Where do you get yours?

Network Building - Location Based

2009-11-02T11:35:00.004Z

There is nothing more distasteful than a cliché to start a blog post with, so instead this one starts with some good old common sense. The bigger your network, the easier your life.

I always loved those old Mafioso types who could hook you up with anything you need. Picture the scene. It's the 1930s and you just walked into a bar after your car broke down. You're having a terrible day, and the barkeep and his whiskey collection is your only friend. On telling the good barkeep about your troubles, he mentions "I know a guy, Jimmy Hands can fix you right up".

So it struck me recently, that whilst my bunch of friends is wonderful and I do pretty well meeting people, it's never something I really attacked with purpose. For some reason this morning, I figured why not try some location based searching on twitter? See if anything interests me.

Today I'm reminded of why I love twitter. The Advanced Search feature lets you search for tweets by location. Most people from Leeds infrequently mention Leeds in their tweets. When you think about it, it makes sense. Why would you mention where you are from in everything you say?

Give it a shot, simply enter your location, and a radius you want to connect, and then see if anything looks interesting. Interest lead search is GENIUS. I could lose myself in it for days. Humanity comes off looking a lot smarter when you filter for things you are interested in :p

Lets see how well this whole network building thing works. Bookmarks updated, daily search of Leeds based tweets ftw

Payments Innovation

2009-10-26T14:35:00.001Z

Is the payments industry and innovation diametrically opposed? Banks, payments infrastructure & the business model we use has been the same for at least 30 years if not more.

Are there good reasons for this?

Looking at the payments sector, you have very large slow moving clients who until the past decade have been entrenched in a risk averse position. This has lead to the rise of compliance, propriety standards and data silos.

In effect the industry built walls around itself and then asked the consumer to come to it. The consumer, who had little choice at the time took the best offer on the table.

In a sub prime housing bubble, with strong profits and even stronger bonuses, what motivation was there for change? The collective wisdom of all in the industry was that the security offered by existing infrastructure and Gatekeepers worked well.

We had an evolutionary change when Generation X revealed to the world it's new age. The Internet brought The Information age. Sure enough, 5 years later most banks were thinking about online banking. A typically slow, but measured reaction given the sheer amount of security required.

Now Generation Y has revealed its own masterpiece. We call it Social Media. No doubt like "World Wide Web" and "Netscape" Social Media and 2.0 are terms that will die with the buzz that created them. Yet when the dust settles what will remain is the value.

The Generation Y consumer's core values differ greatly from the Payments Industry. Generation Y wants instant access, 24/7 and to own the interaction. The risk of not granting this wish is that Generation Y are not shy about rubbishing bad service. Or on the flip side praising good service.

How can the payments industry take advantage? This is the challenge of innovation.

Another Twitter Commentary Blog

2009-10-26T11:10:00.008Z

Blogging about twitter is now so popular it has become a cliché. It's a loop of people talking a funny language about a confusing service to the outsider. Yet there are those who go crazy about it's potential with a kind of zeal usually reserved for religion or sports fanatics.

Why then has the growth become a little sluggish? I can only relate this to my own experience, and those who I have tempted to try twitter and who eventually gave up. See, the whole thing is a bit daunting and weird at first. It's not like spotify, hulu or facebook in that signing up actually feels like you're doing something satisfying or worthwhile.

You sign up with no followers, nobody to follow and the whole thing is very dark.

Simplicity is the key for many of the larger social media mega sites. Despite the message presented by the media, and the best intentions of those willing progress, the vast majority of people are still internet novices.

Lightweight internet use covers your occasional youtube visit, possibly even iplayer and access to online music. The lightweight user also probably uses their PC as a Word Processor, however this user is still not digitally connected in the way many of the social media and technology savvy are.

There are hundreds of services that try to wrap up other services into one simple and easy to use application. Still from the user perspective it's confusing.

Twitter falls into this category of a service with hundreds, if not thousands of apps. Now unless you are following your favourite celebs, how do you get involved? Twitter has an interesting ecosystem and may find the answer. However so far, it seems to require the brilliance of a Mark Zuckerberg to really engage users with a valuable product.

Twitter clearly has value. It's faster than the news for breaking news, an amazing way to check the pulse of humanity and the first service where people come together based on interest rather than social structure.

Does that mean it is useful to your Mum? Probably not. If you're missing the twitter revolution and you want to make a difference in the world. It's wise to get clued up. Otherwise, let the thing happen. It's still very early in its development, and you're not missing much... Yet.

I have been wrong.

2009-10-19T13:48:00.003+01:00

The liberation of being wrong, having it pointed out, then being told how to fix it is hard to measure.

Until recently I held a self limiting belief that I was uber talented, and the world refused to recognise it. I felt hard done by. The problem with that mindset is, that yes whilst I had some results and a few things I could point to as being "better than average". There was nothing other people pointed to and went "woah". (With the odd mind blow sentence being the exception)

When something comes along that questions your mindset, the usual response is denial and excuse. The world is very forgiving of denial and excuse, because most people do it too.

Being smarter than the people I grew up with, didn't automatically mean I was smarter than everyone I met. Having a few good ideas, didn't qualify me as unique. Those ideas have no value without action.

The problems in my life are my fault. Destructive behavior like over spending means I don't have spare cash to buy things I want. Not pursuing girls hard enough means, I don't have high quality girls in my life. It's only at work where there are people who see the talent and WANT it to shine, that I get challenged. You know it really bothers me, that I know women who can never meet the right guy. I could be that guy for them, but I am just too lazy or forgetful. Irritating!

I love a challenge. But am fundamentally lazy.

Now I see this. I see it everywhere.

I am two people in one. I can be distant, uninterested and bored even when there are plenty of reasons not to be. Or I can be engaging and the most interesting person you ever met. There is very little rhyme or reason to these flows. It probably has something to do with hormones, mood and the lunar cycle. Learning to manage it, and even it out is a bugger though. Consistency would be nice.

I feel like breaking the cycle with a little adventure.

I woke up at 4am with a dream.

2009-10-10T17:15:00.004+01:00

There are no words, only a feeling.

What I needed was the gym, it set me right and made it all ok again.

I woke up at 4am with a dream. A dream that your DNA could be linked to a unique OpenID, and at a stroke, the internets trust issues are solved. What separates us from everyone else in the world is who we are. The quirks, the broken bits and the mistakes.

To be human is to be wrong, broken and fail... then to still have the desire to get back up the next day and do it all again. I'm growing to love humanity for this aspect, in fact all life has it. We just get up and have such desire to survive.

Frustration of aging

2009-10-08T19:51:00.003+01:00

For the first time in as long as I can remember, I'm working for a boss who wants to help me improve, and will go the extra mile to help me. In business a rare experience. It feels all shiny and new... like when you get a new phone.

The current job is great, except for the 50 minute commute either side (in good traffic). There are prospects, good people and the company has a pretty strong future. The weird sensation is being right back in the politics of it all though. Having to actually battle to get work done, and not fall into the blame game takes it out of you.

It's a strange company where you have to fight to do a project, you also have to fight to get it delivered, and resourced. Then if it slips because of anything at all, people always try to stick it on you. I'm used to a process world. Where everyone goes to look for the email chain and evidence first. This is insanity. Luckily my boss has the experience to teach me how to fight back, and will do so on my behalf when I'm out.

As a result I WILL work my ass off for that guy... BUT.

The whole thing doesn't feel right. I can't do this forever.

I feel stressed out, and like I never have spare time. My mum just moved house and is getting lonley and I can't go see her more than once a week because I have to work so hard just to keep work and my own life going. I get it, people have harder lives, but this is tough because there is no respite.

I feel bad about not having seen my Dad or Grandmother in nearly 6 months. They're not bad people. I miss them. The plans to control my life, they're in place, but always seem just around the corner.

I am frustrated. I want fun, and to see friends again, see my family and have some spare "ME" time left after all of that. Surely with all that, my contribution is valueable. My ideas useful?

Rant over. If you can relate, tell me how you got out of it! :)

The most helpful Services on the Internet!

2009-10-06T15:27:00.011+01:00

Some helpful Resources

Rockstars vs Narcissists is a great piece by @BrettBorders who breaks down the two main schools of thought for twitter user. Be helpful vs Broadcast your life to people whether they like it or not.

ChrisBrogan.com sums up what is right about the Social Media movement, and is basically the poster boy. I have a raging hetro geek crush on him.

It's not just individuals that can be helpful. Kublax a service similar to mint.com will give you stats about where you spend your money based on your bank account details. What's more their blog is lifehacker.com levels of helpful, but in more depth.

Speaking of lifehacker.com I've written far more akward and long winded posts than this one, on how you can pretty much learn anything these days from Google / Wikipedia. Add lifehacker to those tools.

All Problems can be Solved:
Try it yourself. What is bugging you right now? The car needs fixing? Don't have enough spare cash? Need to make more space around the house?

Go type that into Google. The revolution has already happened, now you just gotta learn how to make the best use of it!

If this post is teaching you to suck eggs and lacks that cynical edge I tend to specialise in, good you're already there. You are already able to use the "Web 2.0" to its full potential. There is a lot to be said for admitting when we suck, and the ability to write in a clear and helpful way is something that I had to try.

Now for our regularly scheduled programming. Some random thoughts:

Felicity is a great name.
Mashable rock.
I'm starting to like punk music again.
Double Sailor Jerrys + Cola is a tasty way to a hangover.
My Mum is the sweetest person alive: Fact.
The whole world is one big cadburys cream egg

Cool R&D

2009-09-28T13:34:00.004+01:00

What are the best / coolest Research and Development Departments you can think of?

History teaches us a thing or two:

Xerox Parc once had one of the best known to man (or pooch). Widely credited with bitmap graphics, the WYSIWUG text editor, Ethernet, Object Oriented Programming and of course the Graphical User Interface. Not bad for a photocopying company. Apple did well to swoop in and take credit for a lot of the above.

In modern examples who do we have though? Who is really pushing the boundaries? Steve Ballmer of Microsoft mentioned in a recent interview @Techcrunch that Microsoft spend $9.5 Billion a year on R&D.

A pretty impressive figure, but when you consider most of that investment is in the 5 core business functions, Microsoft are investing heavily to stand still and then move forward in a very fast moving technology market.

Paypal have announced Innovate 09 a conference dedicated to their new upstream payments and future innovations. Even in a traditionally compliant market, the internet and networking is having an impact and changing the rules. Rules we now have to question.

Then you have the startup big three of social media. Facebook, Twitter and Google (What blog would be complete without name checking the biggest dogs in the yard?). These have to be the prime examples of human based interaction and Interest led innovation. The key with all of them is they have managed to tap into something brilliant about humans. When inspired we will work our socks off, and almost for free.

Not everyone has a killer budget to blow on "Cool R&D" but there are some steps we can take in the right direction. We're witnessing a changing of the guard in the working population. Generation X now holds the key the baby boomers once had, and Generation Y is finally making it's presence felt. We have two digital natives in the working crowd, but we still work in our compliant business speak / mid-90s ivory towers, hidden behind the Baby Boomers.

Business Gametheory is all together quite a useful tool. So is your Google Fu and ability to demonstrate personality from miles away. Business always felt stuffy and full of protocol. There is defintely a place and time for professionalism. It's losing it's traction as a key tool though. The population wants your company to show its human side.

Chris Brogan wrote something wonderful about "How to Level Up" taking the RPG concept of building your character and applying it to your business life. It can be applied to all life. It can be applied to the gym too! The idea of making achievement measureable and satisfying is something that seems to mistify our education system, yet we naturally seek it out.

Just like we naturally seek out our interests. Cool R&D requires understanding the massive benefits of the long term view, but crucially understanding ourselves better.

It's time

2009-09-27T12:01:00.003+01:00

It's time, after years of speculation about maybe doing something amazing with my life, the light at the end of the tunnel seems a little closer.

The question: If you could design your own life, what would it look like? Struck me as quite an easy one to answer at the high level. It's only when you have to start detailing it, suddenly it seems a little harder. Maybe this makes me a geek, but I always wanted to travel, be on the leading edge of technology and network my way to the top.

The problem was I could never square that with a day job that was basically project management or some variant thereof, for quite a few years. I was in effect a reasonably successful wheel turner.

Something in the raw evangelism and hope of "Think and Grow Rich" first jumped out at me in 2005. What followed were my first few steps into trying to make something happen, and the ill-fated ourbook/webook.com idea. As any of you who have tried and failed will know, at the exact second you have an idea, at least 10 others do. The aim and focus is to just get something out there. I didn't, and regretted it like crazy when something remarkably similar popped online in 2008.

I met this crazy talented networker in 2006, shortly after having read "The Game" by Neil Strauss and again altering my perception of life. Having seen ourbook.com go nowhere for a year due to immense inexperience and having not "just executed", I wasn't about to allow the same to happen again. Within 4 months we had a website online, and a community building. What's more my career at work was moving somewhere. I weilded real power and respect, and I liked the taste.

A year later we weren't much further down the line, my health took a turn for the worse and my career in BT was little to write home about. Despite this, my ability to network and really engage people was beginning to blossom. It was a transition period from talented raw lump of clay, into something resembling self sufficient and useful. Like any transition it was painful and wrought with near misses, false starts and soul searching.

While 2008 was the toughest year yet, it was also probably the most important in shaping the build up. I tried in vain with a few more "big ideas", but the passion just wasn't there. Convinced that if my stock was ever going to rise, it would be through one on one networking. The result was quite a bit of perception altering travel. A porn convention, spring break and leaving a very safe comfortable job with regular income...

I loved the freedom of not working 9 to 5. Despite starring down the barrel of moving back in with the parents, it felt right. At these times instinct guides far better than logic. Logic says take the money, reduce costs and get rich slowly. Who ever met a happy vulcan though?

It's also no secret that whilst for the first time, I find myself in a career position where I could very slowly work my way through the ranks, the traditional way. Logic again says get rich slowly...

But then there is this other thing. If I could design my own life what would it look like?

Big question indeed.

Testing Disqus

2009-09-23T17:16:00.002+01:00

So I may have finally found the missing link between social networks and my blog. It's called Disqus and it's an interesting middle man! One identity, everywhere, always.

3 Steps to Innovation

2009-09-15T11:10:00.006+01:00

Of the many companies out there who have reformed their horrible customer service records in the past few years, Dell have really caught a wave. They like Apple figured out they don't own their customer. The customer owns the interaction, and should be allowed to shape the products.

So how can we innovate within our sector, and company? Can we take lessons from Silicon Valley without appearing utopian and naive?

Every company outside of the ancient whales (AT&T etc) will have good management *somewhere*. In my particular case our Sales department wins more work than we can handle. By solving a problem in their world you grab attention, and maybe get yourself a very useful contact on the way.

Step 1: The Sounding Board. Until you find your key contact, who's going to tell you if your ideas suck? This is where twitter and a good network comes in handy. Good ideas will prompt responses.

Step 2: The Nugget. Senior Management has a short attention span, and a PA sifting through emails. Ideally you want a killer nugget to throw in person, but if like me genius tends to strike at 3am, a punchy little email will do it. Something about the competition innovating, and how you could steal their clothes? A way to cut out the workload for smaller clients? The Nugget grabs attention and may lead to the meeting

Step 3: The Meeting: Take a book to be reading before the meeting, "What would Google do" is a good start. If you strike it lucky your meeting will be that mania filled "this is where the company should be" affairs. If so you have found yourself an ally with genuine stroke in the company.

Now you need funding and a business case for innovation. This is the fun part. Being Generation Z and very visually motivated that shouldn't be a problem for you though ;)

Blog Number two today

2009-09-05T18:23:00.002+01:00

It would appear I'm on a roll, and that the answers to all our questions come from doing nothing all day. Or at least being a little anti social and reading, then writing all day.

We are as a species fundamentally pleasure seeking creatures. The dopamine reward response is so incredibly powerful, and gives you a binary choice. Pleasure now, or disappointment in not having pleasure now. There is no tomorrow as far as your reward circuits are concerned.

Even knowing you saved money, is something you feel immediately. When the moment passes you no longer have a connection to how you felt about the action a moment ago. This means we humans are capable of tricking ourselves, and so on a regular basis because it feels like the right choice.

The hard choice is usually the right one, but not always. Without any indulgence we either become boring or bhuddist, a byword for boring. Although maybe bhuddists do have it figured out. By not attaching to outcome, they enjoy simply being.

How can I apply this in daily life?

Enjoy making the harder decision, and see it as character building. I've done this before, and still consistently fall back into bad habits. Are there any other tools besides willpower to beat temptation? Preferably that don't involve making lists or going out of your way too much. I need dopamine for avoiding temptation. Can I associate being happy with making the long term choice?

I have not signed up for an egg 0% card to transfer some debt balance, because I forgot my password and don't use the email address I signed up with. So it probably won't happen. It means ringing up, which is LONG. That "LONG" is like a fear of loss, or loss aversion, but what am I losing, comfort? Failure?

Untitled.

2009-09-05T12:57:00.006+01:00

It always starts with a notepad, an idea and a spark.

Then the notepad gets unwieldy and the plain text is not good enough at formatting for my visually dominant brain. I can't sing, my dancing is almost acceptable and my writing is nothing short of not bad.

There must be a hundred or so texts around of me ranting on my troubles with ideas. So forgive me if this comes off a little hopeless. Deep down the problem is that it feels like I should be better at this.

Do thoughts get lost in translation between the spark and the fully formed text? (Oh look I posed myself a question to answer in another paragraph, original technique there).

Crap, I write like the woman from Sex and the City.

Stephen Fry described his writing process as a traumatic marathon of early mornings, and mid 80s hardware purchases. I worry if mine is nowhere near as epic. Throw on some big sounding emo (yes emo) and leave whatever words feel right on the screen. All the sites teaching you to write say revise, replace and simplify. For some reason my stubbornness insists that these short bursts of creativity are the answer. In a couple of hours time it will be gone, and seem futile. Maybe if I could tie all these bursts together with some editing...

That said I've wanted outsource tasks that baffle and frustrate me for a long time. One of you out there has to be a brilliant editor missing a spark. Be the yin to my yang.

But you know what really pisses me off? If someone else asked these questions I'd have an awesome answer like. "Well it takes practice and discipline to get good at something, force yourself to do it until it works". Yet I don't want to feel like a part of history, the grass is greener on the other side syndrome.

The quarter life crisis was supposed to end with the illness and introspection. The arrogance of it all doesn't escape me, that the number one topic I blog about is me. But then it's the key battle too. Being a success in the eyes of most just kinda happened. The apartment, car, and career.

I am not my apartment.

I am not my car.

I am not my job.

Who am I? Right now the only answer comes back, is a potentially talented nobody with good ideas but nothing to show for it but half finished, almost brilliance.

Maybe it's a pessimistic outlook, but it feels right. I need to learn this lesson. It takes forcing yourself and working to get results. Here I am holding on to the hope, that usually when you're about to give up something good happens. Although, I've held on to that one a few times for it not come through.

Fundamentally I bought into the idea that I could achieve greatness. Head above the parapit, Mark Zuckerberg world alerting brilliance, or just reverence in my field. The guy who hired me at work told me "You are the most exciting talent I've seen in a long time". Not good enough. Why should I believe middle management? Give me something to believe in myself, something that is real.

Something I can point to, in a moment of reflection and say "I did that", without having to explain what it is. Tim Ferris lives the 4 hour work week. A fantastic utopia of life balance. I could actually spend more time working, if I found something I loved enough and could STICK at it. Instead of once a week, or every two weeks.

A Near, Dear Miss.

2009-08-07T10:25:00.002+01:00

Reality is what we know, plant a seed and watch it grow. We live in a world where the sun rises and sets. Our life is timeboxed into beginning middle and end. The seasons flow, the tides ebb small things become big, live, grow and die.

So why then is it still so very heart wrenching when you get a phone call saying "Your mum has just had a heart attack, she's on her way to hospital". How do you deal with that information? My reaction was intense anxiety, followed by my usual frontal lobe calm. Ok go tell the boss and just go.

This of course didn't stop me shouting at traffic in my way en route the hospital. Nor did it stop me eulogising my mother's brilliance. When you start thinking what you'd say at someone's funeral, and it makes you emotional then you have some stuff to tell them. I've tried to live my life by this rule, never leave things unsaid. Sadly when the sunshine is the sky, and we feel aright, we have no reason to tell people how we feel. There will always be tomorrow.

Then it rains, and it rains hard. No matter how strong you are, the little things always get in your way. The travel, paying bills, staying still.

All of this stress came, not because of the activities themselves, but from guilt. I felt like I haven't spent enough time with my Mum, or thanked her for the wonderful job she did raising me. Yes, typical only child right? Add to that the fact my Mum was never supposed to have children. I am literally a miracle. I've been made to feel that special every day of my existence, and the act of breathing makes my Mum happy.

No more though. I'm 25, lay down your worries Mum. I got this life.

I love you motherbear.

Post; Haste

2009-07-13T17:26:00.003+01:00

I needed to write, but for the first time instead of words streaming out of my conciousness, I'm actually bothered about the quality. I want to do this emotion justice. It seems having very strong critical instincts is paralysing for creativity, especially when trying to express how you feel at your core.

Still; I want to record how I'm feeling, in the hope that maybe I'll look back and take something from it. Or that by writing it down, and pressing publish it will help me understand.

I prefer dogs to people as a rule. So losing Aggy has been really really tugging at the tear ducts. Not that I've fallen about in angst since I heard the news, but that large skull below was my confidant. The one living thing that knew everything about me. I mean its that it's only when I saw Aggy that I felt well after the cancer in 07.

There is something about the calming reliability of a dog. They are there, they are staying with you and are furiously loyal to you. Which I guess is something we humans don't grant each other very often. At the risk of sounding cynical, I'm observing how often humans sell each other out even to relative strangers. If it's talking the ear off a stranger about a best friend who wronged you, or if it's the dance of wanting to be wanted... We are a species who just can't commit to anything.

I read an interesting article about how our conciousness is actually something our emotions manipulate. Sure we're pretty convinced the reason we dislike the traffic warden is because logically they are parasitic in nature... but the real reason we don't like them is because they feel like they are a bit mean.

We can't use that language of course, that would risk feeling embarrassed, and self preservation dictates we cannot feel anything... but controlled bursts of melancholy or joy shared in a group.

So then society runs to its drugs, its rollercoasters and its art. It runs because it can't face itself. We have wonderful tools of expression and yet cannot say hello in the pure, and simple way an animal does. With all of ourselves. I'm as guilty of this as anyone. As an empath I'm just as likely to reciprocate awkwardness as I am openness.

I will miss my dog because pushing my face into the big skull of that rottie made me feel alive, made me feel welcomed and gave me that release that very little else in life (besides yin) can provide. The lesson I'm trying to teach myself by articulating this is to take more risks not less. Maybe I'll take a few followers on the way too.

To get what I want, I'm going to have to keep changing, and challenging myself on things I held dear. Doing so will require being way out of my comfort zone. It's strange then, that at the top of the mania cycle, making friends is easy, humour is natural to me and creativity happens. You can't force a fate you think is right, but perspective will always, always win the day.

With that I'm going to step back, and list some of the good times and memories I had of Aggy, in a log file, stored away on my pc. I miss you Aggy, you were such a good dog and my life is better from having known those big brown eyes and that fat head. xxx

Every day...

2009-06-14T11:50:00.002+01:00

That overbearing guilt of not living your life the way you feel you should. Yeah that, you know it? I've had it an awful lot latley, working all day, to come home from the gym and collapse into a heap. All these ideas end up as useless reminders on my phone, and dreams for tomorrow. Think they better wait til tomorrow, gotta make sure it's right, so til tomorrow goodnight.

The only way out of a cycle like that is travel. It sets back my financial goals, but it helps my soul, so on balance it has to be a good thing.

So I'm going to Amsterdam in two weekends time with my favourite little person (full grown, just small, and funky), in the form of Cat. I love internet comparison sites for allowing me to book this jaunt into an amazing city, and stay there for £28/night. Now my only task is to pack as much fun into is as possible, after I've loaded the Mp3 player with sunshine friendly music.

I'm still thinking, and can't possibly communicate through this blog all the thoughts running through my head. But, I'm happy and that's what matters. I hope you are too. Wherever you are.

The Best thing in Life is...?

2009-05-10T16:57:00.002+01:00

That noise dogs make when they are excited. It sounds like OMFFF HARUMPHHHH OFFLUGHM, AFFLUM. It makes no sense whatsoever if you don't have a dog. But if you do, well that's just a magical way of saying hello.

I love getting phone calls from excited people too. Annie wins in the excited phone call wars. "I'm just riding my bike, it's so exciting!!!". Maybe it's because its Spring time, maybe it's something to do with the economy, or maybe its pure coincidence... but there seems to be an abundance of happy around at the moment. Kudos to Karma.

The new Star Trek film got the Heroes / Lost makeover from JJ Abrahams who is brilliant at the human side to a story, but I'm pretty glad they didn't let his imagination run wild and kept to some canon in there. Reliably, Sorah informs me that it is to the Star Trek franchise what Begins was to the Batman franchise. The key for me was the casting of Pegg, who doesn't take bad roles unless he wrote it.

The SCIENCE album by Incubus doesn't get enough love. It's been one of those weeks where you need new music in your life (and by new, I mean music you haven't heard before, or in a while. Instead of whatever tripe some children in Kent just came up with). Currently digging asleep in the bread aisle by Asher Roth (who must be named after Asteroth the Soul Calibur character). As well as Deadmau5's album, which is both funky, and chunky sounding.

This has been my stream of conciousness.

Enjoying life's rear view Mirror.

2009-05-08T09:41:00.003+01:00

Looking through old photos on facebook in the sunshine is me savouring the after taste of great moments.

Listening to some amazing music over the top is quite possibly my favourite thing except clouds. Travelling back from London last Friday was one of those train journeys where you end up making stories out of the cloud formations. Don't get me wrong, GQ was perfectly interesting, with its amusing lists, and facts about bears going crazy when you give them toothpaste. It could not compete with the cloud, and Mp3 player combination.

Compared with even a year ago life is so much better. I mean sure the economy went to shit, and I have more debt than I did, but things are going well. So well that during the train ride I mentioned above the following idea hit. Why on earth aren't major coporates delivering content over IP solutions? There are risks being first to market, but c'mon, Apple proved so long as the interface is right it will sell, even if it lacks features.

Geeks inherited the earth, and ruined it. Well ok, so movies got better, but the way we market technology is all numbers. Men in their 30s used to be playing their commadore 64 as kids, and now have marketing, or software jobs. So the geek has changed, and gone more underground, bitching and whining about how every movie isn't the same as the comic or cartoon. They must now compete to be more of an outcast, to be geek cool.

I want a new phone. The LG arena looks pretty.

That's about how much thought has gone in to it, that and I really like thier Michael Jackson remix on the advert. So yeah, Content-over-IP google? You can buy the idea off me (even though I just gave it away, and it's probably been thought of and has technology / lack of investment issues). But Google can fix it. They're like Jimmy Savile for the post .com era.

Buying a new watch and 3 new shirts made me feel badass. There is an argument that says as a result I'm fickle. But if I feel better, and look better, and can afford it... is it a bad thing? Materialism does go too deep with some, but the high minded outrage it provokes is painful.

I'm in limbo between capeable, experied 30 something who has been there done that, and quite content to raise a family & a raging party animal. The duality is interesting to experience, and just as interesting to step back from and go "woah". I mean Asher Roth is 2 years younger than me! I'm getting old by social standards, and if not certainly by media standards, yet I feel like I'm only just hitting my stride. Late bloomer WHUT.

Controlling ADD, and doing things Properly

2009-04-19T14:33:00.009+01:00

So the lovley Christina Z sent me a message saying "Struggling to subscribe", and I noticed, I really don't get how all this blogging lark works. I mean, sure the whole posting thing is simple enough, and I got a twitter feed quick enough. Yet when it came to really digging in the underbelly of blogger I got confused.

So now not only do I have a PC that is infested with Mac OSX and slowly killing the memory of my beloved Vista. It turns out I'm behind the times with this 2006 phenomeonon known as blogging. Am I getting OLD?

It's way more likley that I'm becoming retro cool. No?

Approaching my 25th is strange. Old people who used to be cool when I was younger are now older people who have kids that find them uncool. I always knew this cycle happened, but witnessing it happen is a whole new experience. Honestly, I don't quite know how to feel about this observation. Key candidate for being one of those. Mr Ryan. This "kids today don't get it" thing is big.

It seems people turn thirty, realize they are becoming uncool in the eyes of offspring, but no longer care because their life has moved on. But in their own world, there is still a high school hierachy. We humans are strange.

The definition of cool even changes. We live in a world where men in their 30s, were the MTV Generation. They are no longer cool, but have the exact same culture. In their world they still are too. It's madness. I now get why OAPs love the slow dance thing. That was their rock and roll. Wait, it kinda was rock and roll. Colour me spooked.

Life Eventful?

Yeah. It's reaching the point where I'm activley trying to manage my life. Turns out it's a big freakin task. Lifehacker only helps so much. Can't I outsource that kinda stuff? I actually can't wait for technology to take up my human weakness caused slack. I have a terrible memory. It can only be improved so much by brain training and list making.

Give me a life extension. Like a firefox extension, I just install it into my face, and everytime I want to remember something, I just set the reminder. Can you imagine how much better life would be if you never forgot stuff?

Ahh we can dream.

Last Bank Holiday was MESSY. There are terrible photos, good memories and smiles. Catching up with people is fun, doing it in the sunshine is funè.

I guess it's because life is really good at the moment, and I don't want it to end. Like all things I enjoy, in the midst of enjoyment is the horrible brittle feeling that the emotion will pass soon. Nothing is permenant so we just chase the feeling again.

Words running through my head:

Bromance.
Cool new LG Phone
Aggy is large
Blame it on the boogie.
ADD is difficult to manage
Lots of people in my life at the mo woo.
Still people I need to catch up with
Need a PA.
Wow that was almost coherent.
Scrubs is shit.
Need to get into southpark.
God I wish I could focus.
The Wii Fit is not a legitimate fitness product
Annie Parker is the greatest little goo face
Sunshine feels good to me, plants must love it
Morrisons has some surprising DVD offers.

Do the Sunday dance.

2009-04-12T17:02:00.003+01:00

Working day and night, whatever happens do the dance.

Whoever invented bank holidays rocks. The sun is shining, and anything that moves, knows where to be. I don't know why the sunshine makes us feel so much better. It's probably genetic and something to do with the need to procreate and pass on DNA. Whatever the reason, it feels pretty good being alive right now. I hope we never become a pure logic species, we'd miss out on so much agonizing about efficiency when fun is what matters.

Let's get this party started right, lets get drunk and freakified.

Headaches, Cure. Brilliant Ideas and Ketchup

2009-03-28T20:00:00.004Z

As with all my blogs, they start all friendly and end up with the bigger thoughts and ideas. It gets you in the mood for thinking though so it's all good.

The best things in life are free, but you can give them to the birds and bee's... I want chicken. That's what I want.

There are few things as amazing as cooking for yourself, food your parents made as a treat when you were younger. This may sound a little trivial to some, but the sheer JOY I experienced cooking Birds Eye Crispy Chicken Dippers with Potato Waffles was only outdone by the JOY that followed when I ate them. I even used the spice mill thing to dip the chicken into ketchup. This is by no means the most nutritious or best meal ever... but it rocked my world.

Cream Eggs are nearly gone from our shelves for the rest of 2009. For some reason this year they got better than ever.

Now for the Brilliant bit
Thing's I've been thinking about that would have been nice to have been taught:

lifehacker.com allows you to upgrade bits of your life. Really. Really really.
Creativity if channeled right is the most valuable asset you have.
Managing your finances means you get MORE MONEY.
There is nothing you can't learn if you give it a shot at searching for it.
You're not the first to struggle with something, humans can find help.
Life is more wonderful than it is cruel, the mix of the two makes life art.
Perfection is boring, don't strive for it. Instead go for useful, or meaningful.
Humanity is broken and flawed, and that is precisely what makes it amazing.
There is no joy without failure.

Question: Would any of the above have meant so much to me if I HAD been taught them? Probably not. It is most likely the epic revelations I feel almost daily have been had by many, even hundreds of thousands, possibly a few million before me. I'm not special for finding out a litany of useful ways to get the best out of life. It does however feel like my goal is to somehow use it, and then spread it without sounding like the sources I learned from.

Lessons and learning has this whole dullness problem. Learning sounds like the most BORING use of a day ever. Yet how many people do you know who hated lessons in school who love a good nature documentary?

As another example, ever watched the tv shows you loved as a kid? Didn't you feel a bit cheated when you realized how much they were teaching you. Yet at the time you loved it? Why...

Well this is the key to the whole blog post so of course I'm going to pad this out, and tease you a little first... Why did we love learning as kids? Why don't we love learning now?

"Sy", you reply poetically, "it was fun when we were kids". Yes, yes it was. It also made you really happy. It was fun when you were younger because we as a species find joy in doing what is successful. It is at its very core a survival tool to enjoy what helps us survive. Dogs enjoy hunting training, cats too, hamsters really love running around a lot in a confined space...

How useful then; a species that finds joy in learning. Wouldn't they become smart quickly compared to competing animals?

If you take a look at Stephen Fry, David Attenborough or even Jonathan Ross. What do they have in common? Their unquenchable thirst for new knowledge, media or art. The act of learning both keeps them young, whilst making us wiser.

Learning has an image problem which comes from how bad we are as a species at teaching. Instead of inspiring people to learn, we force "correctness" on them from our ivory tower of adulthood. School never stops, kids have kids who have kids. You only feel old when you stop loving life.

Knowledge used to be power, but now power comes from sharing knowledge and being a conduit for it. The internet means it's getting harder and harder to hide, control and manage. Yet humanity left to its own devices with a big fat knowledge tool like the internet... Does pretty well. It was humanity that created Religion, then Governments, then The Slinky. Humanity left to its own devices elsewhere will create the most useful power structure for success in its environment. Not through individual intelligence, but through swarm intelligence.

The individual is smart, but it can be incorrect. An incorrect individual will eventually be exposed, and the swarm learns from it.

Making the internet the ultimate humanity swarm.

Stuff what has happen.

2009-03-24T11:40:00.002Z

My blogging frequency dropped like the currency markets; despite knowing I'd be way tired and have way less free time it has still come as a shock. Not so much "Well isn't that novel", more "I actually have NO spare time to do nothing". Doing nothing is one of my favorite things!

I seem to be gaining a little ground at work, largely because my approach to learning just about any task is quite different to the norm. Given a rubix cube most people will twist for a while, get one or two sides right and then present it as "done-ish". I've never been one that could think inside the box, or out of the blue sky (for you cliche lovers out there).

There is more than one way to skin a cat.
Multiple ways to pluck a hedgehog...
and a Rubix cube can be broken and then put back together.

Faith in your ability to figure out new ways, different ways or easier ways of doing things is a skill. Confession: I don't have much of a clue about how to be an infrastructure project manager. BUT, I can project manage, I pick up stuff pretty quickly, and if I don't know I'll get a clue or pointer from google pretty quickly.

There is now no excuse for "I can't do that", only, "I've not done it before". <3 The internets.

Awesome²

2009-03-15T18:53:00.004Z

I took a great deal of pride in the consistency and frequency of my blogging at the beginning of the year. It felt better to get some of those thoughts out there, into the world and just enjoy the regular expression of it all g^.

The good news is all is not lost, the note taking & reading is still going on behind the scenes. I also fully intend to finish this mini rant with an amusing picture that fits in with the current greenish blogger theme I got goin on. Those ideas are still in me, it's just taking a little time to adjust to the idea of listening to Chris Moyles in the morning. Talking about the football last night, and getting on with work.

Yes it feels a bit routine already... but it won't for long. I have a few ideas on how to shake things up a bit.

Comic relief apprentice was amazing. Just as I typed that, D walks in and tells me about Cherly Cole being in tonights episode. Why not multiply the awesome by itself. So that it becomes awesome to the power of awesome... squared. Like so: Awesome²

Been thinking.

Macs offer the false utopia of a police state.
Linux is anarchy with pockets of good tyrannical socialism
Windows is democratic, flawed warts and all... but ultimatley more capeable and flexible for those who know how to rise above the crowd, and a good choice for those who don't.

Maybe you should have your Geek IQ measured. If it's low get a Mac because they are pretty and allow you to be iCool. If it's super high use Linux so you feel as superior as a Lion in a smokers jacket (how much would THAT rock). If you don't give a shit. Be like Pharell Williams. I'm a PC, because I like to tinker just when it's nessasary or feel like it... but have the rest done for me, because I'm a straight up pimp YA HERRRD?!

Doctor Doctor. I'm about to tell a formulaic joke.
Hatstand.

Finally - time to chill.

2009-03-07T14:24:00.003Z

Yes that's a kung fu squirrel...

The cold is wearing off, the panic and shock to the system of having to be up at 7am, working like a dog all day, then hitting the gym, then trying to have an evening... is finally letting up.

When something is rare, we tend to value it more. Except steak, that always has to be medium rare to be perfect. My point is; I've been busy, its the weekend & by God am I glad that first week is out of the way. Why I had to have the worst cold in a long time, during my first week of work in a long time I'm still unsure. It is mighty cruel though.

Things I've noticed. Getting up early is as easy as putting on a pair of trousers. It's an old habit, that even if neglected for a little while just falls right back into place. Kudos to my Mum for making me go to school for all those years. Mad respek.

For the first few days I was in a virus and shock laden bubble. Nothing in the world seemed the same as before. It was always dark & I had way less energy. Which sucked, because I like being me. It's fun, you get to look at life from a funny angle and go "heh, that's weird" a lot. Which is just about my favourite thing outside Malteasers, and a good hips to waist ratio (you'd think those two are diametrically opposed, but no!).

Going into an office where everyone is overworked and super busy is a new experience. A growing company is a great place to be for your career & the kind of company that buys a Nintendo Wii as a raffle prize to raise money for comic relief... clearly is ahead of the curve. (Ohh, cliché, £1 in the cliché tin).

Which leads me to; it took THREE days before I heard a management cliché! No blue sky thinking, or outside the box crap. No synergy, very little touching base. It's a good sign because people are being direct. Not the kind of being direct that is a "core coporate value". The kind of direct where you ask someone to look at a database and they tell you "It's broken, I will when it's fixed". Respek nummer two.

Now for a little break in my rant. Breathe. Take a little look out of the window. Yeah go on, it's a nice enough day. Think about animals. I enjoy doing that.

So where do I go from here? Coventry? Alaska? The dark side of the moon?

Well promotion is earned not given. It takes daily effort & I'm more than happy to put that in. Can I? Will I? With every fibre in my body I'll push. If there's something to learn, google has the answers, the overviews & templates done by other people to steal. Living in the information age means knowing the question is now as important if not more so than knowing the answer. Fingers crossed. X marks the spot.

New Job

2009-03-05T19:16:00.003Z

So my blogs have gotten a little sparse lately, what with the new job and the worst cold ever. Out of guilt here are a few things going through my mind.

I want to know why this cold is haunting me, and whos leg I have to hump to make it go away
If you use the term "blue sky thinking" you just gave up your ability to speak, and replaced with with a cliché, and SUCK
Getting up for work in the morning stifles my creative tweeting skills
Why does my throat feel like I deep throated a cactus
I need a crackberry, but then Id never get any work done. Hmmm
I've noticed how little you miss the internet, and how much more quiet it seems when you don't use it as much
Karima Francis is amazing.
BT want to charge me £4.70 for each old bill I request a copy of, for proof of address. Annoying

Each of those has a paragraph of amusing Sy rant potential. Sadly, I must dash, pizza is ready.

A New Dawn

2009-03-01T15:30:00.003Z

Sundays should feel apocalyptic somehow, because work is the next day. I admit I'm nervous in that good excited kind of way. It feels like there is a big hill to attack and that excites me and makes adrenaline rush.

Last night was fun. Had one of those nights that don't really have a distinct plan. They always turn into the best nights out. Not sure why that happens, maybe its the Buddhist detachment from outcome, or just maybe it's doing something different. Either way, you end up in a bar you've never noticed before having a ton of fun with people you haven't seen in a while.

Just what the doctor ordered.

Why haven't I found this website before? It has Richard Branson giving an amazing interview about his life, and what inspires him. Bill Gates talking about how to solve some of the worlds biggest problems, and is possibly one of the few sites that will draw you in like wikipedia & youtube... but instead of being pure entertainment. It's inspiring too.

Nerd ADD.

2009-02-26T11:36:00.003Z

They say men can't multi task, but do Nerds count as men? Tell me to rub my belly and pat my head & I'm already thinking about what's for dinner and how to improve my gym work out.

The media age we live in, and its constant endless flow of information is too much for most of the population. So they end up with spyware riddled PCs suffering from winrot after a year, when all they did was surf for a little porn, and chat on facebook a bit. See most people look at the PC as a big fat phone. It is functional, but to Nerds? It's a window into the bit of the brain our memory isn't good enough to deal with.

What was that song I wanted to listen to? Oh yeah NP: Lamb of God - Reclamation.

rands explains it better.

Stop reading right now and take a look at your desktop. How many things are you doing right now in addition to reading this column? Me, I’ve got a terminal session open to a chat room, I’m listening to music, I’ve got Safari open with three tabs open where I’m watching Blogshares, tinkering with a web site, and looking at weekend movie returns. Not done yet. I’ve got iChat open, ESPN.COM is downloading sports new trailers in the background, and I’ve got two notepads open where I’m capturing random thoughts for later integration into various to do lists. Oh yeah, I’m writing this column, as well.

See, if I do the same task here is the answer. Two firefox windows. One has facebook, this blog, lifehacker, BBC News, a better writing article & rands in repose article. The other has a bunch of windows about java mobile application development. I can't bring myself to close those, because they're not quite worthy of bookmarking. I have my email inbox open, and tweetdeck feeding my live updates. uTorrent is downloading a few things, I have a log file with todays thoughts and ideas as well as winamp entertaining my ears.

The truth is, without those distractions, I don't work as well & can't get through any task. Sharing my time between each of them results in me hitting this zone where round pegs do your bidding and nestle right into that square hole. Good little round peg.

New music, New Social Networking, New Cloud?

2009-02-23T13:43:00.004Z

Yes, I do love the new TI & Justin Timberlake song. The production is stunning, it has strings and hippety hop all in the same song. It's well done, catchy and has a good message. Still there are a few things in there that are annoying. Hip hop has this whole "eyyyyyyy, ohhhhhhhh" thing going on which could be more annoying than stubbing your toe.

After a month or so on Twitter I think I finally get it. By blogging about it, I also join the ranks of the millions of people who do nothing but twitter on about twitter. It's brilliance is that people actually write what they are interested in or up to. With blogs people try to be interesting, or at least have enough content to fill a blog. The character limit and the the URL linking you can be on the bleeding edge of any subject within a matter of seconds.

It got me thinking.

Doesn't email seem like a long time ago now? Why don't all my other services work like twitter, with lots of interesting apps and ways to organise data streaming from what is otherwise pretty unorganised. My MP3s are sorted by artist, my movies by year... but if the Cloud netowork or Semantic web is so smart... Why can't it join up all my data too and sort it in the way twitter does.

The beauty of the cloud is that it works with tripples. That means that we have more than just data and it's title. We know how it relates to other data instantly. A cloud network knows the difference between an MP3 and an avi. It could then sort that data for you, or search it... or tell you who of your friends also has it. Or what they thought of it if they blogged, tweeted or posted on a forum about it.

Services like glue are heading in that direction... but until someone joins the dots. We have a lot of floating data that isn't working as hard is it could. If I want to learn about a subject, or have been given a task I don't know how to complete as a competant net savvy member of Generation Y I would have gone to google or wikipedia and found something

Now I'm including twitter in that search. That shift is seismic and it's coming.

The stuff we do.

2009-02-18T17:53:00.002Z

So today I installed OSX the Mac operating system on a spare bit of hard disk space I have. The problem is, that spare bit is quite small. So installing anything else isn't going to happen. On a PC I'd just install that to another drive or partition. But noooo, its a Mac, it just FAILS. I mean works...

I was even going to do something as simple as change where firefox downloads files to. Then it dawned on me. What no file menu? What kind of a sick OS doesn't give you any options for customisation.

Macs do "just work" provided you are going to do nothing but use software. Start doing anything creative, add in some more powerful hardware and it fails. No wonder Apple always made their own hardware. Microsoft did something incredible with Windows. They made it work with 95% of hardware out of the box.

So why would I embark on such a strange task you ask? Well I wanted to develop an iphone app and have a play. I may just concentrate on the blackberry side to start with. Why? Because it's not Apple nazi-fied.

Splitter!

2009-02-16T14:36:00.003Z

I know my destination, I'm just not there...

Not as bothered about it as I used to be though. Business suddenly makes sense. Nobody told me the corporate world was 100% political. It may seem stupidly naive but when people told me how business worked & that it's safe to speak your mind, I believed them.

This blog may split 3 or even 4 ways in the near future.

Splitting is never fun, especially since I'll have to go through the archives and do that. But I'm such a scatterbrain, it will make a lot of sense. Lots of ideas :)

Any Given Monday

2009-02-09T14:04:00.003Z

Sup?

Despite hurting my back this weekend & the occasional bit of shooting pain. I feel pretty good today. It's been a weekend of healing & resting.

I'm not after fame and fortune, I'm after you.
When I've served my time, I swear I'll come back for you.

Just got a call from the benefits lady in Leeds city council. If they process the stuff in time, I should be ina position where I can live & work up to my first pay day without borrowing a penny. That would ROCK so much.

Scandal-Mouse

2009-02-06T11:47:00.003Z

So guess who went to see Russell Brand on Wednesday, 5 rows from the front? Be jealous.

Or wait for the DVD release... either way. The whole thing is brilliant from top to bottom, especially the live crowd interaction. I was surprised by how he is just how you expect him to be. Quick witted and a bit bemused by the whole circus that goes on around his quaff of hair. Renaming leggings "testosterousers" is a good effort as well as the observation that his look doesn't really work without fame. Heh...

Now I'm free, free fallin...

So sick of waiting to start work. I want to earn money & enjoy the perks that come with it. More than anything the sensation of having achieved something. Success is what I crave, the rewards are a perk.

The sun is shining. I'm thinking what LA will be like for my 25th birthday & who could be convinced to join me out there. *guitar solo*

Lined up for another interview on friday, decent job based in the center of Leeds. Wonder what happens if I get it? It's fun being able to attend an interview with no pressure. Could very realisitcally see myself turning around to TSYS and saying "I needed the extra cash". Who knows. Either way, get the sense I'm not long from climbing the ladder pretty rapidly & enjoying the journey.

Skipping to the last page of a book ruins the ending, doing a level skip cheat ruins a video game & the end of a song is pointless without the full build up. The same is true of life.

Scatterbrain

2009-02-04T11:16:00.002Z

Things running through my head:

Watching the new season of 90210 was weird. The old show looks so dated and kitsch now, but this new one has bright colours and looks like entourage. So I'm thinking "woah it got good", but then it has the perfect family in the middle and can't resist being cheesy. Heh.

Progress huh? There is this one girl who is mixed race, has amazing eyes. Anyways, her whole weekend was put on hold so she could hang out with her dad. Who turned up, gave her a car and left. She later founds out, he left because he's having an affair on her mum. I just thought. OUCH. Take that materialism.

I promise myself and the universe. I'll never be the guy that values money over my time. Time with people is all we have.

The new Rise Against album is amazing. I'm a huge fan of the band. It's pretty easy to see why people wouldn't be straight away. They sound like a lot of bands in there genre. Put them next to NoFX and they could be a clone. But there is something about the harmonies & the lyrics that is a different class. The patterns please me in a classical way, marry that with brilliant lyrics and you have yourself a good combo. Shame their politics are left of Mao.

We’re all ok, until the day we’re not
The surface shines, while the inside rots
We raced the sunset and we almost won
We slammed the brakes, but the wheels went on

Word to the Jen. Bowie is so smart she can like trashy tv ironically.

Is it just me, or do you ever get so stuck into something that seemed brilliant yesterday... that just isn't today. Midnight mania is always best tempered with dawn doubt. Amazing how the time of day affects creativity, emotion & your reactions.

that's when I told her
I love you girl
but I'm not the answer for
the questions that you still have

I get to see Russell Brand tonight. You'd be suprised how difficult it's been to get people to come along with me. Spare tickets, may even go to waste! Shocking.

I need money :(

Cloudy

2009-02-02T15:47:00.004Z

Somethings you don’t forgive somethings you don’t forget
Sometimes the fate you suffer is so much worse than death
We’re way off course now and we’re drifting out to sea
So cut the anchor on your heart to be set free, set free, set free

Spin out of control
Spin out of control
We try to recover, but collide with each other
We spin out of control

Spin out of control.

So I've spent most of the day learning about cloud networking, and the various layers of abstraction involved with it. It is needless to say quite interesting for a geek like me.

Unquestionably the future of the wibbly wobbly is centered around "trust". Also known as security. The easiest way to achieve trust is with a brand like Google or Amazon. Which is why companies like that are opening up their platforms as a cloud network, and then leasing those out as required.

Still, if we can't decide what a cloud is (beyond the concept) or should look like. How can we trust it?

We're reaching a point where it's becoming difficult to profit from creating the structure of a cloud network. A lot of the non profit organisations don't have corporate support, and the corporations want you to pay them. There are a lot of interesting visions for how to get the web from a data management tool, to an information based tool. The ability to link together not with key words but by the relative similarity between two pieces of information.

Confusion

2009-01-29T14:41:00.002Z

Ever needed to pee really bad in a trendy bar, and you get to the toilets and instead of "Men" and "Women" you get some clever gimmick. It happened to me a little while ago and I stood there in horror thinking "I don't know the answer". A friend told me about a bar in London where they are named after the XX and XY chromosomes. Like someone thought that being drunk and needing to pee was the perfect time to do some A Level revision.

Yesterday I found twitter, and like most users the first person I followed was of course Stephen Fry. Before long however this oddity took my attention

Yes indeed, that is a man with a thumb for a head.

Spirit/Earthy Good... Technology Bad?

2009-01-27T22:19:00.002Z

The question of whether technology was getting in the way of what it is to be human came up today... and for once it was a jump off point for me.

I know its a cliché to start with a dictionary definition but stick with me. The definition of human provides an interesting vantage point. Perhaps more so than other word definitions because it seems to acknowledge how the word does not simply name a species, but comes packaged with characteristics, observe;

Quote:

1. of, pertaining to, characteristic of, or having the nature of people: human frailty.
2. consisting of people: the human race.
3. of or pertaining to the social aspect of people: human affairs.
4. sympathetic; humane: a warmly human understanding. –noun
5. a human being.

It's not until the very end the species is defined, and even then it is (perhaps purposefully) not genially linked with primates. So humanity itself is not seen as a machine, or technological. Scientists would define a human very differently.

It appears we define ourselves as frail, caring & social creatures. To have a "human" quality is a good thing. So from that you could extrapolate that we also believe deep down we are at our core: good. Despite the many ailments and mistakes we have made, the interesting way in which a word is defined by how it is used is a clue, and a great starting point for discussing what it is to be human. It's interesting that emotions, rather than intellect is what defines us. Despite all our advancements, we define our world by how we feel about it.

How Technology & spirituality are viewed.

People have a tendency see the technology and spirituality as fundamentally opposed. Technology on the one hand is most often associated with pollution, corporations and greed. While 'spirituality' is given a special reverence by 99% of us, even if we are critical of the larger organised religion. Most of us have some belief. There are exceptions of course to both view points, but for the sake of discussion the assumption "spirituality good", "technology bad" is what I want to examine.

It could be fairly argued that technology has helped us more than hindered. After all technology took us from small groups of hunter gatherers, to the top of the food chain. Because of technology, even those in poverty live better than wild animals. We often don't associate things like Farming, making fire or medicine as technology. Yet fire was the iphone of it's day, providing warmth, cooking food and scaring off potential predators. We may have thanked the sky for the fire God, but it was the technology that allowed us to harness fire, not an emotion or belief.

So technology appears to suffer from an image problem. Is there is something all together sinister about technology? It can certainly appear that way. Between robots taking over the world, and nuclear holocaust, we seem pretty convinced technology will be our undoing. We don't trust it because it seems cold and we cannot relate to it (well some of us feel that way). and lets face it, technology hasn't alwats been perfect, it brought us the Atomic bomb, Asbestos and The Crazy Frog.

Yet our technology reflects us, we created tools, tools that reflect our needs... and we don't always like our reflection. Technology is created to solve a problem efficiently. It is not often made to make us feel good. The technology that is, we tend to love!

Spirituality too has caused it's wars & had its problems. The majority of human conflict even in this "enlightened" age comes from spiritual belief. Despite being associated with all that is good, spirituality has its darker side. Like technology, belief has been used to harm as well as help.

Religions have their own view of why those wars and problems exist, but very rarely accept fault for it. Spirituality has systematically escaped blame for a lot of its crimes (can you think of a religion that apologises often?). But... and this is a big round jello But... Religion and spirituality are also the greatest force for good in humanity. It is a conduit for charity & acts as a moral boundary to our dark side. Spirituality can do what technology often can't, it makes us feel better. It serves that purpose well.

Humanity as a species, is at its happiest when not thinking and simply connected with life and the feeling of being alive. There are many disciplines of meditation, but most have the same goal. A clear mind, and the wave of endorphins that follow. We have for a long time associated that much more with our brand of religion or spirituality, rather than the discipline of mediation or the good fortune of "being". In effect the good feeling we get from meditating allows us to think "Spirituality good" in simple terms.

Technology was not created to make us feel good, and yet now it surrounds us. So we find ourselves wondering "why doesn't technology make me feel good like spirituality does". We are a silly species.

Spirituality vs Technology; battle to the inevitible compromise.

So to the question of does technology separate us from God? There is no clear answer. Especially when the nature of "God" is so very subjective.

The more interesting question is can technology separate us from God?

One would think a harmonious being like a God would not need to conflict with simple technology. Technology itself simply is. It cannot be good or evil unless it is used by a human. It cannot drive us, unless it is first driven. By its very nature it is incapable of judgement or malice. Yes we can be seduced to by it, and yes it can be misused. But misusing technology, or creating bad technology is a human choice. Technology then is a reflection of humanity and an extension of it.

Technology could not separate us from God by the definition of omnipitence or omnipresence. The argument that it distracts or seduces us, is essentially another judgement of humanity. It is a simple disagreement about how to live.

Spirituality does not need to argue with technology, although it consistently finds itself doing so. It is a system of belief that has come about from two things. Our emotional need to love and care, combined with a desire to feel better in tough times. When we need to feel better, our mind gets creative. Psychologists call it "justifying". It is the same behaviour a junkie uses to explain away their addiction... and indeed we are addicted to feeling good.

So why would spirituality need to deionise technology? It's an interesting question, since on the basic level there isnt a single peice of kit that would argue with the concept of a loving parental "God". Yet when we justify, we don't try to think simply. If we're creating something to make us feel better, why stop at a loving God? Why not have a loving God who will tell you off if you don't follow the current moral consensus? That too would make you feel better about how you live your life.

So when spirituality makes us feel good. Being connected with the earth makes us feel good... yet we still feel bad. What can we blame?

It suits the agenda of some spiritualists to claim technology is separating us from God.

1) It's a pretty easy scape goat
2) Humans remember technology going wrong, no matter how much it goes right.

Feeling good about technology?

I believe the idea of a God that separates us from life, which is all around us. A parental, omnipotent figure of judgement and wisdom is more likely to guilt is into behaving, than persuade us. The "being" part of a "Human being" is often overlooked. Through meditation and many other avenues we can enjoy life, with technology or without it. So the question remains...

What is it to be human?

To be human is to be curious.

You can feel good by meditating, listening to your instincts or even listening to music. Enjoy it

Got my wings back

2009-01-26T12:37:00.004Z

Last night me and Annie hit TGI Fridays after Lucie's birthday & had get this: An Apple Waffle Crunch. That's one of those trippled barrelled names. It might as well be called Bodacious Flavoursome Awesomeness. My god, it is quite possibly the best thing to happen to my face this year (well that and the return of the beard, woo). I mean an Apple and Cinamon flavoured waffle, with syrup & crumble & ice cream. That's several times a cherry on top. That dessert alone is karma paying me back for the whole cancer thing. Being alive rocks.

Little Parkerton is a star, I don't even know half the shit we talk about. Always fun though :)

Just another Fun Day Sunday

2009-01-25T16:17:00.008Z

There is something fun about a Sunday, something lazy & wonderful. Maybe it comes from its sabbath history, or because so many people don't work on Sundays... but it has this wonderfully relaxing vibe. A vibe than the frenzied Saturday, or the empty promising Friday can't match. I feel good today, for no particular reason, other than that's my default setting :)

Been doing a lot of thinking on the power of delusion lately & just how common it is used by people. My favourite book "Radical Honesty" talks about the mind creating a prison of beliefs. Like a cage of ideas which we restrict ourselves with & do not question. It ties in pretty well with a discussion I had with Ryan recently that subjectively you can never know the truth. So anyone who claims to be the bearer of the truth is usually trying to convince you, so that they can validate their own belief. An interesting question; do you care if people agree with you?

Challenging a belief head usually meets with resistance. When someone acts defensive it means they are defending the identity they have attached to their beliefs rather than considering what you say. The reason the Buddhist teaching;

A wise man accepts he knows nothing

...exists is not a statement about being humble (although being humble can be useful). Humility has never been something I'm very good at. However the knowledge that truth exists outside myself, and that I am blinded constantly by my own bias has been. For some reason that always made sense.

In short, no matter how strongly you or I ever believe we are right about something, or that the other person is wrong. We have to accept we too could be wrong. It's reached the point where (although it may not seem like it), I defend my opinions because I've thought about them a lot. Rather than having any real attachment to them. Usually getting defensive about an opinion, is usually a pretty good sign that your identity is tied to that opinion.

Why would you ever need to get upset about something you knew was not true?

Sometimes our emotions know things, our mind hasn't yet accepted.

Don't get me wrong, I get annoyed and disappointed when people believe hurtful things that I consider incorrect... but the truth will always come out in the end. Why not skip the denial and check with your conscience, could the other person be right? If the answer to that is no, and you've looked over all the evidence many times... great. It's still a useful exercise though.

The answer could also very well be yes, yes I was wrong. The people that matter know I can apologise and back down no matter how loud I have been. Is it wrong that I expect others to do that? Who knows maybe I am capable of being humble? Just not good at playing nice to people I actually don't care about... Well none of those have access to this blog, and even if they do. It's not intended for them.

Annoyingly, many of the people who have grievances with me could probably raise them with me & I would accept them if it was done right & if they had a point. (That's a big if) My mum, Scott & even Ryan have always been able to criticise me without taking me challenging their idea back personally. The best has to be Heather my career coach though. I reply with my thoughts, and if its well put there is no "I'm right, because I feel like you wronged me" with her. It's just "well consider this, and this scenario". Thoughtful, simple... the way things should be.

Ahhh. I hope to get better at that skill. I admire it.

This ever happened to you?

2009-01-21T12:33:00.005Z

I've been accused of many things in my life, but it usually seems to go a little like this;

When I was 14 I remember catching the school bus one morning, as I did every morning. To see the guys and go play football for an hour before school started. It was a fun routine, come rain or shine that's what happened. This one day it was different however. Upon arriving I see one of my closest friends at the time waiting at the school bus stop. Saying hi, things should have been normal, like any other day. He however says "I'm not getting the bus with you today man", and when I ask why he says "You know what you've done."

Puzzled & stunned the bus to school was quiet, while my head was spinning trying to figure out what he could mean. Now, nobody is perfect, especially not me but given half a chance to explain myself I'm sure it could have been worked out.

Instead I get to school and not only is this guy not talking to me, a couple aren't. It's a quiet and weird day, but there is work to be done and it soon passes. Lunch time rolls around and a few of the guys who until earlier were friends throw a few petty insults & again confusion reigns. Then it's time for an IT lesson & this best friend sits around insulting me & my family.

I'd had enough and question why, to anyone and everyone. The guy himself answers "you know why". Mutual friends are unsure & can see that the insults are out of line. When the next day rolls around and this guy attempts to start a physical fight with me... they stop him. We end up in front of our form teacher a wise RE teacher type who I'd always respected. He makes it pretty clear that true friends are a rare thing & to let a little gossip get in the way of that is wrong. He asks are we "Willing to forgive and forget", to which I say yes provided the abuse stops.

In life we don't get that kind of mediation often. It later turns out that the guy who had spent all this energy trying to tear me down had been lied to & was going through a lot in his personal life. He has since apologised and we actually got on well for quite a while. In effect I was barring the brunt of his issues with the world. An easy target, and scapegoat for everything that was wrong in his life.

History has a way of repeating itself.

Without a chance to explain yourself, its easy to become the bad guy. Especially when dealing with a highly strung bitter individual. We all piss each other off on a regular basis, but how we react to that is what determines friendships. We can either hold a grudge, tell everyone we know & attempt to get revenge. Or it can be worked out. Of course the second option often means being humble and not saving face. Especially when you back yourself into a corner of abusing and demonising the other person for a long time.

It is certainly possible to convince yourself that the root cause of all your problems is the other guy. Yet the only person that can change events is you. The only person who is responsible for your actions is you. The only way to improve your life is to focus on doing that. Not someone elses.

The reason I mention this is because history has indeed repeated itself. Once again I find myself in a position where people are lying to me, others & behind my back because of something that isn't true. It has more to do with a bitter man taking out his frustration, than it does any legitimate complaint. I sit here no saint, but with a clear conscience, a legally audited & unedited paper trail being accused of theft, cowardice & preventing a man from seeing his son.

That would take me from being a flawed good person, to a complete asshole if it were true.

The sad fact is none of it is. It's all based on truth but twisted. The truth always comes out in the end, but frankly I'm sick of waiting. I will not stoop to someone's level if they want to spread lies about me... but 9 months on this is getting pathetic. My patience is almost gone. I moved on a long time ago to focus on the positives in life. If someone else keeps creating trouble they will get exposed.

Can we prove my innocence? Yes we can.

Got it

2009-01-19T21:26:00.005Z

Those of you who know me well, will know instantly (or within a second or two in Ryans case) what this means. Looking back on it, this mornings post sums up more or less how I feel right now. On the most gloomy day of the year, in the worst economy in nearly a century... I got the job I wanted & a significant salary bump.

Thanks to everyone who believed in me. To all those who knew I could, and would secure something. You are the people that make life worth living.... To the insecure ones who question every decision I ever make. Go fuck yourselves.

It's when you're down, you see who sticks with you. Luckily a few have with me. First and foremost is Cat, my little catastrophe. Believed in me from day 1, the definition of a great friend & quite possibly the reason why I succeeded. Cat was the one who insisted I leave BT, and really made the choice clear to me. That decision has been amazing for me.

Of course I gotta mention my Mum, who believes in everything I do, Scott the very picture of consistency and reliability. The world can learn from these two, how to be chilled out and not over analyse everything. My dog Aggy, who knows all my secrets & is an inspiration to me. The greeting Aggy gives you is the highlight of any week.

Heather, my career coach, mentor and friend has a way of getting through to me that is both brilliant and succinct. It's nice to be reminded that I can take on good advice so long as its delivered well :). Having someone genuinely talented, whom I respect to believe in me and give me back my confidence & self belief has been the key to getting back where I was. Thanks Heather, for reminding me that yes I am very capable & yes I can and will be a massive success.

Too many people try to convince you that you (me) won't be when they hear your self belief. To quote Simon Cowell. Don't listen to people unless what they say proves itself. There are too many to mention that I'd like to add here. Today is a good day

Blue Monday

2009-01-19T13:43:00.004Z

So apparently today is the gloomiest day of the year. "Blue Monday" & I'm listening to the blues, but then I never did buy the idea that it was depressing genre. It's more of a release valve for emotion. Today is characterised more by boredom & impatience than anything. Will the company who interviewed me get back with an answer already? I'm ready. More so than ever.

It's funny that the optimists society want to claim today as their own, and quite typical of them really. Although there is something to be said for making your own luck & persistence as opposed to pure optimism. Emotional attachment to the future is pretty useless. To quote the turtle from Kung Fu panda who is hella wise:

Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift. That's why they call it the present

How cool is that! Listening to a Will Smith interview with Radio 1 was revealing. He was saying he almost struggles to dwell on & remember bad times. It sounded familiar. Who needs bad times, fun can be made. All we gotta do is go make it. Easy really :)

The Awesome - For Jen

2009-01-18T17:40:00.005Z

So I was chatting to Jen about my recent interview etc, and then things took a twist towards the crazy...

Jen
get a haikoo zoo pet on facebook so mine can play with yours
i have a pandafox

Simon
My goodness, a scavenger and a notoriously lazy bear combo.

Jen
yes, the best kind

Simon
A cheetah rhino would be unstoppable.
2inch thick skin, and FAST
A chino
or a Rheeta

Jen
hahahhaha
please post this convo on your blog and label it The Awesome Column

So here it is the awesome column. From 2nd century battles between a cat, and a guy in a hat. To chimaera creatures, bred for their best assets.

New Music & Sunshine

2009-01-17T13:31:00.004Z

Bloodsimple have a song called Whiskey Bent & Hellbound. It's really energetic and suits my mood on a Saturday afternoon, having just cleaned the apartment and with the sun shining.

For anyone who is interested in the Gaza conflict, there is a lot of PR & way more emotional manipulation of the media going on from both sides. Lord Levy absolutley nails the situation better than I ever could.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/programmes/this_week/7832842.stm

Also. Whatever happened to earning money? To deserving success? The new film Slumdog millionaire features a main character who tries to win the jackpot to impress a girl. Is this now the accepted way in which we buy attention. Not through strength of character, originality or personality... but by striking it lucky. Fairytales are often more evil than a tragedy, more hollow & utterly soul destroying if followed. People scramble to become a D list celebrity, for some kind of status, to climb the ladder without taking any steps themselves.

Taking shortcuts is the quickest way to short term success. I remember as a 7 year old being asked to play a game where we would bid for what we wanted in our lives. Like an auction for achievement. It was very interesting that everyone spent their money on having money. Leaving me to clean up with a good job, my health & happyness and money to spare.

C'est la vie.

An Interview & A lesson learned.

2009-01-15T13:25:00.003Z

Maybe its the caffeine, or perhaps it's the eerie lack of light since the light bulb blew in my bedroom... but the worst part about having just had an interview. Is the sense that it might have gone really well. Or it might just have been close, but no cigar.

The company was pretty cool, the future of the company looks bright, and the bosses seemed like decent people who I could spend time around & respect. It doesn't feel like a home run, but certainly a base hit. Everyone who had their fingers crossed for me... that good karma may come in handy! Watch this space.

The whole experience did reinforce a few things that have been swilling around in the brain of Sy lately. A long time ago I wrote an "Open letter to Game Haters" suggesting that guys wanting to improve their abilities with women systematically is a good thing. I stand by that idea. However in practice and with a few years experience under the belt, some grave concerns have developed. If the online community was what it claimed to be, supportive & helpful then yes it would be a very good thing.

It is however a honeypot for the needy. It is filled with hero worship, fanboy arguments & 9 out of 10 people offering advice, very few actually listening. Having met a large percentage of the "top guys" in the community the majority of them are a mess. They may have the ability to seduce any woman, but is that how success as a man is measured... or success as a boy

There are some wonderful people in & connected to the community, but it's structure is inherently competitive & confrontational. The rules, belief sets and methodologies may fix a leak and help in the short term, but they can damage the very foundations of a person too. In a community where the goal is helping & happyness why would anyone need to argue?

There is great advice out there & I learned a lot from it personally, but if I were to do it all over again. I'd do it very differently, and at arms length. As someone who always valued honesty, I could not get into a community where being fake and pretending to like people was essential. Yet that is exactly what the most loved are doing. Make no mistake about it. The heroes bitch about their worshippers, who are too blindly devoted to care. Sad really.

Self help is a useful tool, but a terrible & damaging crutch.

On another note. My dog Aggy is amazing. Everytime we think she has lost the ability to walk, a day later she is back at it, especially when food is on the table. Incredible how dogs can suddenly walk when food is around. Dogs have always been a grounding influence on me, reminding us all what is important in life is much more the person you are, and the impact you leave... than any big idea or utopian dream you may have.

For a short while I replaced being a person who was building his way towards and end point, to the guy who had the big dream. That is a cunning trick the dreamer deludes themselves with. "I am a good person, and right because of what will happen". It absolves you of responsibility for right now. When the only thing that exists within your remit is right now.

I've kinda got back to that. Not because of Eckhart Tolle or any other influencial thinker... but from daily having something to do, someone to call or an interview to attend. Spending all your energy fixing the radio means taking your hands of the steering wheel. I did that. I focussed all my attention on a small problem, and lost the big picture.

Never again. Lesson learned.

Awesomeness.

2009-01-12T10:07:00.003Z

Malteasers are little round drops of awesome. When you put malteasers into a spell checker, it comes out with "striptease". For those who don't know, here is a picture of the awesome.

That image has a silly amount of white space around it, consider that padding... for the awesome. The best part about all this, is I don't even have google ad's installed. I will not get paid for my hearty endorsement of the Small Geezers. Knowing that I have paid homage, is payment enough. Although with these things, enough is never enough. Kind of like Heroin, but without the kicks.

2008 In Review

2009-01-10T21:47:00.004Z

There are a lot of reasons why 2008 stands out for us all. Perhaps the worst economic crisis of the last 70 years, a Black man in the White House & Liverpool top of the Premiership at Christmas...

For me personally it's been a period of change & transition that has not always been easy, but certainly feels worthwhile. I can't think of many years in my past where I made peace with a lot of what used to be, and changed what is/was. Things that come to mind include old friends, family & old work friends. Getting back in touch is not always a waste of time it seems. Who you used to be, is not always a bad thing.

As we all face testing times, a crisis of confidence & a gloomy prevailing sense of despair. We have an opportunity to question some of the underlying beliefs we took for granted. Were some of the views that we relied on part of our downfall?

I've always been an optimist, taking the best from a situation and generally been content as a default setting. With such a mindset, things feel unchanging, constant and life is very stable. So its often only when reflecting over the longer term you realise how you may have changed. years ago I was much more career focussed by default. Not because I wanted to be, but because it felt like it was the only way to be. There was no choice.

Then in the middle of 2006 that started to change. My priorities moved, with work being "in the pocket" so to speak and unchanging; stable & certain. Life felt like it needed excitement, zest and risk. This meant focussing on being social, spending more time out of the house and preaching this new found method of being to all who would listen. For a while the change served me well. I learned a lot very quickly and gained from it.

Things like the credit crunch sneak up on you. There are a few who warn of what might be to come, it sounds like hysteria & often it's never as bad as they suggest. There are signs that too much of a good thing can over time be very very bad.

At the beginning of 2008 shots were fired. I was confronted as not being who I was, this culminated especially after I got back from Vegas in January. There I had found like minded people who saw something in me. A spark, potential & maybe more. The stark contrast of that experience and the cold winter I returned home to was hard to deal with. Here I was with long hair, a rock star persona & living the social life... and people were doubting me. How could this be?

The low point struck while in Cancun in March. A place renowned for its partying atmosphere & looked upon by many as the holy grail of party destinations. Yet the whole thing felt hollow, stage managed, easy to manipulate but pointless.

While there, I spent a little time online chatting with old friends whom I'd clashed with. It was beginning to come clear that my life needed more direction. I had made a lot of plans, but not finished them. Something was missing. But what?

I got home, and for a time things were ok. There was a growing sense that a big change was coming. Everything I heard, read or did had a sense of change or difference. After two years of battling the system at work the opportunity came up to take the money and run. Soliciting any advice, from every possible outlet, the only answer was "yes, do it".

So I pushed the button, the change was made, and the first domino fell. Now there was no choice, and uphill battle was coming, but when would that be apparent? Summer was very quiet and I was learning from new sources how to use the skills that had laid dormant within me for years. How to work the system, the job market, how to advertise and promote yourself. With that came a sense of purpose and achievement that had been missing for a while. It became clear, that my focus had to change.

Yet over a year after having stopped cheering about a lifestyle of risk, of social prizes coming first... I was still receiving criticism from some quarters no matter what I did or said. September hit and the whole world implodes. Things taken for granted like the stability of banks, friendships & who we are were all questioned at the same time. Transition was inevitable, yet the prevailing sensation was very still.

I had a sense urgent action was needed, what action exactly wasn't clear. Banks were bailed out as I booked a flight bound for LA in late October. A last resort to shake things up, and regain some kind of stability for the economy. For me, a chance to meet some new people & take a break from the negative front at home.

I have to thank Sorah, Jen & Melissa for making my LA experience brilliant, and reminding me that I can, given a chance... chill out with people and enjoy my life. In a context where there are no expectations I remembered that yes... maybe I do have some potential. I just need to guide it.

When I got home I knew it was time to get my head down. November was here, I had put effort into job hunting, but not into being the best possible candidate and employee. My goal is to be that, and for once to be the best possible me I can be in terms of delivery. Not turning up and getting by on 20% effort... but pushing, hustling, working

Who knows where it will lead... but they say recessions are gift wrapped opportunities for the able and capable. 2009 in review, will it be good news or bad?

Well Well

2009-01-09T12:26:00.000Z

That went better than I imagined. Turns out I got the interview Thursday. Woo!

Interviews

2009-01-08T10:24:00.003Z

Man I hate telephone interviews. All you have is a voice to deal with, and they're usually in the morning. I am useless until about 3pm, at which point I steadily become more useful until I peak around 7pm. So guess who just had a telephone interview. The company is good, the job is good, and I certainly gave a good (if a little nervous) accounting of myself.

The annoying part is, I know if that was in 6 hours time, it would have been far better, more controlled & less rushed. When you meet someone face to face, you always get the pleasantries, you can disarm someone with a smile & the whole thing revolves around your lovley Paul Smith suit. On the phone, you're trying not to miss something they're looking for when they throw a scenario at you.

Well, the good news is, I have a few more to look forward to later in the week and early next. Something should stick, watch this space.

Ranting for delicious Catharsis - Old Blog Post I like.

2009-01-07T19:04:00.000Z

Anyone who doesn't understand the title may not follow the prose. That's not an instruction, merley a tip.

I feel a rage towards the internet that only comes at that time of the month... The time when the fair useage policy kicks in. The time when nothing is simple, and everything becomes instantly annoying.

I decided to learn how to write a facebook application. Not because I thought it would be free of difficulty, but I enjoy the reward of achievement. The "step by step" guide is more than a little confusing. It could really use a few more screenshots. I spent an hour setting up all the stuff you have to do in facebook, all the forms you have to fill in to make an application. Its a tad more complicated than an event. Still, once you get through it all, it is quite clever.

I am now, 24 hours later, at the exact same stage I was yesterday. I have a god damn PHP error that shouldn't be there. No idea where its coming from. It certainly isn't from where it says its coming from. All I want is an application that will say hello to me!

On the back of this, I decided to hit the geek boards. These guys know this stuff, and will be useful. Neglecting to realise in the last 5 years geeks went from knowledgeable PC users to FUCKING RETARDS with a PC.

Half the internet spends more time watching files download, and then posting the status of the file download, than playing the thing they downloaded yesterday. If that isn't stupid, stupid needs tochanging in the dictionary

WHY, randomly, at 8pm does my PC decide I know, I'm going to BREAK MSN, and make the internet go REALLY slow. Not in terms of downloading, just websites... you know... the stuff you like. I swear the thing knows. Does giving the machine sentience make it a more paletable adversary, or give it too much credit? I'm not sure. I do know that I want to break the fucking thing.

Speaking of spirits. Time for a good old fashioned dose of what is. When you are interested in self help, marketing and philosophy/politics. You here the word "revolution" every 30 seconds. There are a lot of people going round in circles it seems. Preferring to claim to know all ultimate truths, rather than having the humility to accept that they don't. I'm beginning to think it comes from mania. The psychology of everything being more important and bolder than it actually is.

Perspective is an interesting thing. Those who argue for you to change yours, often cannot change their own. In learning to defeat the arguments of others, people leave themselves outflanked. The heat of the defender burns their own attack. The only way to know something, is for it to stand up to repeated tests and experimentation. Everything else is conjecture. Knowing that your own bullshit, is no better than anyone elses is the best starting place for discussion.

What happened to summer? There wasn't one this year. I want a raffle ticket. I need to win something. Be safe.

Resurrection

2009-01-07T14:32:00.002Z

Well since my alternative outlet for ranting was largely viewed as a place by which jealous motherfuckers could select, dissect and then misinterpret my thoughts... I figured why not go back to having a real life blog. All in one place. Over the coming weeks, I'm gonna update this place with the best of my facebook notes, leaving this the one stop place for all your Sy ranting deliciousness.

Things I've been thinking about:

The Rocky Bar my well be the best named chocolate on the planet. It is named after the worlds greatest movie, which makes me wonder, why isn't there a "power bar" supplement called the "Balboa Bar". I'd buy it.

Is it just me, or does Blockbuster video seem a little 90s these days? Renting a DVD is such a waste of time when you can just download and burn. Woo.

People actually wonder why guys hate christmas. But when we get bedsheets as a main present, you have to wonder why we could possibly like it. Audi A5 pls?

Is there room for one more net comic out there, provided the humour was original, and the associated blogs both entertaining and original?

Californication is the best show on TV. The artist within character from Season 2 is like an amalgamation of two former acquaintances of mine, and a very amusing reminder why a little dose of cynicism is a healthy thing.

Be well blogshpere. Until next time, I have one testicle. You are anonymous.

Kicking out the Screaming bitches

2008-10-22T19:51:00.000+01:00

We all go out like we come in... Kicking and screaming.

Hey look I'm writing a note on facebook. I guess I must have an agenda or something to prove. But yet I as I sit here thinking about what I've written about in the past two years, and the amount of positive feedback I've had from my writing... The only thought ringing through my head is "If you don't like it, don't read it".

In the last year:

I had cancer
Moved to Leeds
Travelled to Vegas & Cancun
Quit my job
And ranted about a few thoughts.

But that last one means, I have something to prove right?

I made a decision a long time ago to take action because I believe in it, not based on what other people think. It doesn't mean my decisions are correct, just that they are mine.

So maybe I'm writing because I like to diary my thoughts, I like to read my old writing... and for every person who has some half baked psychology agenda woven into everything I say and do... We'll you will never change someone's beliefs. Yet my conscience is clear. Crystal.

Can I persuade everyone of the reasons why we as a species sometimes fail each other?

No. That's a little optimistic. But I can and will take fault for everything I ever did wrong. I do suffer from delusions of eloquence. I can be short with people when I'm stressed out, and it takes a lot to convince me I'm wrong.

But I am far from the worst for any of the above. My mum said something astonishingly brilliant yesterday on the phone, probably without realising how profound it was for me... People love to have someone to blame besides themselves.

So I stand here, taking the blame for my own action. Will anyone join me?

Doggy Teachers

2008-10-02T19:50:00.000+01:00

I saw this, and loved it.

If dogs were teachers, you would learn stuff like...

When a loved one comes home, always run to greet them-
Never pass up the opportunity to go for a joyride-
Allow the experience of fresh air and the wind in your face to be pure ecstasy-
When it's in your best interest, practice obedience-
Let others know when they've invaded your territory-
Take naps-
Stretch before rising
Run, romp, and play daily
Thrive on attention and let people touch you-
Avoid biting when a simple growl will do-
On warm days, stop to lie on your back on the grass-
On hot days, drink lots of water and lie under a shady tree-
When you're happy, dance around and wag your entire body
No matter how often you're scolded, don't buy into the guilt thing and pout, run right back and make friends-
Delight in the simple joy of a long walk-
Eat with gusto and enthusiasm-
Stop when you have had enough-
Be loyal-
Never pretend to be something you're not-
When someone is having a bad day, be silent, sit close by and nuzzle them gently-
And finally,
Never trust anyone until you smell their butt.

Just being.

2008-09-10T19:49:00.000+01:00

Just being. It's amazing. I connect that to my philosophy of humanity being beautifully flawed. If we were perfect we could not have created art, music or films. Perfection is boring, but enduring human spirit is incredible. That human spirit, being; being inspired, and now about to learn how the universe began...

That human spirit doesn't need an end point to be happy.
That human spirit doesn't need a father figure to be happy
That human spirit doesn't even need an afterlife to be happy.

Those three things are ways to avoid being sad. Being happy is a case of just being.

I'm not about to live my life avoiding sadness, hurt or failure. Those three things make me who I am. Having had cancer, rejecting the disease and using that as motivation to succeed in life, I see no need for divinity. Having stared death in the face, I didn't reach out for an afterlife, I just hoped I would be remembered.

And you know what? I'm pretty certain the people I've met would remember me. For being a good person, an interesting person, and one not afraid to question perceived wisdom. Question everything. Somebody else's answer may not always work for you. Especially if you don't share their insecurities.

What is the point in being alive, and being free thinking, if we just accept 2000 year old stories about the nature of existence?

Life is what YOU make of it. Not what someone else made of it.

Because my opinion in Mundane shit MATTERS

2008-07-31T19:48:00.000+01:00

Do you think it's bad to have sex at your age?
Well 24 is really old, but its that kind of cool old. Where the older folks think of you as smart bright young things, and kids wish they could be grown up like you. So mid 20s is about as awesome as life gets. Although they say men get happier as they get older. So who knows.

Where is your boyfriend/girlfriend at the moment?
On the Set of Desperate Housewives.

*fawn*

Were you happy when you woke up today?
Weirdly; no. I had a longing feeling, and was annoyed I missed my alarm by an hour. But then, there was £35,000 in my account. Can't complain.

Who was the last person you ate with?
Diego. Fish and veg. Surprisingly good.

Are you in a good mood?
Yeah, now I'm getting shit done.
www. sytaylor. net took me a day to do. Check out how awesome I am.

Do you want to have kids?
I want to have offspring and impart knowledge. But I don't see me changing poo stained nappies.

Have you ever watched a movie drunk?
Yeah although its not something I choose to do very often. The bottle of wine the first time I watched Layer Cake just made it more epic.

Has anyone ever told you they're in love with you?
Yeah, although when Andy Peters told me as a kid, I KNEW right there and then, something was up with that guy. It's not ok for him to be "cool" in an ironic way now. He was talking to kids down the tv spreading his gayness.

Do you believe in true love?
I believe in loving true. Anything that is true between two people is beautiful. Regardless of what others think. Loving true, means loving honestly, openly and accepting who YOU and who THEY are. No living a dream. But in beautiful reality.

Do you wear sweatpants?
No, although Im considering buying a proper gym kit.

Have you ever stolen a sign from a street?
Plenty.

What is something you'd like to have right now?
Solid travel plans. I want to/need to travel. In fact I'm gonna research it.

Are you playing hard to get right now?
Playing? I don't play, I just am annoyingly forgetful and appear arrogant.

Are you proud of the person you've become?
Yes. I created this imperfectly wonderful mess you all call Sy, and I like it. Faults and all. Believe me when I say, you wouldn't recognise me 5 years ago.

When did you last hold hands with someone?
Saturday, it was completley accidental. I accused the random girl of trying to make a pinky swear with me on the sly. Conversation ensued. It was horrible. Mainly because she'd managed to put together a HOT outfit for £30, and mine was 10x that, at least.

How good is your eyesight?
Genuinely terrible. Not only am I a bit short sighted, I have very poor depth perception. When I was younger I would REGULARLY wave at strangers... and you wonder why I had no confidence as a kid...

Would you ever want to swim with the sharks?
Dolphins mate, I swear I have an affinity with all intelligent mamals.

What would you say if I told you I was in love with your brother?
I'd say of course you are. The man is a legend. His legend spreads through many lands as the most dry witted motherfucker that ever lived. You know when you see a squirrel just stop randomly? That's a squirrel KNOWING.

When's the last time you got on an airplane?
March. The worst thing about Manchester airport is arriving there on a cold morning at 6am. It's just HORRIBLE. Although my opinion of Manchester is slowly improving as I get older.

What time did you wake up this morning?
10am, shamefully. Set the alarm for 8:30.

What are you doing this weekend?
Dark Knight on Friday with Scott/Diego/anyone else. Then Saturday its LAX at Oracle.

Are you dating anyone right now?
No, only in my head.

Have you kissed someone with braces?
No. Dear god no. I bet whoever wrote this question sent it to just one girl. At which point they slipped this question in, just to see if it was possible. Hidden amongst a load of other mundane shit. So crafty.

If you could change your eye color what would it be?
I kinda suit the darkness they have goin on. Plus very few people get to see my eyes properly.

What are you listening to?
Avenged Sevenfold - MIA

When was the last time you hugged someone?
Do man hugs count? If not then Monday, I hugged the motherbear.

Who was the last person to make you laugh?
Worlds Wackiest Sports on TMF. Its on nearly every night on freeview. You need to check out this show, its freakin funny. It's like Jackass only FUNNY.

How many 20$ bills do you have?
Technically. around 2,600

What did you do last night?
Hit the gym, then laid out in front of the TV exhausted... before time travelling into the future and seeing how things go down later this month. I liked what I saw.

Do you dance in the car?
I mosh.

Would you rather sleep at a friend's or have them over?
Have them over. This place is pretty cool. You hear that folks... MY HOUSE IS BETTER THAN YOURS. (Ok, so I rent it, it's not mine so much as it's leased, but I'm taking it because I'm disillusioned; and pretty)

Do you have a hard time admitting you're wrong?
It's hard to get me to believe I'm wrong, because most of my opinions aren't plucked out of thin air, or from youtube. But it can, and is regularly done. People I yield to regularly are the ones that understand subjects far better than me.

Wallpaper on your cell phone?
The earth from space. It looks AWESOME.

Favorite holiday?
My birth month. Also known as July, July July.... It was a lovely year, such a lovely tiiiiiime...

Do you really want to speak to someone right now?
A bunch of people yeah, stop being in different countries or at work.

Do you like to travel by plane?
YES. I NEED IT. ITS IN MY BLOOD.

Are you hiding something from someone?
I'm packing heat... in my pants. But other than that no.

Did you get enough sleep last night?
Too much, and I've noticed it makes you feel kinda shitty.

Favorite song?
Incubus - Make Yourself. The song came into my life at 17 when I really had to do exactly that, everything in my life was changing.

Who has texted you in the last 24 hrs?
Ryan, my mum, Jo & nobody else... woe is me.

Have you ever made out in a bathroom?
Gotta love the options.

Who was the last person to give you flowers?
Some random hippie type in London. Tried to force a flower on me for some peace and love based poor logic. Yes, giving ME a flower makes me want to PUNCH you, stupid hippie.

Do you find piercings attractive?
Jesus christ, and tattoos, Suicide girls ftw

Writing. BECAUSE I ENJOY IT

2008-07-06T19:44:00.000+01:00

I'm writing because it feels like the right thing to do.

Although I'm eating seeds because I'm a liiiiiittle peckish.

Such are my motivations on a cloudy, lazy sunday. Also, I'd rather do anything than watch shipwrecked. It's NOT tv. There's no drama, group A fights to be more popular than group B. Film a high school, would be much more entertaining.

I turn 24 in exactly ten days. There will be cake. Wholesale, infeasibility stupid amounts of cake. Then the day after my mum is cooking me Turkey Dinosours, potato waffles and spaghetti shapes. WHAT A MEAL. Top that people, top that shit.

So I've made the decision to go the whole hog and have my hair reduced to 2005 levels of shortness. This may shock and even astound many of you who have only known me with short hair, but I always said it will change when I get bored of long. I think the accidental Dog the Bounty Hunter haircut sped the process along a little

Look at that guy, he looks like Hulk Hogan without the steroids. Although in the scale of all time WERIDO's his wife takes the CAKE (spot the NLP)

All kinds of eww. Don't let her pop into your head whilst eating.

So its bye bye long hair, hello investing in a lot of smart and semi smart clothing. I've wanted a more "Zara" style wardrobe for a while now but not had the money. I had a bunch of good stuff that my dad threw out too. But opportunity knocks in the form of a BIG fat cheque.

I adore haddock.

Its such a good fish.

Good little fishy.

Supposed to be a cool band playing at HiFi tonight, may check it out if its not too sweaty. I'm ending here because my ADD is itching to do other things. Byaaaaaaaa

Download 08: Reported.

2008-06-09T19:42:00.000+01:00

After five consecutive years doing the same festival, it was about time to do it right.

Sounds easy right?

You'd be surprised how much planning goes into doing a festival right. Getting everyone to meet before you set off at a Blockbuster car park. Hiring a van. Bringing the essentials including:

*Tent, sleeping bag, douvet & pillow and a beer holding chair
* CD Player + CDs
* Gazebo to keep the sun/rain off the BBQ
* 18 crates of beer and jagermeister pre-funnelled into plastic bottles
* Two wheeled beer carrying thing that pubs use

DRUGS?! Who said anything about DRUGS?!

The journey down was traffic free, and even involved KFC. Already a good start and we're not even there yet. Download is pretty easy to find, and always horribly organised when you get there. Finding the entrance to the car park was a science itself. Once we're all nice and parked up it's time for the epic trail into the campsite. Shuffling 1 yard a minute once you get into the queue is sadly a reality of festival life, and this year so are sniffer dogs it seems. The good news is, the sniffer dogs are looking for biscuits, and otherwise inept.

For some reason Scott, Stouty and Whitley thought it would be a good idea to bring a scaled down model of the Taj Mahal for their tent. It took maybe two hours before everyone is set up and sat down with a beer in hand. The goal at this point is to get as wasted as possible.

As much as we're all there for the bands, the banter is what makes the week. This Wednesday night was a chance to renew old friendships and swap war stories... and get so blind drunk it was hard to know who and where you are. At one point that evening we were hoping "Class A" Dave would magically appear in the tent for confirmation of something. Shouting wasn't working so Stouty simply shouted something which shall not be repeated but is largely innocuous to the untrained ear.

One, two, three... four. Dave's head pops through the door

"You What? Time for Ground Saint Pound?"

Dave proceeds to go for the full mount and punches on stouty, who is cackling away like a mad man during the whole process. He then hands a penknife to penknife.

Thursday is Alton Towers. How better to prepare than a full english breakfast? We set off in convoy, with my car full, and everyone else in the back of the transit van scott hired. Who knew the first ride of the day would be splatted against the walls of a Transit...

Actually the first ride was Squirrel Nutty. A kids ride that didn't top 5mph. Truly an exciting experience. Reminiscent of the scene from Austin Powers where the dude gets run over by the steam roller, very slowly. That was however just a warm up for the first ride, which is an exercise in insanity. Close to the entrance of Alton Towers it never seems to get much attention, I even forgot its name. The ingenious contraption has pods of 4 seats which spin on a 360 degree axis as you are flung mercilessly around the track...

Backwards?! Nobody said anything about BACKWARDS

It quickly becomes apparent on the ascent, that backwards is indeed, part of the deal. From there the only way was up. Up to Oblivion, which took on a double significance today. The queue for Oblivion is more than a little patronising with its mini TV show thing trying to scare you. So as much as we were all giving it the big licks before the ride "Arms up all the way boys". The second that ride moves you cling onto the harness like a South American immigrant. Rita, the queen of speed is downright abusive, and Air is possibly the most doom laden ride in history. I found myself convinced 5 or more times I was going to smash into the floor.

So after being a good little consumer and spending way too much money winning over sized stuffed dogs Alton Towers had to end. It's back to the camp site to get hammered again, and relive the stories of the day. The road from the M1 south to Alton Towers is a strange country lane thing. I had a lot of fun watching Scott trying to navigate the van through winding little country lanes.

Total Torment at Download!..... YOOOU WHAT?!

The day starts with a truly epic trek to the main stage. Due to racetrack politics, and the Moto GP being next week, the main stage has been moved to China, and we have to walk there from the campsite. JOY. What's more the walk is nearly all up hill and dustier than the Sahara on a windy day. But once you're in the area, you're in, and the bands, the bands begin.

First up is Seether, a melodic happy go lucky kind of Metal band. Friendly on the ear, although they did an eerily impressive "In Bloom" cover. My memories of them are somewhat bolstered by the fact it was the first band I'd heard all week and live music sounds SO much better. Then it was due to be Kid Rock but he was "Ill". When the announcement was made, it was like the crowd had just won the lottery. A huge cheer went up. The message from Download: Don't get well soon Kid Rock. What a lovely bunch.

Next up are disturbed and Motorhead who proceed to rock the afternoon away. Both bands I have seen before, neither of whom I was particularly fussed to see. The banter at that stage was much more important, and a sleeping Aaron made for great entertainment.

That's enough frolics for one day, time for some serious business. Rise Against were playing the Tuborg stage and I was about to lose all control. I've long said that your proximity to the front of the stage directly affects your enjoyment of the show. So in arriving late I figured I would be disappointed. How wrong I was. Rise Against are amazing live, especially the vocals which sound perfect. Considering just how amazing I always thought the vocals were, I was left with a post orgasmic glow by the end of the show. Tshirt buying time. Rise Against are one of those bands that never seem to get the recognition Jimmy Eat World do, even though they do the same thing So SO much better. Bleck.

The final band of the night Kiss, are legitimate legends. They put on one hell of a show, but after Rise Against I need sleep. Two whole days of bands awaited me, and I'd already lived through an amazing experience. Did I mention it was time to get wasted again?... No? Well we did.

Is it Saturday already? How can that happen?! Alton Towers already felt like a life time ago. Especially with the hike from the camp site to the arena. Waking up sweaty after falling asleep freezing is an odd experience, one of the many unique to festivals. Saturday however had a much, much better lineup than Friday. Friday was quiet, and had one band I lost myself in. Saturday had a monster of a dilemma. Do I go see Incubus, my all time favourite band for the first time in my entire life, or do I go do the funky chicken to Pendoolum?

Honourable mention goes to Skindred who I am reliably informed rocked the house early in the morning while I was at tesco using the disabled loo for a wash. My first band of the day were 36 Crazyfists. Double kickdrums, powerful grunty verses and melodic choruses. A damn good show. The next surprise was Throwdown who sound like Pantera. I was hearing them for the first time and WILL be investing more listening time into this band. They had a rabid crowd at the front, and ponderous observers at the back. What is the solution to this conundrum you ask?

You crazy motherfuckers at the front turn around and give the pussies at the back a friendly hello

The front of the crowd gives the finger to the back. Awesome. Then it all got a little bit diabolical.. At the request of the lead singer the front and back open up; "If you don't wanna get involved, run away with your tails between your legs". Then in a scene from Braveheart on queue the front and back collide in a huge mess of jumping, bumping and moshed excitement. Wow.

Biffy Clyro were on the main stage, so I went to get my hair washed.

I caught half of Bullet for My Valentine who are ok, nothing special. I was there so I could be up front for Incubus. I ended up about 9 bodies from the front, happier than a fat kid in a cake factory.

Did Incubus roll out all my favourite songs just for me? Did they play a lot of their old stuff? Did they Jam out in the middle of songs and create something completley new, unique and amazing? FUCK YES. When you're favourite band exceeds your expectations, what more can you ask for? At this point I was thinking the day had peaked. There was no icing to this cake made of pure icing.

But there was a cherry...

I decided to get a massage because my back felt like it had been pummelled all week. I'm a self confessed raging metrosexual who is built for city life. I needed RnR. The healing "area" at the festival was really cool. Chilled out music, a bar that wasn't too busy and the pleasant whiff of Class C drugs. After which I meandered out heading for the camp site to get hammered.

So there I am strolling towards the Tuborg stage which is near the exit of the Arena, and what do I see but a big Heartagram on the stage? Well I never, I forgot HIM were playing next. Well its worth a look. I keep walking towards a non existent crowd and find myself 30 people from the front. Villè Valo appears on stage and before I know it there was a crowd behind me. Rock out with my cock out time. :D

Strolling back under a full(ish) moon to the camp site I was left with that experience of living double. Where you're happier than usual to be alive and to have experienced what you did.

Whitley, have you just done what I think you havef?

Once in a while something so funny happens you lose the ability to breathe. It began with some seemingly innocent swigs of Jagermeister. As the camp site grew rowdy on a cold Saturday night, young markus because illegible and rambling. At one point telling us "I'm gonna be at the Sunday market tomorrow, buying video games for £7". Then he tries to stand up to go for a piss. He overshoots and lands in Stoutys lap. Saucy.

Stouty then announces he is done for the night, and is off into the tent for a wank. Whitley continues to ramble with the grin of a drunken man. Until finally he falls asleep. Leaving us with a dilemma, leave him there to wake up at 5am confused and cold. Or carry him to the tent. We decide unanimously to procrastinate. A victory for decisiveness.

After a while of being silent young Whitley then starts to grin, at which point dave shouts "Whitley, have you just pissed yourself?". Cue lots of laughter, especially when the light was shone in that direction and you could see the evidence. Stouty being the male nurse was called out to help. The reply was "Do you mind, I'm trying to wank and you guys keep talking to me!!". Ckassy. Scott and Stouty have to carry Whitley back into the tent and strip him off, despite him protesting the "rape". Ahhh... Another year another mess.

Was Alton Towers really 3 days ago?

The sun rises, the tent is sweaty and people are talking outside. It must be Sunday.

The early part of the day was quite barren in terms of bands, but allowed us to check out the "village" section of the arena. Plenty of shops giving Sunday stock deals. I picked up two famous stars and straps Tshirts for £10. As well as a slipknot Hoodie, to go with the Jeans I got from Tesco. If only festival shops existed outside festivals. Good do!

Airborne are very AC/DC, and if you like that sort of thing they deliver, although they made one two many jibes about the cricket for my liking. In Flames on the main stage were exceptional. Here is a band finally getting some recognition for a 10 year career packed with incredible albums. If its possible to create beautiful brutality they do it. They do it better than anyone else.

Beautiful. Brutal.

What next, Jimmy Eat World and Lostprophets? Err NO! I came very close to buying a "Fuck Lostoprophets tshirt", but I did like their first album. So Children of Bodom it was.

Lets get one thing clear. You will not like this band. You are incapable of understanding them. They will scare you away before you realise the brilliance. That's the way I love it. They blew the roof off of the entire UK. What an incredible performance and a perfect warm up for...

Cavilera Conspiracy. Now, if you never liked Sepultura or Soulfly this won't mean much to you, but if you did. IGOR and MAX are back together. Roots, bloody roots plays out over a setting sun to a full moon. The last band of Download are bursting ear drums. What a year. What a festival. What good friends I have.

Even the shitty organisation in the car park on the way home couldn't bring me down. It took most people 3 hours to move 50 yards... We snuck out in 20 mins due to some ninja driving.

Perfect festival?... Well Leeds you got a lot to live up to, but I'm already getting excited. Until then. I've been exceptionally drunk and disorderly. Good night.

Yawn!

2008-03-29T19:41:00.000Z

Its been a long time since I've had NO money.

I could take out a loan or get a new credit card, but now isn't the time to do that at all. The last time the universe enforced this much boredom on me, having an apartment, a car and a life was all a pipe dream. So its been a good 8 years since staying in and doing absolutely nothing was part of life.

Let me make something clear. IT SUCKS. Having gotten used to being a social animal for the best part of a decade, and being capable of enjoying the fruits of having a little money I got complacent. That could be seen as a bad thing, but it's really not. I now expect a damn good quality of life, and feel annoyed, and motivated to change it when it's not there.

On July 16th I will be 24 years old, nearly a quater century. Thats a long time on the planet, but being honest I really feel that my best work is ahead of me and perhaps its time that shouldn't be the case any more. It's hard to balance massive impatience and ambition with sense and hard work.

I guess the long and short of it is, its time for the revolution to come. I'm talented in a lot of unique and marketable ways. How do I cash those in? Ideas are welcome. There are plenty of Irons in the fire, but the fire just isn't hot enough.

Thoughts welcome.

Legitimate Breakthrough fast.

2008-03-27T19:39:00.000Z

Do

I've done it. I've found it. The most monumental discovery of my entire life.

I always thought Kelloggs variety cereal packs were way too small in portions. Then it hit me, COMBINE cereals! Frosties AND coca pops all in one bowl. Let me tell you, you are not ready for how good this gets. If you happen to be addicted to heroin or bubblewrap, this could be the solution for you.

I've often thought most people can and could get into heavy metal music if they gave it a chance, because I've witnessed and watched various people do just that. Yet, I'm beginning to enjoy the barrier to its entry. Its like my secret cavern full of joys, and for some egocentric reason humanity sees rare as special. I'll take it though, its a relief from the endless repetition of mainstream music. Not that mainstream is bad, its just EVERYWHERE and too much of anything annoys.

I wish to fashion a rudimentary sailboat from paper.

Being broke and bored has driven me to be really busy with work for the past few days, and Im dying for something social. Where are you people of Leeds? Easter is quiet around these parts. Town is full of chav kids. Its so weird.

I had a dream where I got my hair cut whilst I was sleeping and I when I found out I was GUTTED. Was such a relief to wake up. Who knew, Im actually attached to the mop that sits on my head.

It struck me earlier that I look like Jesus mated with Chewbakka somehow, and that their child became a snowboarder.

Loop.

Questions, Answers & Meaning

2008-03-20T19:34:00.000Z

When were you happiest?
Hard to say, Im always pretty happy. Getting the “all clear” was pretty good, and being in the VIP areas of Vegas knowing that my life is amazing too. But often the best moments are listening to music on a train adoring the scenery, or even just looking out of the window while a breeze hits you. Life is joy.

What is your greatest fear?
Success and failure.

Earliest memory
Pushing my head against the cot at about 18 months old.

Which living person do you most admire?
Living... Hard to say. Anyone who has achieved and is happy in their life. We can learn from everyone. Whether its what to do, or what not to do.

What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?
My lazyness.

What is the trait you most deplore in others?
Two faced people. The only thing required to be a friend of mine is honesty. Anyone who bitches behind my back quickly becomes a former friend.

What was your most embarrassing moment?
Meh. Who knows.

Excluding property, what's the most expensive thing that you've ever bought?
Probably my car.

What is your most treasured possession?
Life, then health. This year brought that home to me. After that my PC. Not because its amazing (and it is), but because it has all my music, films, photos and best work. It contains my ideas and is a reflection of the world I live in.

Where would you like to live?
Probably Malibu, or Miami.

What would your super power be?
Life is amazing because its a struggle. Success is only pleasurable because we have to work for it. I’m actually not sure I’d want to remove that mechanism. Although I would love the Orgasmo ray from Orgasmo. I have something similar in glove form though.

What makes you depressed?
Very few things, it has to be a pretty big build up of lots of stuff.
.
What do you most dislike about your appearance?
Right now, probably that my body still is quite where I want it, and I don’t have the budget for all the various clothing looks Id like to have. But my image is something I took years to find. Im quite happy with it.

Would you rather be clever and ugly, or thick and attractive?
Im quite happy being clever and attractive thank you. Casanova was UGLY. Appearance has nothing to do with being attractive.

Who would play you in the film of your life?
Who could play me?

What is your guiltiest pleasure?
I don’t really know. I like all of lifes pleasures and admit to them.

What is your most unappealing habit?
Some say arrogance. I say fuck them.

What is your fantasy fancy dress costume of choice?
Surfer always.

What is your current Favourite word
Constabulary. It doesn’t mean anything like what you’d expect it to. “Con” and “stab” and burly almost sounds like a crime.

What is your favourite smell?
Good question. It depends on the time of day and the mood. Early on a Sunday, bacon. Late evening on a Saturday, womenz.

What is your favourite book?
Think and Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill. It speaks to my raw evangelical positive views of life.

What is the worst thing anyone's ever said to you?
I think it’s a good thing that I can’t remember. People can be as nasty as they like. I know who my real friends are.

Cat or dog?
Dog, every single time. Look a playful dog in the eye and tell me they are not angels of joy.

What or who is the greatest love of your life
The sheer randomness, vastness and brilliance of people and the world they inhabit. I like lots of things many people see as apposing. I love sport and I love politics. I love philosophy and materialistic, simple human pleasures. I love how there is so much to learn, I love how I feel when I understand something better. I love helping people learn. I adore affection and being affectionate. I love how life has no rules but those you make yourself. I love how as humans we are truly free. I love how anything is possible.

Is it better to give or to receive?
Such an open ended question, and a tad cliché. It depends on the situation and who’s involved. Its often better to teach someone how to provide for themselves than to just hand out. (Looky, I found secret option C)

What do you owe your parents?
I owe my mum everything. She is an example of true unconditional love and happiness. She is constantly happy to see me, and always supportive. For her I want to succeed and make her proud. I want to be remembered in history as a great person, in honour of how well my mother raised me. I am nothing but the product of an incredible upbringing, with some travel and soul searching thrown in.
.
If you could go back in time, where would you go?
The 1960s. I think its the most interesting period in human history. It was the first socially mobile generation, it saw the invention of the “teenager”. It was also the time of biggest change, the height of the cold war. I love the iconography, the music and the feel of it all.

To whom would you most like to say sorry, and why?
To anyone who was ever offended or hurt by me. It has never been my intention.

What do you consider your greatest achievement?
Being who I am. How can you encapsulate 23 years of achieving in a paragraph?

What does love feel like?
Bubblewrap. Emotionally and in terms of pure satisfaction

The best kiss of your life
The next.

Have you ever said I love you and not meant it.
Yup. Although in retrospect, I have since denounced the idea of “love” as a lifetime achievement and measuring stick of your success in society. It may sound nihilistic but "Love" as we know it was invented by advertising to sell a product. The world drops a whole load of rules on you to sell those products. Those rules don’t exist, and success comes to those who realise that

Who would you invite to your dream dinner party?
Jessica Alba and Eva Longoria (when her hair was longer). Im still pushing for that sandwich.

Which living person do you most despise and why?
I try not to despise people, but certainly their actions I can deplore. Right now I hate those who are two faced. I hate when someone is so convinced that their world view is right, that they will continue with a negative status quo to keep it, especially in the geopolitical arena.

Which words or phrases do you most overuse?
Depends on the week, I’m a MEME addict.

Biggest disappointment
Indie music. Whats the point? It’s safe, establishment pop. I wouldn’t mind if they admitted it, but they act like its so fucking edgy. It’s not at all. Hendrix would roll over in his grave, and Sid Vicious would be on stage trying to beat the shit out of the Arctic Pop Band.

If you could edit your past, what would you change
My school years were pretty boring. A typical “If I knew then what I know now”... but I wouldn’t be me then would I.

What is the worst job you’ve done?
Cleaning runny doggy poo whilst a funeral was going on downstairs.

When did you last cry and why?
When I heard the news I had the all clear. I wonder why...

How do you relax?
Stabbing cats.

How often do you have sex?
Varies greatly, but then so does my libido. I’ve gone through stages where its super regular in and out of relationships, and stages where I’m more dry. It’s not my primary motivation the majority of the time, but with that said I’m heading to Cancun Tuesday. Its one of those, the more I get, the more I want things.

What is the closest you've come to death?
Stepped out in front of a few cars and busses in my time.

What single thing would improve the quality of your life?
A solid job offer in LA.

What keeps you awake at night?
Insomnia mostly. I’m a nightcrawler with ADD.

How would you like to be remembered?
As someone who came, saw and enjoyed life. If I want to leave this world anything, it would be the understanding of the variety of subjects I enjoy. Or at least the passion to gain that understanding.

What song would you like played at your funeral
Incubus – Make yourself.

What is the most important lesson life has taught you?
If I hadn’t made me
I would have been made somehow
If I hadn’t assembled myself, I’d have fallen apart by now...
If you let them make you
They make you paper mushe
At a distance you’re strong
Until the wind comes
Then you crumble and blow away

If you let them fuck you
There will be no foreplay
Rest assured they’ll screw you complete
Turn your asshole blue and grey.

You should make amends with you
If only for better health
But if you really want to LIVE
Why not try, and make yourself
Make. Yourself.
MAKE... YOURSELF!!

Where would you most like to be right now?
On a beach in Cancun.

Tell us a joke.
No

Tell us a secret.
Do I have any? I can tell an interesting story. I once swallowed a 10p. Throwing and catching is more difficult than you would first thing when you have poor depth perception.

Me? Yeah Im a long way from Perfect.

2008-03-02T19:33:00.000Z

But I don't mind. In fact I like it.

What follows is a poorly constructed un-edited rant, even by my own standards. I'm only doing so because in writing down my thoughts, I understand them better.

First off, Bullet for My Valentine's new album is immense. Its immense, despite sounding annoying from a distance. It's kinda like how people hate Russell Brand until they realise the man is a genius. The album has become my soundtrack to getting back into the gym after the good news of being all clear.

This payday I spent nearly £150 on new clothes, rediscovered some old clothes and booked a hotel in Cancun for spring break. By all accounts thats a damn good pay day. It will mean I'll be a hermit when I get back from Cancun but I really don't care. I feel like I've come home, and I've been gone for far too long. I never went anywhere, and resented when people said I wasn't my usual self.

Lesson learned, people saying "You changed" has the biggest impact, because no matter how much you put your head down and barrel through eventually you start to buy into it and live up to it. For the longest time I thought the lesson to draw from having Cancer was to be humble, but I actually realised it was the opposite. I was never supposed to be humble. I am the kind of guy that is supposed to shoot for the stars. I know that sounds arrogant, and in a way it is. I am divisive and I rub people the wrong way. It's never my intention, and not something I hope to do but I'm realising its ok to be me again. I know my intention and I know my heart.

It hit home Saturday when I went to my office. I haven't really been to the office on a regular basis since early 2006. Nearly two years. Looking around at my notepad, and in my desk drawer reminded me of the levels of success I had reached by 21 and who I am.

In a strange way its taken me two years to come full circle. I rebuilt myself, but in a completley different image to what I thought I was building. Only now is the impact of what happened in Vegas really hitting home. When I'm surrounded by like minded people I am at ease and ultra capable... but I was traditionally always best when I was doubted. Recently that changed. When I was doubted it made me rebel with inaction, rather than action.

So a pattern has emerged, those who stick with me through thick and thin, and the fickle who sling mud. The difference? Those who stick with me and will know me in 10 years are those who will criticize me to my face. I thank these people. Its now time for me to start paying off the investment of time and energy. I have a lot of travelling, thinking and innovating to do.

Who's up for some big ideas?

Being back in the gym, putting effort in at work and generally being my CONFIDENT self is the way forward. I'm not sorry to those who don't like that.

I tried to drain the sickness of others and drained my own spirit instead. My spirit is back and I feel galvanised. The miracle has hit, I'm waiting for the opportunity, I stare straight into the sun, and I won't close my eyes until I understand; or go blind.

How will I know limits from lies
If I never try?

There no promise of saftey
With these second hand wings
But Im willing to find out
What impossible means

Fly to the heavens
On feathers and dreams
Because the melting point of wax means nothing to me
Nothing to me!
Nothing to me!

I will touch the sun
Or I will die trying

An Interesting Scrubs Episode

2008-02-11T19:27:00.000Z

I know what you're thinking, this note brought to you by "A cold day in Hell" and featuring the "Flying Pigs quartet". Normally I despise Scrubs, its there with Jo Whiley as one of those things that seems incomprehensible and yet popular. It lacks humour, it has the worst lead actor in history and rolls around in its own shitness.

So yes I despise it.

But todays second episode on E4 was different. JD and Elliot despite their "will they wont they" love affair, just randomly started having sex. They were friends during the day, and when they went home, occasionally they'd fuck. It made them both calmer and happier people.

Then the typical Scrubs "We're trying to be Friends" bit hits, and they break it off for no good reason but the point stuck. Sex is prescribed as a cure for a whole list of ailments including wrinkles, stress, endurance...

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/4703166.stm

With Valentines coming up, could sex be the answer (Or just Sex Panther)?? Or avoiding sex pests.

Yes the last one.

Why I couldn't sleep

2008-01-24T19:23:00.000Z

I went to the doctors earlier today, and I knew they were going to tell me off for having missed appointments over christmas (I was ill), and then re-arranging one to go to Vegas. I still went there quite confident my recent pains were the remains of infection that just WONT go away.

My reasoning is this, The pain got worse after I stopped antibiotics, it hit me on a flight to Vegas, and gave me upset stomach and gurgling. A few days later it subsided. So I get to the oncology ward, my usual bouncy quite happy self, and they make me wait JUUUUUUST long enough to be bored and not quite so happy.

I head in, and get said bollocking, and they mention the sample they took of my wee had no sign of infection. My first though is why would it? The infection isn't in my bladder... but then surely and infection infects all of you?... But then I was on the antibiotics at the time I gave the sample.

Anyways, all this stuff is swirling around my head instead of sleep. That and discomfort in the lower abdomen and around sensitive parts. I'm writing this out to hope maybe it will leave my head. But how are you supposed to sleep when all you can think is "what if?"

What if I have to shave my head?
What if it spreads to the other ball, no kids?

The worst part about it all is I just want to curl up and hug.

I dont get like this often, I mean its SUPER rare. Normally I want to be the life of the party, and Ive been especially horny and outgoing lately too.

I'm scared. I admit it. Its 4am and I cant sleep.

I wonder whats on BBC news 24.

(Edit, Jan 09: What was interesting about this blog was who didn't respond to it)

Questionaire 2.

2008-01-08T19:14:00.000Z

1. Who was the last person to call you babe?
I fucking hate that word. So probably Ryan, after I told him under no circumstances is he allowed to do so.

2. When shopping at the grocery store, do you return your cart?
No I leave it by my car, or occasionally get a few and race around the car park. Not done that in too long.

3. If you had to kiss the last person you kissed, would you?
Yeah, I tend not to kiss idiots or people I don't like. That would just be silly. Although the last thing I kissed was a dog (ON THE HEAD on account of the cuteness). Don't go getting weird ideas. Weirdo.

4. Has someone ever sang a song to you?
Plenty of bands have, and I'm under no illusion the rest of the crowd thought it was for them too... but I KNOW it was for me. Such is the joy of narcissism.

5. Do you play Sudoku?
It sounds like a martial art for coronation street cast members... but no. I like to try and fit amusing words into the gaps and then leave them on trains... Like I thought it was a crossword and fucked up.

6. If abandoned alone in the wilderness would you survive?
Define wilderness. If you dropped me in the sahara desert with no water I'd be screwed, but in Woods a couple of miles from the A1, shouldn't be too hard to find a petrol station and steal a mars bar.

7. Have you danced in the rain?
What a stupid thing to do. Why? Why would you?

8. Would you consider yourself a jock/prep/goth/emo/gangste

r?
skater-jock-prep-goth-emo-gangster... about covers it actually

9. Ever been to the beach?
Which beach? I've been to "A" beach, in fact many beaches.

10. Do you like cheese?
It really depends. Its a temperamental sod. I mean sometimes its really rewarding, and adds to nearly any meal, but then there is the really sweaty stuff. I just don't get it. You blue stilton eaters are wrong. WRONG AND SICK

11. Have you ever been to the emergency room?
Yeah, I... I swallowed a 10p.... :(

12. Do you like hot or cold weather more?
hot, no cold... no... hot... Hot climate, plenty of air con. Win.

13. How many different kinds of meat have you eaten?
Veal, Pork, Duck, Lamb, Beef, Chicken, Turkey... Any more?

14. Do you pass gas and blame it on others?
The king does not pass gas, he enjoys it.

15. Do you like winter?
He's alright. Keeps leaving the toilet seat covered in piss though. Nob.

16. Have you wiped a booger under your desk?
Not under MY desk, but plenty of other desks

17. Do you have a secret crush?
Nope, in fact, if you're female and attractive, available (and not a nob), I probably want sex with you.

18. If your house was on fire, what would be the first thing you would do?
Unplug my pc, grab it and run. Yes really, but I live in an apartment block with sprinklers.

19. Would you get plastic surgery?
No, Im hawt. Metal surgery sounds interesting though.

20. Who do you text the most?
Facebook. Seriously.

21. What color are your eyes?
BLOOD RED

22. How tall are you?
7'9 and a third

23. Do you wish you had smaller feet?
No, why on earth would I want smaller feet? I kinda like the size 11 thing I got going on.

24. Has a rumor been spread about you?
Probably, I'm divisive, and really really beardy

25. Have you written a secret admirer letter?
When I was 11. Becky Cawthra, and the bitch did nothing about it. I made an interesting rhyme and everything. Little did I know grovelling love letters only work if you wear a suit and appear in Marks and Spencer adverts.

26. Ever fallen for your best friend?
My best friend is a dude. So no.

27. Age you lost your virginity?
I'm dying to say 7, and to a carrot in the ass... but 16

28. Would you pretend to like something to please your partner?
Thats a very dodgy question. I wouldn't go for the gimp mask shit. Im too naturally dominant for that.

29. Favorite Ex?
Laus, without question. We're still good friends.

30. Are you insecure about your weight?
Its a bit low by my standards, but Im hitting the gym more. I'll be back at 14 and a half stone before long

31. Ever had a sexual fantasy?
Im getting hornier as I get older. Its like my body went "well they took a testicle, lets spread that damn DNA"

32. Would you rather give or recieve?
Give, its not gay if you give it... Scott says...

33. Do you prefer to sleep or eat?
Eat, fall asleep, wake up, and eat again

34. Do you look like your mom or dad?
My uncle. YEAH, didnt see secret option 3 comin did you? HAaaa

35. How long does it take you in the shower?
Depends if Im washing my hair or having a wank, or both.

36. Do you watch reality tv?
Sports I guess counts. Id love to be on reality tv as an audience member just giving them shit.

37. What movie do you want to see right now?
The Life of David Gale. It rocks

38. Do you illegally burn music?
Technically yes, although its a grey area.

39. What did you do for New Years Eve?
Watched American Dad with Cat (and got SPLURGED), then went out with Ry, Annie, Sarah and Noreen... then a hamster showed up with Inspector Pook.

40. Do you think The Grudge was crappy?
Not as shit as this quiz. Who writes these questions?

41. Last sporting event attended?
Naked mud wrestling fat americans trying to screw their livestock.

42. Have you been to an IMAX theater?
Yes. Its all floaty and weird. I love it. Can you imagine IMAX porn?

43. Was your mom a cheerleader?
No but she's about 5'6 blonde and pretty... My mom rocks.

44. Were you a planned pregnancy for your parents?
Not at all, I was a pill that wasn't taken or "miracle birth" :p

45. What is your middle name?
SlicedForeskin

46. How old was your mom when she gave birth to you?
22, she was younger than I am now.

47. How many hours of sleep do you get a night?
10 hours + on average.

48. Last time you had sex?
Couple of weeks.

49. What do you buy at the Movies?
Pic n Mix and minstrels. I never finish either and end up throwing them away.

50. Do you know how to play poker?
Reasonably well yeah. Its a button on facebook that you press.

51. Do you wear your seatbelt?
Who's gonna say no to this question? Was this questionnaire made in the late 80s?

52. What do you wear to sleep??
Boxer Shorts, or a Ronald McDonald thong.

53. Anything big ever happen in your town?
ME. I was all like in that place, and then I LEFT YO. Straight up.

54. Is your hair straight or curly?
Big, until I make it little, with my magic hot wand ear pain.

55. Is your tongue pierced?
Some would say forked

56. Do you like Liver and Onions?
My liver is quite cool since it keeps me alive, but I only have one onion :(

57. What is your favorite sushi?
The kind that GETS THE HELL AWAY FROM ME

58. Do you like funny or serious people better?
People who dont take themselves too seriously until they absolutely have to.

59. Ever been to Hollywood?
Not yet. I would be spotted and made a millionaire (Its called the american dream and Im allowed to have it)

60. Who is on your mind right now?
Johnny Soporno and his slowness to reply. I wanna go to vegas

61. Any plans for tonight?
Its 1am and Im watching basketball. Do the math.

62. Last party attended?
The Pants Party

63. Do you hate chocolate?
Who writes this shit pt3. Who hates chocolate? And do they hate babies too? Babies are kinda shit though. They don't do anything but make a mess, and for what? A cute girgle and a smile. You can get that at an old folks home.

64. What do you and your parents fight about the most?
Oil

65. Are you a gullible person?
Not terribly. I got april fooled once maybe

66. Ever go to a theme or costume party?
I go to plenty, as me.

67. If you could have any job what would it be?
Blow

68. Are you easy to get along with?
On a basic level yes. But if you mention saving the planet Im liable to heatbutt you.

69. What is your favorite time of day?
NIGHT. WOOOOOOOOO!

70. Are you a generally happy person?
Pretty much.

The Value of Wisdom

2008-01-07T19:13:00.000Z

If life was a question, the answer would be your eulogy, or at least how you are remembered. So the question is, how will you be remembered and who will be doing the remembering?

Everybody wants and respects wisdom. Those big sentences that give us the "Oh shit" moment and make everything seem so simple. Those are the sentences most wish they could produce.

Yet just like those who live in hot climates long to see snow, and those who live in the cold long for the sun... Wisdom and Learning are two very different things. Wisdom, or more accurately the illusion of wisdom can be constructed from an advanced vocabulary and some lateral thinking.

I find it very easy to out argue somebody, or better articulate their thoughts. In a strange way I can get to the very route of understanding... and you'd think this would be all a person ever needs, and often for other people a good listener is all they need to be content. If only my life were so simple :p

What use are answers without questions? If you remember at school when the teacher gave you questions and answers, you always had to write the question? I would always discard the question and just write the answer. I appear to be wired for thinking that way and here's how it can be bad.

1) Dogs
2) Insight
3) banana's
4) Probably Greece
5) Alan Carr
6) Twice a week on average

The above are all the answers to some quite interesting questions. Yet standing alone they are utterly useless. They could be about anything, and it would take some pretty good guess work to figure out what they mean.

How about another example. If you ever cheated and looked at the answers to fill in the crossword, notice how the enjoyment is destroyed. If you ever used a guide to a video game, its nowhere near as fun. We love to discover, its hard-wired.

In effect, having all the answers is USELESS.

In a conversation, or debate if one person starts with a very well rounded and articulate statement covering a lot of possible comebacks, the debate is stifled and the joy is gone. Whenever we are given an answer, we don't like it that much.

So when we have a friend who can help us express ourselves, we find it intoxicating. Instead of cheating, we are forced to articulate our own thoughts and learn something about ourselves. Communication is one of the joys of living. Not having the answer, but travelling to it WITH OTHERS.

So with several paragraphs of qualification I'm about to make a bold statement. I have always being accused of being a smart arse, of having all the answers. I've realised that yes, that's actually true.

I have a nose for an answer and I will instinctively find it. Of course as I've established that's of no real use to me, beyond a discipline mechanism. I still have to learn and experience things just like anyone else, I just happen to be really good at knowing what to do. Whether I do it or not is a different matter all together, and where I require my friends. Like the guy in the hot climate begging for snow, I need people who challenge and interest me. People who can put up with my shit. The combination of challenge and strong desire to live life to the fullest is an excellent recipe to ensure someone will be close to me.

Whenever you have an epiphany the temptation is to shout it from the rooftops, it creates a rush of mania that is addictive and evangelical. I've come to learn that far smarter people than I have had all the epiphanies I have, and articulated them far better. It's interesting just how wise figures from history that are well known can be.

The issue isn't that this knowledge doesn't exist. All your answers are out there... It's that they have to be tied up into what we call a lifetime. It's at this point you stop seeing the answer as the goal. The answer alone is useless. It's how you get there and who with.

If life was a question, the answer would be your funeral, or at least how you are remembered. So the question is, how will you be remembered and who will be doing the remembering?

Passion of the Sy: Music

2007-12-20T19:12:00.000Z

Everyone likes music. Wait, I''l rephrase, everyone likes certain sounds that follow a mathematically interesting pattern. The difference between the two is passion. Passion and enjoyment are often mistaken for each other. Time for a little defintion.

Enjoyment is a lighthearted cheeky wank of a word. Often without the mess, unless it involves Ice Cream. Interestingly though the way most people appear to enjoy music is on a similar level to the way we all like Ice Cream. Enjoyment is an indulgence we either opt for, or happen upon and consume. As a species we are consumers of enjoyment. Enjoyment however is a fickle short term emotion, lasting roughly 3 minutes on average (Studies from Arcade machines, Pop Song producers and commercial advertisers show as much).

To really be involved in life we need Passion. Passion is the difference between existing and living.

Passion has a tendency to be all consuming. Passion is hard to reign in. Passion can be too much to take, and therin lies its beauty and magnificence. Many of the best things in life are those we have to work for. A wank is fun, but hours of sensuality requires passion.

Now we're back at music, and the difference between hearing and listening. Hearing is a passive activity, which draws us in with an interesting sound. When we hear something we are compelled to move to it. A loud song, in an exciteable environment is intoxicating in the same way a drug is. We then associate positive times with that song, and will buy the product.

Listening is a much more private affair. Listening requires effort on the part of the person, and requires them to question their own tastes REGULARLY. To listen you have to invest your time in each part of the noise. The words, the beat, the melody, the instruments. Then completley forget that you dissected it and enjoy the whole. Then how the lyrics link with the melody, then the emotional impact and lastly if you LEARNED anything from the song. Did it teach you something, did it articulate something for you? Did it help you understand and enjoy life more?

All these things are the hallmarks of truly amazing music, and music that can truly amaze you with just a little bit of effort. If you have never googled song lyrics, chances are you are missing one of life's little treats. Are you one of those people who never knows the words to songs (beyond the catchy chorus)? Maybe its time to give music another chance.

To me the very thought is heresy (herr-essy - it means something really bad :p). When you have lived with this passion in your life (or any passion) how could you not devote more of your life to doing so?

Life & The people in it

2007-11-23T19:00:00.000Z

Food for thought in a world starving itself of cognitive excercise. We have the intellectual capacity to learn and analyse and we don't. Pissing in the wind is futile and makes you smelly. Yet en massè we persist.

Silence is golden, but a wall of silence is a pure golden shower of regret. Breaking silence and honestly communicating DESIRES, HOPES and the way FORWARD are never bad. The more two sides of a debate dont communicate, the more paranoia makes them hate each other. Ever noticed that? That when someone falls out with someone else... The actual reason gets left behind and all these extra things get thrown into the pot and given a good stir. "Oh well, yeah, but Im pretty sure you were up to something too, and dont act like you werent!"... Type statements are bullshit.

There is pretty much no situation where thinking you know, is an adequate substitute for KNOWING. Acting on what you *think* you know is intrinsically STUPID. The lesson for all us mortals venturing down this fragile road is that sometimes perspective beats agenda. If you think someone hates you, they don't; usually... Unless you are from westlife.

Simplicity is a beautiful thing. Mundane has such negative connotations, but did you ever hear of someone who enjoyed a "complex" relationship? Simplicity comes from honesty, and that honesty needs to turn inwards occasionally.

Vile over the top rant. Read in context. You are warned.

2007-11-17T18:53:00.000Z

The following is an excercise in ranting. It is unreasoble and biased. React.

Children in Need angers me. Not so much that they're a charity, or even a televised marthon of people failing to entertain me. Its the false excitement that everyone puts on for the whole thing.

It's like Hen nights, or office fancy dress parties. Its those without a sense of humour attempting to be zany and energetic. It brings out creatures who really should stay inside, continue watching daytime TV and over eating. "OOO look at me, Im so zany and crazy". People who SAY that shit, are doing so to compensate for a lack of personality. Personality isn't difficult. Observe a musing plucked from thin air.

"Why when you go to a club do you call it clubbing? It suggests violence and fails to deliver. Have you ever seen a club with the lights off? They're such a let down. Like some women without makeup. Lesson for the day. True value lasts, regardless of the light levels".

See? EASY. Interesting, mildly funny, and MOST importantly ORIGINAL.

Why the fuck are TV cast members trying to sing songs from the 60s about getting high? How is that going to make me donate? They keep pointing out that people don't donate while they are being entertained. I'm being bored to fucking tears, and I keep watching out of morbid curiosity. How low can this thing go. Then they throw on some reformed boyband that lacks talent, or the latest X factor wannabe. OUCH

Don't get me started on the constant cheering. TV shows clap at EVERYTHING. Have you ever tried to clap along with a tv show? Try it. It will make you want to stab seals. All this stuff is the norm, all this stuff we accept because we're used to it. Like the laughter track on comedy shows.

Middle aged, middle of the road, mildly zany, mild entertainment causes such rage in me. Dressing up makes them look FAT, struggling to say "I spent all day in custard" makes them look stupid AND FAT. Being ugly and fat on TV after sitting in custard all day makes their life pointless. Die.

There are proven ways to make money. Chances are you make more outside ASDA with a bucket than you ever will sitting in beans (Unless you have rich friends and good guilt strings). People do the sitting in beans, and then BRAG about it. "I sat in beans! Will you give me money?". Did I miss the memo, or does that make no sense whatsoever? You sat in beans, haha, you dumbass.

Hen nights should fuck off.

Why is there always ONE hot girl, and the rest ugly? Why do they use this occasion to be really "outrageous" and pinch my ass, or ask me why I have long hair. Their lives are insignificant to me. I will never see them again. They're ugly, agressivley medicore and have probably never voted. I dont want to interact with these people.

Noodles are shit. Whats the fucking point? They taste like cardboard.

Spot the NLP

2007-11-16T18:52:00.000Z

When women are holding out sex they think they are saying "I am powerful, you want me despite me not having sex with you". What they're actually saying is "The only power I have, is the biology I was born with". Not realising what a huge turn off that is.

There are two stereotypes that must first be addressed. Firstly. Yes there are a lot of guys out there who are just after sex, and will manipulate to do so. Being burned by this a girl quickly learns that if she holds out those guys that SHE DOESNT WANT, stay interested in her. She is now successfully failing and getting what she wants. Secondly. Yes there are a lot of girls who sleep around to make themselves feel better about being unable to make a connection with someone. They replace the emotional black hole with a sexual rainbow. Like any drug however, the endorphines released during sex only last so long...

Now with those two out of the way, we are left with sensible, rational people who see the trappings most fall into. Either we have the physical and not the mental, or we try have the mental but it isn't sealed with the physical. Without a bridge you can't cross a river, so to get what we want we have to balance both on some levels.

I want YOU to take on board this message. Its time to stop fearing life and start LIVING it.

I am not judging those who have sex for sport. More power to them, so long as they're doing it with the right frame of mind. Nor do I judge those who hold out. I am however convinced both types of people are doing so based on false beleif and flat out WRONG logic.

Just as you cannot have yin without yang, up without down, wrong without right. You cannot realistically head into any "romantic" relationship without the harmony produced when the physical and mental combine. Fear causes us to not commit, or over commit and worry a lot. It is this fear that then leads to the dimise of relationships. The fear then grows stronger. The only thing that comes from fear is MORE FEAR. Our task is to take a risk.

Like a handshake, or a dance, or any ritual one leads the other follows. Without equal hope and equal intention the handshake doesn't happen, the dance is out of time and the ritual is broken. Imagine if we were scared to handshake someone, put our hand out but then retracted it out of fear. Not once, but consistently. The other person would pretty soon (understandably) be pissed off.

This metaphor works for both the physical and mental aspects of relationships. Men often enter and are driven by their hormones to persue the physical relationship. They attempt to do this by offering some level of emotional connection. They are however using this as a device to get the physical, which they *think* is their goal.

Women often are driven by their hormones to persue the emotional relationship. They attempt to do this by offering some level of physical connection. They are however using this as a device to get the emotional. Which they *think* is their goal. This is what they mean when they say men are from Mars, women; Venus.

What a stupid saying. We both live on earth, and we should be in harmony. Deep down we all want both. As a species its time to be honest about desires. We have a habit of dancing around the truth. Why not express the truth and then dance in joy? Seems much more fun!

Attraction, Flirtation, Euphoria, Doubt and Truth are the five elements we progress through. Most of us go through the first 4, for the duration of a relationship because we never realise the truth, we never share our truth and so we can never live it. Boy likes girl, girl likes boy can they PLEASE make that clear to each other? There is nothing to lose but that which was never to be anyway. Which is a good thing to lose!

I want YOU to take on board this message. Its time to stop fearing life and start LIVING it.

The thrill of communicating has been lost. That heart pumping, world shaking mixture of anxiety and hope that reminds you you're alive, is an essential part of living. Our generation seems to afraid to live. We live in a world scarred by divorce and the cautionary tales of those who lived with fear but never learned from it. Every person, project or idea is an investment. Its up to your instincts, experience and intelligence to decide if that investment is worth your time and will pay off. If every fibre in you says yes and ONLY FEAR is saying no... Destroy fear.

Only those who dare to fail will ever succeed. You cannot win a race in bubblewrap. Persistence and hope in combinations are rare virtues of the successful. Yet many have walked that path, and here we sit, afraid to take the steps others have taken before us. The successful blazed a trail, by never failing to succeed. If we only took the chance. If we only took the risk. If we only considered what scares us.

Why all these ifs? Why are we stuck in Wet Sand we imagined into existence? Why do we find justification in consistently failing? Why do I keep writing with rhetorical questions?

Because I want YOU to take on board this message. Its time to stop fearing life and start LIVING it.

False beliefs & How they affect YOO

2007-11-01T18:51:00.000Z

Wouldn't it be cool if there were goggles you could put on that made everything just work?

Kinda like those X-Ray lenses from 50s comics, except not for being a perv.

As a specs wearer I'd like to share a little known fact. Maybe is just me being retarded but I think its a species thing. After wearing specs for a long enough time period you completley forget they are there. They improve your vision, they make life better in a lot of ways... and at first can be a little annoying to get used to.

Anyone who can see where I'm going with this already wins 10 cool points.

Walking around on a daily basis, most of humanity is short sighted. They are focussed on todays problems. Does this sound familiar? All the little things going wrong?

STOP right now, thank you very much (I need somebody with a spice girl touch...)...

STOPPING that common mistake will set you apart from everyone else. All it takes is a little perspective and reframing.

There is also an added advantage to you stopping that behaviour. Everyone else who is still short sighted can borrow your specs. They will thank you so much! You have allowed them to see the worlds true beauty. Its called perspective, and its incredibly valueable.

People are enticed by a person with perspective. We all need a strong voice to tell us everything is going to be ok. One that can tell us why as well?! Wow. Well they are heroes that give 60s Batman a run for his money.

Now lets break this down into male and female:

Male false beliefs

-Men are naturally competing on some level.
-Men are petrified of rejection
-Men tie their value to social standing
-Men fear being exposed and will not share their fears.

There is so much wrong with the above. We value one aspect of ourselves above "most guys". Looks, status, intelligence. Something. Men are suprisingly helpful and useful in a brootherhood. Brotherhood is the least tapped resource, and the most successful. The community is a good start, however men working together is a key to success. Unlock it to achieve.

Rejection is merley a missed opporunity. Things that don't happen are of no relevance. Only things that happen and have real world impact are of any REAL use to us. These are the things we MUST focus on. Focussing on the negative doesn't ACHIEVE anything and is a WASTE of time. Why would you want to WASTE time? What a strange concept.

Men tying their value to social proof has a lot to do with the "pecking order" concept. A false construct. We each have a unique talent where it is ideal for us to lead. There are also times when it is benificial for is to follow a stronger leader. We GAIN from that. Being the man who can choose when he wants to lead and doesn't let his ego stop him from following is POWERFUL, and wins RESPECT very quickly. Try it.

Fear of exposure can only exist if you are putting on a front. In effect you can only fear revealing something about yourself if you are pretending to be something you are not. HOW CRAZY IS THAT? Whats more... exposing who you are and depricating WINS friends and RESPECT. People can relate to it and want to be with someone who has the CONFIDENCE to expose that.

Female false beliefs

-Women compete physically
-Women fear judgement by other women
-Women fear being exposed as "fake" and will not share fears easily, especially with guys
-Women fear taking social risks

Competing with other peoples looks is like running to beat an olympic athlete rather than to get fit. It's the wrong way to go about things. You will end up exhausted and not achieve anything. You don't want to make silly decisions. Make the right decision for YOU. What suits YOU. The key is indentity and sexuality.

Women can be mean to other women, mainly due to fearing judgement themselves. Social standards dictate that a woman cannot be strong. Social standards dictate that a woman can't make her own decisions. Social standards inprison women. Yet they are inforced mostly BY WOMEN WHO FEAR JUDGEMENT! This is such a strange concept. SCREW social standards. Women are just as free as men and should NEVER be judged for decisions they take. We as men should support them 100% in this.

Fear of exposure can only exist if you are putting on a front. In effect you can only fear revealing something about yourself if you are pretending to be something you are not. HOW CRAZY IS THAT? Whats more... exposing who you are and depricating WINS friends and RESPECT. People can relate to it and want to be with someone who has the CONFIDENCE to expose that. (Yes this needed repeating)

Risk = Achievement. Its a simple formula. Yet women will shy away from it. So will men. We live in our comfortable world restrained by an Ego and Fear which does not allow us to be WHO WE ARE. It does not allow us to EXPRESS OURSELVES. It is not TRUE. It is not REAL. It is fear. Yet we won't say hi to that girl or guy we like. We won't express our feelings. This HAS TO STOP.

Express yourself to everyone. Put on those perspective spectacles.

Send me ten dollah.

Risk vs Reward. A battle! Woo

2007-10-23T18:48:00.000+01:00

How many people do you know that fall into one of these catagories?

Wreckless Risk takers: So drawn into the moment and incapeable of perspective they will take silly risks and be far too compulsive for their own good.

Total bores: The kind that never ever change anything in their lives. Even if it doesn't suit them. They continue as they are because they fear change, even if they know it will make their lives a LOT better.

Obvious enough. My interesting idea of the day is that most of us are both to some degree, and usually depending on what area of life it applies to. For example there are those of us who are more compulsive with their social life, but quiet at work. There are those of us who excel at work, jumping from job to job and climbing the ladder. There are those that travel but never change their home life.

The last catagory interests me because its probably the largest. People who love travelling are embracing escapism because there is something (or usually a bunch of things and people) they don't like about their life. A man far wiser than I once said, if you find yourself embracing escapism all the time, and your life has no direction; its time to embrace escape and get the fuck out! Leave that old job, town or looser behind. Instead of settling for the least worse acceptable daily routine, create the BEST possible by discovering what where and who you like the most!

The sad thing is often we don't value ourselves enough to know when we deserve better. Most people will hit middle age and old age regretting not taking a few more risks in their personal lives, and taking too many with their finances. There has to be a lesson here.

What are the risks of being honest about what you want? And what are the rewards? Most people desire to be loved much more than money, yet they chase money and avoid risk taking with their heart. Only those who dare to fail will ever succeed. Half the fun in life is failing and getting back up. It makes you a better person. What do you want? Go get it.

A question heir.

2007-10-17T18:47:00.000+01:00

1) Some random girl comes up to you and says "Hey what's your name?" you say?
Rumpledforeskin.

2) What's the last thing you put in your mouth?
I really want to say "your mom" but it was a galaxy bar.

3) What does your last text message say?
"Your not alone, walk with me in hell".

4) What was the last song you listened to?
Nirvana - Something in the Way

5) If you hated someone and got put in charge of their funeral music, what would it be?
The Fast Food Rockers or worse... Kasabian/Artic Monkeys or any of that dreary shit. YUCK

6) Where is your best friend right now?
Asleep in the house of 1000 smells.

7) What did you do yesterday?
The gym, and lots of internet chatting with Kirstables.

8) Pick a scar on your body - what did you do?
Lower abdomen. I had a testicle removed.

10) How old is your mum?
45 going on 5.

11) Last time you were dumped?
April 2004. I think it was the 24th... I used to know the date. I was a saddo. Now appologise to the tree.

12) Who's your most religious friend?
Internets.

13) Who do you trust with your life?
Any of the Wolfpac. They know who they are.

14) If you could change your name to anything what would it be?
Bucky, Captain Bucky O'Haire!

15) What would you say if someone told you that you were the most beautiful person in the world and they would do anything to wake up to your face each and every morning?
Punch them for being way too into me. Or respond in kind, depends who said it really. April from the Turtles or Ariel from the little mermaid or legit hotties whom I... [Stop talking... Just... Stop]

16) How often do you curse?
Not as often since I lost my wand and couldren.

17) Do you trust all of your friends?
Its a pre-requisite of someone being my friend. Fail me and DIE.

18) Would you move to another state or country to be with the one you love?
I like moving and living in awesome places. The reasons I move have to be practical more than personal.

19) Do you believe that everything happens for a reason?
No, everything happens. How you react is what counts.

20) Name the things you would NOT tolerate in a relationship?
Dishonesty and Jelousy. Those are the only two things ever I do not tolerate.

21) Which one of your top friends do you think would make the best prostitute?
Scott. Hot rhymes with his name.

22) Are you afraid of falling in love?
Bah, fear is False Evidence Appearing Real. Its a useless emotion.

23) Is there someone that popped in your mind after that question?
Not directly, love isn't a switch you can turn on or off. But latley I've been thinking about Ariel from the little mermaid A LOT. Anyone who can handle my sense of humour AND my turrets... Yeah they win. They win lots... I'm thirsty. (ooooooo hint)

24) Would you stop talking to your friends because you hooked up with a new person?
How silly. No.

25) What features do you find most attractive in the opposite/same sex?
A girl who can make ME laugh regularly, whom I know I can trust to be completley honest with me, and never hide an emotion away; and who is stunningly attractive. I have high standards, but I hold myself to them.

26) Fill in the blank. I love_____:
Ariel from the little mermaid, Nandos, Life, Humourous Hobbits

37) Did anyone see you kiss the last person you kissed?
Ummm... probably not without binoculars. (They're 2inches tall)

38) Do you still talk to the last person you kissed
Yeah. Its super rare I fall out with someone, unless we are in a tree or something. Then its gravitys fault.

39) Have you ever punched a tree?
They are suprisingly evil.

40) Have you ever snuck out of your house?
Why? I live in my own apartment. That would be silly

41) Never sleep or never eat?
Sleep and eat lots.

42) Morning or night person?
Night crawler.

43) Are you there for your friends?
As much as possible. Being helpful is one of my priorities.

44) Do you like to spend time with people?
So long as I get some alone time every now and then, Im pretty much always with peeps

45) Drunk dialer or texter?
I dont really get drunk very often. I am a random texter though. A demon no less.

46) Are you a forgiving person?
When I have to be

47) Would you ever share a girl/boyfriend with your best friend?
It depends on the situation, but I have nothing against it. It depends on the people.

48) Have you lost a friend recently?
Nope

49) Are you talking to someone while doing this/?
Yeah. Lewis, we're discussing that tragic football score.

50) Do you want a relationship right now?
Maybe. Easy come.

The A1, Horror Films & Lauren

2007-10-15T18:45:00.000+01:00

The A1 is officially the worst road ever, since crappy roads were invented, it takes the No-bell Crappy award for the most impossible road to drive on ever. I don't mind leaving a house party half way through to rescue a cyclopse, but I do mind shitty roads. The A1 has a habit of throwing roundabouts at you in the middle of nowhere, then requiring you to turn, in a cone wonderland without regard for the fact you were doing 70mph on a dual carriageway. The only thing I can liken it to is being dipped in tar and then asked to navigate a maze on rocket skates. Its downright confusing, dark and evil.

Speaking of dark and evil: Lauren.

No wait. Speaking of dark and evil I got a new tshirt this weekend at the Devildriver / God Forbid gig. God forbid blew my little titties off as I moshed, so I purcahsed the tshirt with the wonderfully antisocial "Metal as Fuck" slogan. I look forward to wearing it in a club that has a very strict door policy. Anyhoo, enough of that tangent, back to our story.

The joy of the A1 ride was Ryan and Sarah kindly joined me. Whilst me and Ryan set the world right with our stunningly accurate observations of humanity and culture, Sarah kept it real like only she can. Offering directions, and when we needed it most; hope. Allow me to elaborate. Roughly 20 miles into the journey we noted how horror movie like our plight was. Our dialogue for this film was witty and had recurring themes and jokes. Then we got lost.

Then Ryan couldn't pee (Pee anxiety struck in a laybay on the A1 somewhere between doncaster and a tree). It was dark, old school dark. The kind of dark where you can't hear anything but your car indicator ticking from inside the car and your hands look like impliments off doom. An indicator casts an eerie blinking shadow on a windy hill when you are as exposed as to have your hands and your man part and happen to be pissing.

This would all be fine if we weren't lost, and very frustrated at being lost. It wasn't Cyclopses fault, he had done his upmost to inform us where to be. The guy that gave us directions to Tuxford told us it was "just past doncaster". Tuxford is just past doncaster in the same way North Korea is just past Hull.

After two hours of travelling up and down the A1 and loosing all hope for existence we see a sign for Tuxford... and go sailing past it. Possibly the most bittersweet moment in the existence of humanity. On the A1. Finding Tuxford wasn't hard after that, but finding the address was obscene. We found 82, 84 and 86... but was Number 81 there? Noooo? What do you do in a situation like that? Call the RAC? Join the circus? No! Bellow out of the window at the top of your lungs: "Bbbuyauhaaaaaaaah!"... In the hope said Cyclopse will hear you. Well you do if your name is Ryan

Being past the point of frustration was a given by now. The closed motorway exit on the way home enforcing a 10 mile detour couln't hold me back. I was heading to a party where everyone was drunk to find the one sober guy and play video games. I succeeded. I retire to pastures old. I am a hero in my own bedtime. So then a weird woman knocks at the door of mine and Diego's apartment and claims to have been kicked out of another apartment and need a taxi to Hebbden Bridge. Surreal just doesn't cut it.

She reminded me of something Ryan said the week earlier whilst we were lost in Birmingham. Birmingham is the only city with URGH and MING in the name. This is for good reason to warn off travellers. I now know this.

*Guitar interlute, ejaculation and goodnight*

Until next time. I have been ranting, and this will never be read all the way through. Ahh tedious inevetibility, I salute you.

Hospitals & A Special Cat

2007-08-09T18:45:00.000+01:00

Damn NHS.

I got an infection during surgery so now I have to spend 3 days in hospital on antibiotics to clear it. I was only just walking again too!

Bastards

See you all soon

Oh and feel free to call/drop by I will be bored.

Special mention to Cat my lil superstar, take care in london you :)

Thoughts Facing Cancer

2007-07-30T18:44:00.000+01:00

This may be the most important thing I ever write. Please read it. You will get to know me a LOT better by reading all this. A lot of stuff I've never revealed.

Figured I'd record a few thoughts while I'm sitting here. Who knows they could be useful one day. Mortality is interesting. How will you react when you face it? You think you know, you're quite confident, but actually facing it is quite different. Or in my case suprisingly indifferent.

I am actually happy I could die tomorrow, warts and all, knowing I'd be both missed and fondly remembered. Is this not true immortality, and why we are here? Sure with another 60 years that would only grow. It does partially annoy me that I have many thoughts and ideas which I haven't yet had time to express, and that I get caught up in the mundane so easily.

Understanding the world around me, has let me know the world. With less enigma's there is less confusion. Clarity is essential. Piano's are clear, music is clear, the sky and a breeze are always clear. Find those whenever confused, they give perspective like nobody else can. We already know all our answers, because they come from within, not outside of us.

Learn about politics, understand how your world works. Learn about people, learn about business, learn about animals. The human brain when functioning anywhere near correctly, never looses the ability to learn. What a gift that is. Use your mind to explore your emotions, Use your emotions to explore life. Being alive, at our best guess, is a fluke. Why not ENJOY that? Depression is not a state of mind, its a stain on the mind. Clear it with clarity, bourne of self discovery.

Look at what we as a species have invented completley off our own backs and get to enjoy. Nectar points, little chefs, nail clippers; ANYTHING. Our lives are shockingly awesome. The human condition seems to be convinced we have to be guilty for being who we are, or sad about something we must fix. This is different from contentment and happiness, which in turn is different from ambition. Happiness fuels ambition, and ambition fuels happiness.

Make light of dark, we figured out fire a long time ago, but we have a fire inside us to change ANYTHING. We as a species or even individuals are incredibles. Our attitute to life can change other lives. This is the greatest pleasure and indulgence I have EVER experienced. I run a website dedicated to helping people, and while my goal may be pretty big; to cure hurt wherever I see it, I think its achievable if we all adapt an attitude to do so.

What inspires you? Do you even know? What makes you who you are? Whats different about you? What do YOU have to offer the world? You will suprise yourself. I've always felt different. Like I was destined to change the world almost... but then maybe we all are. Ask yourself honestly, do you think you have untapped potential? Its true of nearly EVERYONE. Why is that?

Steps to inspiring yourself and others

Connecting with a persons emotions and desires is far easier than you think. Your hunches are usually correct, and when they aren't and you make a mistake, you are merley improving your instincts. Sharpening them.

Read people's emotions behind their words. Chances are they struggle to connect with their own emotions. Through your exploration, you are used to doing so. It pains me to see two people miscommunicating good emotions and arguing with each other! So much... There are very very VERY few bad people in the world, just confused, sad and hurt people. My mum once said "Sad people hurt others". Its true. Fix the sadness, fix the anger. All anger is sadness struggling to get out.

People can be freaked out and will get defensive when facing their own emotions. They have learned for years to hide any weakness with agressive behaviour and will throw that front at you. Patience is a gift. Use it. It helps people. Speak to their emotions, not back to their words.

They may throw an agressive accusation at you, beginning an argument. Resist the urge to argue. A strong person never argues and does not accept bullshit. You try to respond to them, and if they refuse to meet you half way after a few attempts cut off communication until they are. Respond with things like "I don't think you mean that, I mean have you thought about the fact your words might hurt someone? People need you're help and you're good at XY and Z."

We are the light in the tunnel, we are living and dying, see how we are thrown in the world. We are the light in the tunnel for us all. Realise I am alive. We are the ones who make a difference to EACH OTHER. We have all the power we will ever need to change our own and each others lives. The world is not leading us, we lead it.

Make people believe this. Share it with them. Allow a person to realise how important THEY are to you and everyone else, and they will not WANT to be mean. Bad emotions get in the way of good ones. The way to aoid hurt is to give respect until it is lost, and allow it to be earned by others and earn it yourself. Outside that, nothing exists. Expect nothing, accept anything if you understand the motives. Work with people not against them.

But ultimatley if they are too unreasonable to help, don't.

Learn about the world

Why will learning about mundane shit help at all? Shh Mr Cynic. Being informed is being in form as a human being. Being informed is being human. You are more likley to be able to help others and yourself if you understand something, than if you don't. It sounds shockingly simple, but now think about the idea of understanding how your country or the stock markets work, or politics? Most people have settled for somebody elses answer. Have you REALLY explored all possibilities and considered the world around you? Have you properlly thought about it?

Your world is your canvas to enjoy living, and help others do so. This is my meaning of life. Marketing is genius, market your abilties, market positive experience to others, market marketing.

Random Biographical Details

So how many of you fuckers actually know me huh? The pretty handsom akward sexy shy LUNATIC that is me? As a kid I was a fat bugger. I hate photos of me from about 7 to 17, in fact the 90s was a nasty decade for me. Save the rave is the worst possible thing that could be a fashion! I don't want anything to do with the 90s.

I spent the late 90s in high school, bit of a geek. My claim to fame was I knew all the specs and how video games consoles worked. Really. Fortunatley I was quite likeable and never really got bullied. Except for a bunch in the face from Brendon Duffy in year 7. I didn't mind, he punches like a pussy, it didn't even bruise. What a first class nob that guy is.

I spent all of highschool fancying Becky Cawthra. MAN, she WAS jennifer aniston, who I also had a thing for. Same crazy personality, stunning but just a little bit crazy and silly. Towards the end of high school we got on as friends, and I actually learned a lot from her. Saw her like two years ago and it was fun reminicing. I am a very different person now. Honesty with my feelings is just not an issue. It would be so cool to be me NOW going through high school. I'd RUN that place.

I adore Frank Sinatra and Dean Martin. Legends. I love classic styling and suits. But I can't resist the whole beachy thing and I wanna live in miami. The variety in life is incredible. Movies are pure entertainment, as are video gamers, but the best way to clear your head besides meditation is the gym or physical activity. No matter what your problems are, they're never as bad after the gym. Perspective comes from getting out of your logical mouse traps.

My mum is single handedly the greatest mother in the world. Everyone says that. Everyone says that everyone says that. Everyone likes to mention it about their mother. But I actually mean it. Others have agreed. So I know Im not bonkers. My mum is a best friend, superstar, incredibly helpful and a bundle of happy. She has given me the perfect start to life, and my life exists to thank her for the start she gave me.

My Bro scott is a legit legend. The hardest panda bear known to man :p and a gay. A big metal head gay lol. Ry and Amo both smell lightly of scented oils and love you longtime, try desperatley to get in their pants. Seriously.

Ok that concludes part 1. You cant sum up a life of thoughts in just one rant. Checkback for more.

A Muse meant.

2007-06-22T18:43:00.000+01:00

This was originally posted on my website, but some might find it interesting.

Money, clothes, books... These things will all help round your character, but alone will do nothing. There is a difference between knowing and understanding. I'd wager it is that gap which holds so many back. Learn to understand what you ALREADY know and have known for longer than you probably thought and the rest falls into place.

A teacher at school once told me that "You may not progress as fast as everyone else in PE, but so long as you put in the effort you will get good grades". This was when I was in year 8, over weight and ~ 5'7. At the time I didn't think much to it, and accepted it, I was smart enough to realise I wasn't quite the same as others around me and didn't feel like I could change that fact. The year passes and I go through a growth spurt, loosing a lot of weight in the process. The teachers are full of praise, but I hadn't put much effort in. I couldn't understand why my expecations had been dampened so much, I felt like the whole thing was wrong. The situation highlighted to me something very strange. They were trying to avoid hurting my feelings instead of pushing me. What if I hadn't been lucky enough to have that growth spurt?

Now I'm older and in the position where I regularly push others out of their comfort zones and I begin to understand why. When you push someone, their negative wiring tells them to accept that they cannot progress. Yet the duality of this acceptance of negativity and a butt load of HOPE means they will invest time, money and anything else but true effort.

We all progress at very different speeds and are at different stages. My initial story is to demonstrate how the same situation is viewed differently based on your achievement level. As individuals we react based on our belief about ourself, and our belief about life and the world in general. This in turn effects how we will react to being taught and teaching any given skill.

When I was younger and had just started working in IT, I worked in a software group mostly full of professional software developers who were used to dealing with PCs and windows and could figure out very simple sentences like "Just hit start>run>msconfig and untick anything the company has installed over the network". I learned a lot when I had to write a user guide on the same topic for a larger audience. I was stunned by just ho methodical you have to be. Including a screenshot and description for everything in full prose, no short hand allowed. It took me literally weeks of trying and failing before I completed what should have been a simple task, because I could not see PCs any other way than how I had grown up with them.

This has paralells within life. Those at earlier progression levels come with their own beleif set, and those further progressed have an alternate beleif set. In the middle however, there is a breakdown of communication.

If we take the user guide scenario as an example.

The users of the guide were frustrated by the lack of clarity, and the aloofness with which the informaiton was presented. Why couldn't it just be clear?

The writer of the guide was frustrated by the users lack of understanding. How could they not get the simplest of tasks?

I believe this demonstrates the gap between those progressed in their social skills and those still progressing. The classic example is the natural who says "Just talk to her, Jesus!". I have begun to understand this frustration over the last year, because the irony of the tactics and analysis, is that its all to find simplicity. Its learning to let go. Its not doing, its being. Yet I refuse to let go of the memories of frustration in other aspects, and the students POV. What I write this in aid of; is the hope that prospective students of life will realize that communicating something understood on a level beyond the cerebral is difficult for instructors and that WE need YOUR help too.

Newness Apartmentous!

2007-06-18T18:41:00.000+01:00

I am now a resident of Leeds, in the lovley Clarence Dock development by the amouries and surrounded by soon to be completed shops and leisure facilities.

Having my own place is awesome, not only do I get a good sized bedroom with en suite, I get the coolest living area and kitchen ever. Oh and did I mention A FREAKIN BALCONY? Not just any balcony, a full on summer party, plenty of alcohol, BBQ friendly Balcony overlooking the Canal.

I'm on top of the world, come join me up here. It rocks.

Im finding out I am very good at cleaning up after myself and that anyone who needs teaching how to use a household appliance wants shooting. This place is so very me. Bye bye HaliSHITE and good riddence.

The only downsides I can find are that... umm...

Wait downsides? Nope. Not seeing them. I mean the bills are nothing to sniff at but really, Im over the moon with this place. I expect to see many of you here before long.

From yesterday it Calls

2007-06-12T20:40:00.000+01:00

Thursday night I got so drunk playing a cards/drinking game I was slapping random strangers on the chest and shouting WHOOOOO! Ric Flair style. To the amusement of my friends... I'm talking of course about The Download festival.

At this point superlatives are inconsequential, the last six days of my life are beyond the mere adjectives of the English Language. For those of you that have visited festivals before, you may have an idea, for those of you who haven't; you missed the greatest show on earth and smell like my pile of washing.

The Metal Madness that is Download unlike any other festival allows you to arrive Wednesday at midday, the first band starts on Friday and you leave on Monday a very smelly exhausted post festival maniac. Life is different when you are at Download, you exist in a bubble where there are no chavs, there are no complete twats and there are no clean toilets. In this world the camaraderie counts for a lot, random strangers suddenly become part of your extended family. Shouting Timmeh, results in a Mexican shout where you can hear the "Timmeh" travel through a crowd. If you are lucky enough to have a car and visit nearby supermarkets, you see fellow festival goers and there is an unspoken bond there.

It’s how humanity should be, good music, good people and way too much alcohol involved. So how was my weekend? Now we have a frame of reference, I have to say it’s the best festival I've ever been to for a number of reasons. Firstly, of course the bands what an incredible line-up of amazing bands most people will never hear. Secondly the people, I had a lot of good friends at the festival... and last but by no means least the scantily clad girls on stilts. WOW... Even if they walked like they've just shat themselves they were still hot damnit.

Living in a tent for 5 nights in intense sunlight can get smelly and frustrating, so on the Thursday me + 3 friends hit Alton Towers to warm up for the weekend. If you have the cash I recommend it. It’s the perfect warm up... To getting drunk. My Hangover after Thursday nights Jagermeister and Stella destruction was black. I wanted to be knocked out to see out the hangover. Breathing felt bad. So needless to say Friday morning I was tenderer than an Emo writing a poem surrounded by angry Metal Heads. When you are stuck in a tent needing to pee, but physically cannot move, it’s cruel and unusual it could be a new form of torture that could be inflicted to terrorists.

To the bands. The line-up is available at www.downloadfestival.co.uk

/lineup

Ill Nino were my first band of 2007 and I forgot just how loud music is at festivals. They of course played all their hits (some of which you will recognise if you ever saw the resident evil movie). It’s the type of music they play in the background of films during those "whoa cool" moments. You can't help but enjoy it. Despite the lead singer calling us all smelly bastards every 30 seconds I had fun. Its good heavy shit, and this is THE way to hear it.

Next Megadeth. Now we're on to the serious business. Its 2pm and very early in the line-up and the main stage is arena is nearly full. Whoever said Metal is dead is sadly mistaken. Megadeth have a 20 year + strong track record of great songs and great shows. Dave Mustane's all stars do not disappoint, despite his “cousin it” like appearance he delivers an excellent show that probably won Megadeth more fans than they already had. Here is a band that has sold over 20 million records, and is never on the radio. Shocking.

Dragonforce are a marmite band. You either adore them or can't stand them. Personally I think they're the best cheesy thing to ever happen to music. You've probably seen a bunch of "Mosher" kids running around in Dragonforce t-shirts without realising this band has only been around for a few years. They play very fast guitars, with crazy drums but easy lyrics that sound like a Lord of the Rings sonnet of sorts. Hills, Warriors, Lightening and Storms in Burning fields feature heavily. Despite the cheese, this band has a wonderful charm, and is excellent live. If you don't have at least one Dragonforce track already, I suggest checking their MySpace. You may hate them, or you may end up subjecting strangers on the bus to their sound… not that I have…

Before the night ended I checked out Suicidal Tendencies. This incredible gem that I had never heard of before impressed me. They look like Korn, Sound like Metallica and dance like your dad. I am getting their album.

That’s where Friday ended for me. According to Kerrang I should have gone to see Paramore and Enter Shakiri, then My Chemical Pants. Or according to Metal Hammer it should have been Wolfmother, Velvet Revolver and then Korn. I can live without Emo, I mean sure it makes for good listening on the MP3 player, but live it just sounds so horrible... and I want to hurt the little Emo kiddies... If you're Emo and you know it slit your wrists. The others I’ve seen before and a festival is much about the experience and people as it is the bands. Something which download delivers with

I am told however My Chemical got bottled into next week. Which is pleasing. Most pleasing. No I WON'T wear a silly black parade jacket, I preferred the last album, and Emo's already have Reading/Leeds what are they doing at a Metal festival?!! Instead I got very very drunk once more.

Saturdays hangover wasn't too bad. A Yellow. Still, I wanted to see violence as a cathartic penance for my suffering. Walking to the car is pure evil. Its a distance no Man should ever have to walk. Yet to fetch beer we must. We got back to the arena in time to check out Bloodsimple. WOW, what a performance. I've had their album a little while. They're a slightly heavier 36 crazyfists. They jump on stage and wake you up with power riffs and stomping choruses. You can't help but be in awe of the sound they make. I'll be getting their new album.

Then it was time to have a few cold beers in the village and a little shopping (Download has an excellent set of shops, they thought of everything, there is a good day worth of shops you'd struggle to find in any major city).

What follows is one of the greatest possible Metal Music line-ups. Granted not everyone will like the bands here, but as an experience I know no person, regardless of previous music preferences who did not enjoy everything that follows. Except Annie Mac who was physically pleased yesterday when someone chose a silly Radio 1 friendly song over a Metal track. FUCK YOU agenda based radio.

Machine Head... Sorry. Machine FUCKIN Head. You expect them to be amazing, you know they're amazing, and they STILL blow you away consistently. This band should have a much bigger place in Rock History. Their sound is unique, powerful and truly expressive. "Old" resonates through the crowd from the circle pits to the tens of thousands singing along behind. "Imperium" with its long intro and powerful drums and riff destroy and shred every atom between the speakers and our ears. This is music that moves and motivates like no other. It has power, realism, and effect. It hits your ears like a sledgehammer on a wall and demands that you adore it. Worth the admission fee alone.

At this point I could have gone to see Biffy Clyro...

Yeah right. SLAYER are playing. Biffy can kiss my ass, I don't WANT to see or hear them.

Slayer. The name alone carries with it a lot of misconceptions and a lot of prowess. Slayer don't try to be Metal, they just are. Yes they're brutal, yes they use satanic lyrics and yes their pits will leave you in pain. They do however put on one amazing show, and are likeable by just about anyone. Reign in blood broods through the speakers, before carnage ensues in the circle pits. I took a good kicking to the ribs and gave a few. Circle pits are however 100% optional, if you want to watch the show, simply don't run in. Their beat is almost tribal and causes you to move. They access a primal part of your brain and instead of singing "doo da doo doo da loop, du da doo da doo la loop" and moving your arms like a prat you find yourself completely engrossed by this sound, this pulsing beat and the band enjoying every second of a legendary career and following.

Marilyn Manson. The third band in a 4 band run of incredible names. I was actually disappointed. The legendary showman neither shocked nor awed. He played a lot of his newer Radio 1 friendly shit and merely rolled out Disposable Teens, Dope Show, Beautiful People and Fight Song. The latter was quite impressive and looked like the MM of old, but I expected more from such a wonderful performer with a rich history of good albums.

Linkin Park. Headliners, now Radio 1 approved because they started writing radio singles. They came out to One Step Closer and the 120k audience went bananas. For nearly every song except some of the newer ones, the majority of the crowd knew every word. Here is a modern band that will last. Korn are now way down the line-up and selling very little, Limp Bizkit are all but gone, and here Linkin Park are, years after Nu Metal still kicking ass. In The End didn't even need Chester’s superb vocals. Linkin Park are without doubt one of the most accomplished bands musically out there. Their encore of Faint felt much like the music video. Chester screaming down the Mic inches from my face. By the end I had no voice, or energy, and crawled into my tent after some wrestling matches with the boys. Scott won in the final with a jujitsu chokehold on Nick. GG.

Sunday rolls around and I’m smelly. In fact smelly doesn’t cut it. The baby wipes are failing and my hair is forced to live under a hat. I’m sick of burgers and the take away stalls, 4days of festival life is getting exhausting. The only thing that could POSSIBLY keep me going is an incredible line-up.

Oh looky Chiamira are playing! JESUS this band kick ass. Im a huge fan. They make a wall of sound, take the moaning out of the Deftones then speed it up and voila. The pits are BRUTAL, the songs delight the crowd and again draw more than MCR did headlining. Chances are if you're a Kasabian fan you're going to want to check out Marilyn Manson, Linkin Park, and Dragonforce before you progress to Chimaira, but still. If you want to experience Metal in all its glory, you are hard pushed to find a more accomplished band.

Over to the other stage for DevilDriver. This band have a rob zombie esque coolness to their sound. It’s distinctly heavy but at the same time it’s got the movie soundtrack clarity that makes it accessible. Still the lyrical style will scare far too many off this band. Which is unfortunate because they're enjoyable. They also had the BIGGEST pit I've ever seen. It was like a human whirlpool. It reminded me of the stampede scene from The Lion King. It’s the kind of thing that you don't forget in a hurry.

I hit the main stage for Lamb of God, who only make sense when you can hear their lyrics. They're very powerful and have a much cleaner crisper sound than most metal. The beats and guitar chords are sharp and fast. The girl at the Beer tent saw me singing and was asking me a few song titles claiming: "I normally don't like this stuff, but this weekend, I don’t know it just sounds different". Proof purple people, live music is just better.

Honourable mentions go to Stone Sour and Killswitch Engage both bands I’ve seen before and recommend, but I was far too busy getting drunk. I am not an Iron Maiden fan, so Sunday night was about avoiding rioters and having fun. 120 Thousand people descended on a field near an airport in Derbyshire. Five days later they leave tired, dirty and exhilarated. The Download Festival is truly the World’s Greatest.

A message sent to the big screen sums it up better than I could: “Download rocks, the people are chilled and the bands amazing and my dad has a lemon fetish”.

Better than Christmas

2007-06-05T21:37:00.000+01:00

The following contains naughty words... because I'm a G like that.

Fuck work, Fuck moving apartment, Fuck changing addresses, Fuck plans, Fuck fucking doing anything but swearing, getting BLIND drunk and jumping around in a sweaty heap to the loudest Metal bands on the planet. The Download festival is here. *crescendo* *bow* *orgasm* kthx.

When all that stress seems to happen at once, when your car half explodes, when a credit card you use to pay for your internet geekery expires, when moving apartment, having a social life and a full time job is too much to balance without getting so pissed off you could squash hamsters for bubblewrap... THATS when you know you need a festival. Five days of dastardly dirty devious delicious debauchery. Indeed! Drinking dancing duelling bantering all the things that make a festival such a catharsis, such a relief.

It’s like the first piss in the morning after a REALLY big night out and the hangover. It’s like staying in bed just that bit longer than you have to. It’s an excuse to wear hats and not make an effort for nearly a week. Its heaven and it comes but once a year.

I don't need to mention the amazing line-up. I can leave out references to sheer Metal Madness. I hardly touch upon the glory of being free from society, in the campsite of most wonder... this world within worlds because to be there is to know the greatest weekend of all. Glastonbury has its legendary status, Leeds has bigger crowds, V festival is more acceptable... but Download is the daddy. Donnington is where it started with Monsters of Rock. It is the life and soul of festival being. It has the coolest people, a unique vibe and my favourite bands.

To all those who cannot make it, live your life in shame.

To all those who can, see you at the nearby asda for the Half Price Stella ;)

And you thought YOU hated PCs?

2007-05-14T18:36:00.000+01:00

The better you are with PC's the more frustrating the problems are. You'd think when you can strip a PC down, build one from scratch and know how every component works PC's would be your bitch, and never mistifying or obstreperous in any way.

Wrong. Fail. Lose.

I woke up after about 5 hours of sleep this afternoon, quite content to have a lazy day in with my newly arrived freeview box, XBox 360, downloaded tv shows and new HDTV. Except my PC wouldn't turn on, the freeview didn't work and the Xbox 360 wouldnt connect to a network. Shit, poo, excrement!

So I hunker down to the wires and wonder that is the back of my PC and begin fiddling, turn on? Nope, nothing. Fiddle some more, remove a few cables. AHA! It boots! But no network. Ok turn off, OOH LOOK, Freeview works. Turn PC off. Freeview died. WHAT THE SMEG. I can only watch freeview when I turn my PC off. I NEVER TURN MY PC off. Its curing cancer, and, more importantly downloading episodes of heroes!

I get angry, throw things, and placate myself with an hour of friends. This amuses me lightly. Jenifer Aniston is hot. Mild sense of achievement.

It annoys me that the machine is trying to beat me. Why won't my router resolve a DNS? How come I can't watch heroes on my LCD? And why the hell do I have the window open and the fan blowing when its cold and rainy? I decide to take a urination (... yes its a verb now, I created it, thats what I do, start things), and crack on with beating this damn issue. Wait a second, MAYBE what caused the crash is the very stretched HDMI cable falling out of the video card and dislodging it from the AGP slot. Its enough to cause an interupt at least. More rear PC porn ensues and I find I can now watch heroes on my LCD. Episode 21 in GLORIOUS HD. Turns out Sylar... well, you'll see.

Still its NAGGING away at me that the damn machine won't connect. Who does it think it is. Its not BETTER than me, it cant win, they never do. I always win... eventually. My father feeds me keish (which I can't spell, and hate, but it saved actually cooking or buying food). I perform surgery on my machine, fiddling in the control panel for at least an hour and in doing so breaking a few things. Its time to get extreme. I uninstall my anti-virus software which has been acting like a pissy little bitch latley. I spend an hour online and it decides it needs 75% of my PC's ram. Who said software doesn't have feelings.

It goes the way of the dodo, but no nothing. Right, its the damned router, it has to be. Those things are created by Satan to infuriate us mortal souls who wish to have more than one PC in their lives. Some would call us "open" PC relationship types. I call us progressive. I unplug the bastard son of Tim Berners Lee and glare at in menacingly while the machine reboots with a trusty old DSL modem... this will wor...

You've GOT to be shitting me! How can old modem not work? He never fails me. He, he... he LIKES me! In that place between lost and hopeless and at the corner of fuck-it-all; I decide to go buy comfort food. I see a little boy racer get out of a tiny car with a swagger, I winked and got into my car, he looked to the floor. Minor Victory number two.

I have a pack of Rockys, a pack of wine gums, two 500ml bottles of coke zero, a copy of BMW Car and 4 lottery scratch cards. I comfort bought. Didn't win anything on the scratch cards. I just wanted SOMETHING to cheer about. I watch mind numbing BBC Parliment. I realise I'm weird.

Ok last ditch effort, can I hack my work laptop around the firewall, so I can access google and MSN to fix this damn thing on my PC? Turns out yes, yes I can, but it takes 2 hours to fix all the problems with my laptop I didn't know I had. But no, I'm NEARLY there, I have MSN working on something it should be impossible to do. I am greater than any God, I am a GOODLE! Fuck you Bill Gates. Fuck YOU! Ok google:

"Key Ports error", "MSN"

There are 8 possible solutions. I go through them all one by one, eaching taking roughly 10 mins. Each time I boot my PC my freeview drops out. I throw a pack of new socks out of the window in anger. I go to retrive them and stubb my toe in the process. Who's grandmothers grave did I piss on? Seriously...

I have MSN working on my laptop, but I want FACEBOOK, so bad. I need it. I have... reasons... I NEED COMMUNICATION.

Then it hits me. Uninstall an obscure peice of software my PC isn't using. I know. It sounds strange, a longshot even. But I KNEW it would work. I felt like columbus embarking from spain. Something GOOD would come of this action. I reboot. I leave the room and have a long winding poo. I return, and MSN is signed in. Outlook boots, facebook loads.

My life is complete. 9 hours and 37 minutes after intitally wanting to just "check the regular sites". I win. Victory.

Never ever think yourself unfortunate for struggling to use excel EVER. I will headbutt you. Whoever you are. Except Scott who has a REALLY hard head. Ill just sacktap that goon.

Buddah r thmart

2007-04-20T18:30:00.000+01:00

"Do not believe in anything simply because you have heard it. Do not believe in traditions because they have been handed down for many generations. Do not believe anything because it is spoken and rumored by many. Do not believe in anything because it is written in your religious or other books. Do not believe in anything merely on the authority of your teachers and elders. But after observation and analysis, when you find that anything agrees with reason and is conducive to the good and the benefit of one and all, then accept it and live up to it."

I wholly subscribe to this idea.

What a weekend!

2006-09-25T21:59:00.000+01:00

It included

1 Thursday night with my man Ryan hitting up Leeds.
1 Friday night hanging in my favorite bar in the world
1 Saturday Pajama party with 150 students
A pub crawl through headingly
Meeting a whole wad of new people and having more fun than should be legal
Being lead by a Unicorn on a stick to a bar that was a boat on land
Meeting a whole lot of old friends, new friends and potential new clients
Being offered an interview for a job worth 43k a year + car
Hanging with my best friends throughout
A viewing of a night at the roxbury
Having my necklace fixed while in a club by a girl named rose

Wow.

Tranquility

2006-09-15T19:36:00.001+01:00

There is a place within us, so majestic, so beautiful and tranquil that our whole daily lives become irrelevant.

We are capeable of feeling existence soley within ourselves, the experience is so powerful our body becomes irrelevant, our mind's thoughts disapear. We experience pure beauty. For some this is a beach with waves crashing, for others it is stars or galaxies, or a temple in China. Maybe for you it is all of the above, but this place exists within you. This is your Majestic Self. Revel in this light, the tranqulility and beauty of who you really are

You are not your bank account
You are not your height
You are not your ability with women

You are the single most amazing thing the universe has ever seen.
You are capeable of moving mountains with desire alone.
You are free, you are alive, you are happy.

You will achieve the object of your desires in life because you will find that within you is the most amazing and wonderful potential. You will find that within you exists the key to understanding. Within you, who you are, right now in this very moment is everything you could ever wish for.

You are on the journey, the journey is the destination, it is how we act today that makes our tomorrow. Take those 15 mins, be inspired, live.

Middle East Misconceptions

2006-09-13T09:12:00.000+01:00

There is a difference and a split in the Middle East and one that the USA is aware of and exploiting in Iraq but not across the region. The wahabbi's (mostly linked to Saudi and in more extreme cases AQ) are of the opinion that anything the West does is bad, and should be wiped off the planet (they of course include Israel in this). The only reason the Saudi's don't get louder about it is because the house of Saud needs the USA to avoid being overthrown. Other regimes in the ME, like Syria and Iran are actually much more west facing in their culture and ideals. They too dislike the wahabbi's and generally have nothing against the west. Their major beef is with Israel, and even that is politically motivated to win support in the region.

The Shiite Syria/Iran bloc need to appear hostile to the west to win minds in the ME away from AQ. Now their (Syria/Iran) behaviour lately has been frankly terrible, but in the current state of affairs military force is not an option and rightly so. The old defensive forces of the cold war cannot deal with the complexities of the modern world. Our great mistake with Hamas was in not negotiating with them, if we had simply laid down the condition of "accept and work with Israel and we'll talk to you", we could have saved a lot of problems, and the same goes for Hezbollah. There may have been fighting between the two sides, but both can have a common enemy if we sort out their beefs with Israel. This is the situation we need to get to, winning these states round will take some concessions on our part, but I think we will be surprised by how cooperative they are. Their current behaviour is reactionary not proactive.

It requires us to swallow pride and talk to those who we have de-humanised as terrorists, but it worked in Northern Ireland and The Balklands. Often its the only way to solve Ethnic and nation state issues. Give people a stake in the future and incentivize them to work towards that future. Then we can concentrate on wiping out AQ who are the only real thread we here in the West have.

Iraq needed to happen, Saddam needed to go, and hopefully if we learn anything from the cultural divide in the region... its that we can have common ground and work with some seemingly hostile factions if we incentivize them to do so. We can all take lessons from this. Often our must emotionally and strongly charged beliefs are leading us astray.

On Happiness

2006-09-07T13:35:00.001+01:00

I have been lambested in the past for saying the most wonderful thing you can do for the people you know, is to learn to love yourself.

It seems counter intuative on the simple level, but when you stop and realise that all negativity, all hurt or bad things you may ever cause come from inner dis-harmony it makes a lot of sense. Angry people, are sad people who do not know or love themselves. They may blame external factors, but this simply adds to the issue.

At your very core is silent happiness, and a sense of being alive.
At your very core is the mat-ernal happiness.
At your very core is a connection to life that is pure white light

Meditation, silence, all forms of spirituality, whilst greeted with cynicism by the mind, are often the greatest ointment for our ils. When we go into ourselves we gain true perspective, we loose all worry, worry is a prison imposed by the minds social barriers. Happiness is within all of us, when we were children we were happy, we lived in the now, if something mad us sad, as soon as we forgot about it we defaulted to happy.

Finding this in yourself will strengthen all relationships you have, it will allow you to accept and love yourself for all your mistakes. All your fears will leave and you will find it easier to trust and love others, if you are not hiding anything.

Thoughts

2006-08-31T11:11:00.000+01:00

The very word 'Christianity' is a misunderstanding — in truth, there was only one Christian, and he died on the cross - Friedrich Nietzsche

Ok so that's a little harsh on the Christians, but I've used it to make a point. We often hold ourselves to standards that may not entirely fit who we are.

Honesty is the key to freedom and happiness. The two are mutually linked and inseparable. Trying only to please people shows a mistrust in yourself. Who you are should please them, any actions you take should be natural and honest. Any grooming for social status only serves to make us look weaker. We all make mistakes, we are all human, yet we have been left the impression by past generations that pleasing others will reflect well upon ourselves. We have been lead to believe that servitude is a positive. This is absurd. There are three area's we must consistently work on to ensure our social ability does not hinder our lives. Love for our self Love for others. Responsibility. All THREE are essential. Many people have the last two, and are deeply unhappy without realising until its too late.