Passion of the Sy: Music

Everyone likes music. Wait, I''l rephrase, everyone likes certain sounds that follow a mathematically interesting pattern. The difference between the two is passion. Passion and enjoyment are often mistaken for each other. Time for a little defintion.

Enjoyment is a lighthearted cheeky wank of a word. Often without the mess, unless it involves Ice Cream. Interestingly though the way most people appear to enjoy music is on a similar level to the way we all like Ice Cream. Enjoyment is an indulgence we either opt for, or happen upon and consume. As a species we are consumers of enjoyment. Enjoyment however is a fickle short term emotion, lasting roughly 3 minutes on average (Studies from Arcade machines, Pop Song producers and commercial advertisers show as much).

To really be involved in life we need Passion. Passion is the difference between existing and living.

Passion has a tendency to be all consuming. Passion is hard to reign in. Passion can be too much to take, and therin lies its beauty and magnificence. Many of the best things in life are those we have to work for. A wank is fun, but hours of sensuality requires passion.

Now we're back at music, and the difference between hearing and listening. Hearing is a passive activity, which draws us in with an interesting sound. When we hear something we are compelled to move to it. A loud song, in an exciteable environment is intoxicating in the same way a drug is. We then associate positive times with that song, and will buy the product.

Listening is a much more private affair. Listening requires effort on the part of the person, and requires them to question their own tastes REGULARLY. To listen you have to invest your time in each part of the noise. The words, the beat, the melody, the instruments. Then completley forget that you dissected it and enjoy the whole. Then how the lyrics link with the melody, then the emotional impact and lastly if you LEARNED anything from the song. Did it teach you something, did it articulate something for you? Did it help you understand and enjoy life more?

All these things are the hallmarks of truly amazing music, and music that can truly amaze you with just a little bit of effort. If you have never googled song lyrics, chances are you are missing one of life's little treats. Are you one of those people who never knows the words to songs (beyond the catchy chorus)? Maybe its time to give music another chance.

To me the very thought is heresy (herr-essy - it means something really bad :p). When you have lived with this passion in your life (or any passion) how could you not devote more of your life to doing so?

Life & The people in it

Food for thought in a world starving itself of cognitive excercise. We have the intellectual capacity to learn and analyse and we don't. Pissing in the wind is futile and makes you smelly. Yet en massè we persist.

Silence is golden, but a wall of silence is a pure golden shower of regret. Breaking silence and honestly communicating DESIRES, HOPES and the way FORWARD are never bad. The more two sides of a debate dont communicate, the more paranoia makes them hate each other. Ever noticed that? That when someone falls out with someone else... The actual reason gets left behind and all these extra things get thrown into the pot and given a good stir. "Oh well, yeah, but Im pretty sure you were up to something too, and dont act like you werent!"... Type statements are bullshit.

There is pretty much no situation where thinking you know, is an adequate substitute for KNOWING. Acting on what you *think* you know is intrinsically STUPID. The lesson for all us mortals venturing down this fragile road is that sometimes perspective beats agenda. If you think someone hates you, they don't; usually... Unless you are from westlife.

Simplicity is a beautiful thing. Mundane has such negative connotations, but did you ever hear of someone who enjoyed a "complex" relationship? Simplicity comes from honesty, and that honesty needs to turn inwards occasionally.

Vile over the top rant. Read in context. You are warned.

The following is an excercise in ranting. It is unreasoble and biased. React.

Children in Need angers me. Not so much that they're a charity, or even a televised marthon of people failing to entertain me. Its the false excitement that everyone puts on for the whole thing.

It's like Hen nights, or office fancy dress parties. Its those without a sense of humour attempting to be zany and energetic. It brings out creatures who really should stay inside, continue watching daytime TV and over eating. "OOO look at me, Im so zany and crazy". People who SAY that shit, are doing so to compensate for a lack of personality. Personality isn't difficult. Observe a musing plucked from thin air.

"Why when you go to a club do you call it clubbing? It suggests violence and fails to deliver. Have you ever seen a club with the lights off? They're such a let down. Like some women without makeup. Lesson for the day. True value lasts, regardless of the light levels".

See? EASY. Interesting, mildly funny, and MOST importantly ORIGINAL.

Why the fuck are TV cast members trying to sing songs from the 60s about getting high? How is that going to make me donate? They keep pointing out that people don't donate while they are being entertained. I'm being bored to fucking tears, and I keep watching out of morbid curiosity. How low can this thing go. Then they throw on some reformed boyband that lacks talent, or the latest X factor wannabe. OUCH

Don't get me started on the constant cheering. TV shows clap at EVERYTHING. Have you ever tried to clap along with a tv show? Try it. It will make you want to stab seals. All this stuff is the norm, all this stuff we accept because we're used to it. Like the laughter track on comedy shows.

Middle aged, middle of the road, mildly zany, mild entertainment causes such rage in me. Dressing up makes them look FAT, struggling to say "I spent all day in custard" makes them look stupid AND FAT. Being ugly and fat on TV after sitting in custard all day makes their life pointless. Die.

There are proven ways to make money. Chances are you make more outside ASDA with a bucket than you ever will sitting in beans (Unless you have rich friends and good guilt strings). People do the sitting in beans, and then BRAG about it. "I sat in beans! Will you give me money?". Did I miss the memo, or does that make no sense whatsoever? You sat in beans, haha, you dumbass.

Hen nights should fuck off.

Why is there always ONE hot girl, and the rest ugly? Why do they use this occasion to be really "outrageous" and pinch my ass, or ask me why I have long hair. Their lives are insignificant to me. I will never see them again. They're ugly, agressivley medicore and have probably never voted. I dont want to interact with these people.

Noodles are shit. Whats the fucking point? They taste like cardboard.

Spot the NLP

When women are holding out sex they think they are saying "I am powerful, you want me despite me not having sex with you". What they're actually saying is "The only power I have, is the biology I was born with". Not realising what a huge turn off that is.

There are two stereotypes that must first be addressed. Firstly. Yes there are a lot of guys out there who are just after sex, and will manipulate to do so. Being burned by this a girl quickly learns that if she holds out those guys that SHE DOESNT WANT, stay interested in her. She is now successfully failing and getting what she wants. Secondly. Yes there are a lot of girls who sleep around to make themselves feel better about being unable to make a connection with someone. They replace the emotional black hole with a sexual rainbow. Like any drug however, the endorphines released during sex only last so long...

Now with those two out of the way, we are left with sensible, rational people who see the trappings most fall into. Either we have the physical and not the mental, or we try have the mental but it isn't sealed with the physical. Without a bridge you can't cross a river, so to get what we want we have to balance both on some levels.

I want YOU to take on board this message. Its time to stop fearing life and start LIVING it.

I am not judging those who have sex for sport. More power to them, so long as they're doing it with the right frame of mind. Nor do I judge those who hold out. I am however convinced both types of people are doing so based on false beleif and flat out WRONG logic.

Just as you cannot have yin without yang, up without down, wrong without right. You cannot realistically head into any "romantic" relationship without the harmony produced when the physical and mental combine. Fear causes us to not commit, or over commit and worry a lot. It is this fear that then leads to the dimise of relationships. The fear then grows stronger. The only thing that comes from fear is MORE FEAR. Our task is to take a risk.

Like a handshake, or a dance, or any ritual one leads the other follows. Without equal hope and equal intention the handshake doesn't happen, the dance is out of time and the ritual is broken. Imagine if we were scared to handshake someone, put our hand out but then retracted it out of fear. Not once, but consistently. The other person would pretty soon (understandably) be pissed off.

This metaphor works for both the physical and mental aspects of relationships. Men often enter and are driven by their hormones to persue the physical relationship. They attempt to do this by offering some level of emotional connection. They are however using this as a device to get the physical, which they *think* is their goal.

Women often are driven by their hormones to persue the emotional relationship. They attempt to do this by offering some level of physical connection. They are however using this as a device to get the emotional. Which they *think* is their goal. This is what they mean when they say men are from Mars, women; Venus.

What a stupid saying. We both live on earth, and we should be in harmony. Deep down we all want both. As a species its time to be honest about desires. We have a habit of dancing around the truth. Why not express the truth and then dance in joy? Seems much more fun!

Attraction, Flirtation, Euphoria, Doubt and Truth are the five elements we progress through. Most of us go through the first 4, for the duration of a relationship because we never realise the truth, we never share our truth and so we can never live it. Boy likes girl, girl likes boy can they PLEASE make that clear to each other? There is nothing to lose but that which was never to be anyway. Which is a good thing to lose!

I want YOU to take on board this message. Its time to stop fearing life and start LIVING it.

The thrill of communicating has been lost. That heart pumping, world shaking mixture of anxiety and hope that reminds you you're alive, is an essential part of living. Our generation seems to afraid to live. We live in a world scarred by divorce and the cautionary tales of those who lived with fear but never learned from it. Every person, project or idea is an investment. Its up to your instincts, experience and intelligence to decide if that investment is worth your time and will pay off. If every fibre in you says yes and ONLY FEAR is saying no... Destroy fear.

Only those who dare to fail will ever succeed. You cannot win a race in bubblewrap. Persistence and hope in combinations are rare virtues of the successful. Yet many have walked that path, and here we sit, afraid to take the steps others have taken before us. The successful blazed a trail, by never failing to succeed. If we only took the chance. If we only took the risk. If we only considered what scares us.

Why all these ifs? Why are we stuck in Wet Sand we imagined into existence? Why do we find justification in consistently failing? Why do I keep writing with rhetorical questions?

Because I want YOU to take on board this message. Its time to stop fearing life and start LIVING it.

False beliefs & How they affect YOO

Wouldn't it be cool if there were goggles you could put on that made everything just work?

Kinda like those X-Ray lenses from 50s comics, except not for being a perv.

As a specs wearer I'd like to share a little known fact. Maybe is just me being retarded but I think its a species thing. After wearing specs for a long enough time period you completley forget they are there. They improve your vision, they make life better in a lot of ways... and at first can be a little annoying to get used to.

Anyone who can see where I'm going with this already wins 10 cool points.

Walking around on a daily basis, most of humanity is short sighted. They are focussed on todays problems. Does this sound familiar? All the little things going wrong?

STOP right now, thank you very much (I need somebody with a spice girl touch...)...

STOPPING that common mistake will set you apart from everyone else. All it takes is a little perspective and reframing.

There is also an added advantage to you stopping that behaviour. Everyone else who is still short sighted can borrow your specs. They will thank you so much! You have allowed them to see the worlds true beauty. Its called perspective, and its incredibly valueable.

People are enticed by a person with perspective. We all need a strong voice to tell us everything is going to be ok. One that can tell us why as well?! Wow. Well they are heroes that give 60s Batman a run for his money.

Now lets break this down into male and female:

Male false beliefs

-Men are naturally competing on some level.
-Men are petrified of rejection
-Men tie their value to social standing
-Men fear being exposed and will not share their fears.

There is so much wrong with the above. We value one aspect of ourselves above "most guys". Looks, status, intelligence. Something. Men are suprisingly helpful and useful in a brootherhood. Brotherhood is the least tapped resource, and the most successful. The community is a good start, however men working together is a key to success. Unlock it to achieve.

Rejection is merley a missed opporunity. Things that don't happen are of no relevance. Only things that happen and have real world impact are of any REAL use to us. These are the things we MUST focus on. Focussing on the negative doesn't ACHIEVE anything and is a WASTE of time. Why would you want to WASTE time? What a strange concept.

Men tying their value to social proof has a lot to do with the "pecking order" concept. A false construct. We each have a unique talent where it is ideal for us to lead. There are also times when it is benificial for is to follow a stronger leader. We GAIN from that. Being the man who can choose when he wants to lead and doesn't let his ego stop him from following is POWERFUL, and wins RESPECT very quickly. Try it.

Fear of exposure can only exist if you are putting on a front. In effect you can only fear revealing something about yourself if you are pretending to be something you are not. HOW CRAZY IS THAT? Whats more... exposing who you are and depricating WINS friends and RESPECT. People can relate to it and want to be with someone who has the CONFIDENCE to expose that.

Female false beliefs

-Women compete physically
-Women fear judgement by other women
-Women fear being exposed as "fake" and will not share fears easily, especially with guys
-Women fear taking social risks

Competing with other peoples looks is like running to beat an olympic athlete rather than to get fit. It's the wrong way to go about things. You will end up exhausted and not achieve anything. You don't want to make silly decisions. Make the right decision for YOU. What suits YOU. The key is indentity and sexuality.

Women can be mean to other women, mainly due to fearing judgement themselves. Social standards dictate that a woman cannot be strong. Social standards dictate that a woman can't make her own decisions. Social standards inprison women. Yet they are inforced mostly BY WOMEN WHO FEAR JUDGEMENT! This is such a strange concept. SCREW social standards. Women are just as free as men and should NEVER be judged for decisions they take. We as men should support them 100% in this.

Fear of exposure can only exist if you are putting on a front. In effect you can only fear revealing something about yourself if you are pretending to be something you are not. HOW CRAZY IS THAT? Whats more... exposing who you are and depricating WINS friends and RESPECT. People can relate to it and want to be with someone who has the CONFIDENCE to expose that. (Yes this needed repeating)

Risk = Achievement. Its a simple formula. Yet women will shy away from it. So will men. We live in our comfortable world restrained by an Ego and Fear which does not allow us to be WHO WE ARE. It does not allow us to EXPRESS OURSELVES. It is not TRUE. It is not REAL. It is fear. Yet we won't say hi to that girl or guy we like. We won't express our feelings. This HAS TO STOP.

Express yourself to everyone. Put on those perspective spectacles.

Send me ten dollah.

Risk vs Reward. A battle! Woo

How many people do you know that fall into one of these catagories?

Wreckless Risk takers: So drawn into the moment and incapeable of perspective they will take silly risks and be far too compulsive for their own good.

Total bores: The kind that never ever change anything in their lives. Even if it doesn't suit them. They continue as they are because they fear change, even if they know it will make their lives a LOT better.

Obvious enough. My interesting idea of the day is that most of us are both to some degree, and usually depending on what area of life it applies to. For example there are those of us who are more compulsive with their social life, but quiet at work. There are those of us who excel at work, jumping from job to job and climbing the ladder. There are those that travel but never change their home life.

The last catagory interests me because its probably the largest. People who love travelling are embracing escapism because there is something (or usually a bunch of things and people) they don't like about their life. A man far wiser than I once said, if you find yourself embracing escapism all the time, and your life has no direction; its time to embrace escape and get the fuck out! Leave that old job, town or looser behind. Instead of settling for the least worse acceptable daily routine, create the BEST possible by discovering what where and who you like the most!

The sad thing is often we don't value ourselves enough to know when we deserve better. Most people will hit middle age and old age regretting not taking a few more risks in their personal lives, and taking too many with their finances. There has to be a lesson here.

What are the risks of being honest about what you want? And what are the rewards? Most people desire to be loved much more than money, yet they chase money and avoid risk taking with their heart. Only those who dare to fail will ever succeed. Half the fun in life is failing and getting back up. It makes you a better person. What do you want? Go get it.

A question heir.

1) Some random girl comes up to you and says "Hey what's your name?" you say?
Rumpledforeskin.

2) What's the last thing you put in your mouth?
I really want to say "your mom" but it was a galaxy bar.

3) What does your last text message say?
"Your not alone, walk with me in hell".

4) What was the last song you listened to?
Nirvana - Something in the Way

5) If you hated someone and got put in charge of their funeral music, what would it be?
The Fast Food Rockers or worse... Kasabian/Artic Monkeys or any of that dreary shit. YUCK

6) Where is your best friend right now?
Asleep in the house of 1000 smells.

7) What did you do yesterday?
The gym, and lots of internet chatting with Kirstables.

8) Pick a scar on your body - what did you do?
Lower abdomen. I had a testicle removed.

10) How old is your mum?
45 going on 5.

11) Last time you were dumped?
April 2004. I think it was the 24th... I used to know the date. I was a saddo. Now appologise to the tree.

12) Who's your most religious friend?
Internets.

13) Who do you trust with your life?
Any of the Wolfpac. They know who they are.

14) If you could change your name to anything what would it be?
Bucky, Captain Bucky O'Haire!

15) What would you say if someone told you that you were the most beautiful person in the world and they would do anything to wake up to your face each and every morning?
Punch them for being way too into me. Or respond in kind, depends who said it really. April from the Turtles or Ariel from the little mermaid or legit hotties whom I... [Stop talking... Just... Stop]

16) How often do you curse?
Not as often since I lost my wand and couldren.

17) Do you trust all of your friends?
Its a pre-requisite of someone being my friend. Fail me and DIE.

18) Would you move to another state or country to be with the one you love?
I like moving and living in awesome places. The reasons I move have to be practical more than personal.

19) Do you believe that everything happens for a reason?
No, everything happens. How you react is what counts.

20) Name the things you would NOT tolerate in a relationship?
Dishonesty and Jelousy. Those are the only two things ever I do not tolerate.

21) Which one of your top friends do you think would make the best prostitute?
Scott. Hot rhymes with his name.

22) Are you afraid of falling in love?
Bah, fear is False Evidence Appearing Real. Its a useless emotion.

23) Is there someone that popped in your mind after that question?
Not directly, love isn't a switch you can turn on or off. But latley I've been thinking about Ariel from the little mermaid A LOT. Anyone who can handle my sense of humour AND my turrets... Yeah they win. They win lots... I'm thirsty. (ooooooo hint)

24) Would you stop talking to your friends because you hooked up with a new person?
How silly. No.

25) What features do you find most attractive in the opposite/same sex?
A girl who can make ME laugh regularly, whom I know I can trust to be completley honest with me, and never hide an emotion away; and who is stunningly attractive. I have high standards, but I hold myself to them.

26) Fill in the blank. I love_____:
Ariel from the little mermaid, Nandos, Life, Humourous Hobbits

37) Did anyone see you kiss the last person you kissed?
Ummm... probably not without binoculars. (They're 2inches tall)

38) Do you still talk to the last person you kissed
Yeah. Its super rare I fall out with someone, unless we are in a tree or something. Then its gravitys fault.

39) Have you ever punched a tree?
They are suprisingly evil.

40) Have you ever snuck out of your house?
Why? I live in my own apartment. That would be silly

41) Never sleep or never eat?
Sleep and eat lots.

42) Morning or night person?
Night crawler.

43) Are you there for your friends?
As much as possible. Being helpful is one of my priorities.

44) Do you like to spend time with people?
So long as I get some alone time every now and then, Im pretty much always with peeps

45) Drunk dialer or texter?
I dont really get drunk very often. I am a random texter though. A demon no less.

46) Are you a forgiving person?
When I have to be

47) Would you ever share a girl/boyfriend with your best friend?
It depends on the situation, but I have nothing against it. It depends on the people.

48) Have you lost a friend recently?
Nope

49) Are you talking to someone while doing this/?
Yeah. Lewis, we're discussing that tragic football score.

50) Do you want a relationship right now?
Maybe. Easy come.

The A1, Horror Films & Lauren

The A1 is officially the worst road ever, since crappy roads were invented, it takes the No-bell Crappy award for the most impossible road to drive on ever. I don't mind leaving a house party half way through to rescue a cyclopse, but I do mind shitty roads. The A1 has a habit of throwing roundabouts at you in the middle of nowhere, then requiring you to turn, in a cone wonderland without regard for the fact you were doing 70mph on a dual carriageway. The only thing I can liken it to is being dipped in tar and then asked to navigate a maze on rocket skates. Its downright confusing, dark and evil.

Speaking of dark and evil: Lauren.

No wait. Speaking of dark and evil I got a new tshirt this weekend at the Devildriver / God Forbid gig. God forbid blew my little titties off as I moshed, so I purcahsed the tshirt with the wonderfully antisocial "Metal as Fuck" slogan. I look forward to wearing it in a club that has a very strict door policy. Anyhoo, enough of that tangent, back to our story.

The joy of the A1 ride was Ryan and Sarah kindly joined me. Whilst me and Ryan set the world right with our stunningly accurate observations of humanity and culture, Sarah kept it real like only she can. Offering directions, and when we needed it most; hope. Allow me to elaborate. Roughly 20 miles into the journey we noted how horror movie like our plight was. Our dialogue for this film was witty and had recurring themes and jokes. Then we got lost.

Then Ryan couldn't pee (Pee anxiety struck in a laybay on the A1 somewhere between doncaster and a tree). It was dark, old school dark. The kind of dark where you can't hear anything but your car indicator ticking from inside the car and your hands look like impliments off doom. An indicator casts an eerie blinking shadow on a windy hill when you are as exposed as to have your hands and your man part and happen to be pissing.

This would all be fine if we weren't lost, and very frustrated at being lost. It wasn't Cyclopses fault, he had done his upmost to inform us where to be. The guy that gave us directions to Tuxford told us it was "just past doncaster". Tuxford is just past doncaster in the same way North Korea is just past Hull.

After two hours of travelling up and down the A1 and loosing all hope for existence we see a sign for Tuxford... and go sailing past it. Possibly the most bittersweet moment in the existence of humanity. On the A1. Finding Tuxford wasn't hard after that, but finding the address was obscene. We found 82, 84 and 86... but was Number 81 there? Noooo? What do you do in a situation like that? Call the RAC? Join the circus? No! Bellow out of the window at the top of your lungs: "Bbbuyauhaaaaaaaah!"... In the hope said Cyclopse will hear you. Well you do if your name is Ryan

Being past the point of frustration was a given by now. The closed motorway exit on the way home enforcing a 10 mile detour couln't hold me back. I was heading to a party where everyone was drunk to find the one sober guy and play video games. I succeeded. I retire to pastures old. I am a hero in my own bedtime. So then a weird woman knocks at the door of mine and Diego's apartment and claims to have been kicked out of another apartment and need a taxi to Hebbden Bridge. Surreal just doesn't cut it.

She reminded me of something Ryan said the week earlier whilst we were lost in Birmingham. Birmingham is the only city with URGH and MING in the name. This is for good reason to warn off travellers. I now know this.

*Guitar interlute, ejaculation and goodnight*

Until next time. I have been ranting, and this will never be read all the way through. Ahh tedious inevetibility, I salute you.

Hospitals & A Special Cat

Damn NHS.

I got an infection during surgery so now I have to spend 3 days in hospital on antibiotics to clear it. I was only just walking again too!

Bastards

See you all soon

Oh and feel free to call/drop by I will be bored.

Special mention to Cat my lil superstar, take care in london you :)

Thoughts Facing Cancer

This may be the most important thing I ever write. Please read it. You will get to know me a LOT better by reading all this. A lot of stuff I've never revealed.

Figured I'd record a few thoughts while I'm sitting here. Who knows they could be useful one day. Mortality is interesting. How will you react when you face it? You think you know, you're quite confident, but actually facing it is quite different. Or in my case suprisingly indifferent.

I am actually happy I could die tomorrow, warts and all, knowing I'd be both missed and fondly remembered. Is this not true immortality, and why we are here? Sure with another 60 years that would only grow. It does partially annoy me that I have many thoughts and ideas which I haven't yet had time to express, and that I get caught up in the mundane so easily.

Understanding the world around me, has let me know the world. With less enigma's there is less confusion. Clarity is essential. Piano's are clear, music is clear, the sky and a breeze are always clear. Find those whenever confused, they give perspective like nobody else can. We already know all our answers, because they come from within, not outside of us.

Learn about politics, understand how your world works. Learn about people, learn about business, learn about animals. The human brain when functioning anywhere near correctly, never looses the ability to learn. What a gift that is. Use your mind to explore your emotions, Use your emotions to explore life. Being alive, at our best guess, is a fluke. Why not ENJOY that? Depression is not a state of mind, its a stain on the mind. Clear it with clarity, bourne of self discovery.

Look at what we as a species have invented completley off our own backs and get to enjoy. Nectar points, little chefs, nail clippers; ANYTHING. Our lives are shockingly awesome. The human condition seems to be convinced we have to be guilty for being who we are, or sad about something we must fix. This is different from contentment and happiness, which in turn is different from ambition. Happiness fuels ambition, and ambition fuels happiness.

Make light of dark, we figured out fire a long time ago, but we have a fire inside us to change ANYTHING. We as a species or even individuals are incredibles. Our attitute to life can change other lives. This is the greatest pleasure and indulgence I have EVER experienced. I run a website dedicated to helping people, and while my goal may be pretty big; to cure hurt wherever I see it, I think its achievable if we all adapt an attitude to do so.

What inspires you? Do you even know? What makes you who you are? Whats different about you? What do YOU have to offer the world? You will suprise yourself. I've always felt different. Like I was destined to change the world almost... but then maybe we all are. Ask yourself honestly, do you think you have untapped potential? Its true of nearly EVERYONE. Why is that?

Steps to inspiring yourself and others

Connecting with a persons emotions and desires is far easier than you think. Your hunches are usually correct, and when they aren't and you make a mistake, you are merley improving your instincts. Sharpening them.

Read people's emotions behind their words. Chances are they struggle to connect with their own emotions. Through your exploration, you are used to doing so. It pains me to see two people miscommunicating good emotions and arguing with each other! So much... There are very very VERY few bad people in the world, just confused, sad and hurt people. My mum once said "Sad people hurt others". Its true. Fix the sadness, fix the anger. All anger is sadness struggling to get out.

People can be freaked out and will get defensive when facing their own emotions. They have learned for years to hide any weakness with agressive behaviour and will throw that front at you. Patience is a gift. Use it. It helps people. Speak to their emotions, not back to their words.

They may throw an agressive accusation at you, beginning an argument. Resist the urge to argue. A strong person never argues and does not accept bullshit. You try to respond to them, and if they refuse to meet you half way after a few attempts cut off communication until they are. Respond with things like "I don't think you mean that, I mean have you thought about the fact your words might hurt someone? People need you're help and you're good at XY and Z."

We are the light in the tunnel, we are living and dying, see how we are thrown in the world. We are the light in the tunnel for us all. Realise I am alive. We are the ones who make a difference to EACH OTHER. We have all the power we will ever need to change our own and each others lives. The world is not leading us, we lead it.

Make people believe this. Share it with them. Allow a person to realise how important THEY are to you and everyone else, and they will not WANT to be mean. Bad emotions get in the way of good ones. The way to aoid hurt is to give respect until it is lost, and allow it to be earned by others and earn it yourself. Outside that, nothing exists. Expect nothing, accept anything if you understand the motives. Work with people not against them.

But ultimatley if they are too unreasonable to help, don't.

Learn about the world

Why will learning about mundane shit help at all? Shh Mr Cynic. Being informed is being in form as a human being. Being informed is being human. You are more likley to be able to help others and yourself if you understand something, than if you don't. It sounds shockingly simple, but now think about the idea of understanding how your country or the stock markets work, or politics? Most people have settled for somebody elses answer. Have you REALLY explored all possibilities and considered the world around you? Have you properlly thought about it?

Your world is your canvas to enjoy living, and help others do so. This is my meaning of life. Marketing is genius, market your abilties, market positive experience to others, market marketing.

Random Biographical Details

So how many of you fuckers actually know me huh? The pretty handsom akward sexy shy LUNATIC that is me? As a kid I was a fat bugger. I hate photos of me from about 7 to 17, in fact the 90s was a nasty decade for me. Save the rave is the worst possible thing that could be a fashion! I don't want anything to do with the 90s.

I spent the late 90s in high school, bit of a geek. My claim to fame was I knew all the specs and how video games consoles worked. Really. Fortunatley I was quite likeable and never really got bullied. Except for a bunch in the face from Brendon Duffy in year 7. I didn't mind, he punches like a pussy, it didn't even bruise. What a first class nob that guy is.

I spent all of highschool fancying Becky Cawthra. MAN, she WAS jennifer aniston, who I also had a thing for. Same crazy personality, stunning but just a little bit crazy and silly. Towards the end of high school we got on as friends, and I actually learned a lot from her. Saw her like two years ago and it was fun reminicing. I am a very different person now. Honesty with my feelings is just not an issue. It would be so cool to be me NOW going through high school. I'd RUN that place.

I adore Frank Sinatra and Dean Martin. Legends. I love classic styling and suits. But I can't resist the whole beachy thing and I wanna live in miami. The variety in life is incredible. Movies are pure entertainment, as are video gamers, but the best way to clear your head besides meditation is the gym or physical activity. No matter what your problems are, they're never as bad after the gym. Perspective comes from getting out of your logical mouse traps.

My mum is single handedly the greatest mother in the world. Everyone says that. Everyone says that everyone says that. Everyone likes to mention it about their mother. But I actually mean it. Others have agreed. So I know Im not bonkers. My mum is a best friend, superstar, incredibly helpful and a bundle of happy. She has given me the perfect start to life, and my life exists to thank her for the start she gave me.

My Bro scott is a legit legend. The hardest panda bear known to man :p and a gay. A big metal head gay lol. Ry and Amo both smell lightly of scented oils and love you longtime, try desperatley to get in their pants. Seriously.

Ok that concludes part 1. You cant sum up a life of thoughts in just one rant. Checkback for more.

A Muse meant.

This was originally posted on my website, but some might find it interesting.

Money, clothes, books... These things will all help round your character, but alone will do nothing. There is a difference between knowing and understanding. I'd wager it is that gap which holds so many back. Learn to understand what you ALREADY know and have known for longer than you probably thought and the rest falls into place.

A teacher at school once told me that "You may not progress as fast as everyone else in PE, but so long as you put in the effort you will get good grades". This was when I was in year 8, over weight and ~ 5'7. At the time I didn't think much to it, and accepted it, I was smart enough to realise I wasn't quite the same as others around me and didn't feel like I could change that fact. The year passes and I go through a growth spurt, loosing a lot of weight in the process. The teachers are full of praise, but I hadn't put much effort in. I couldn't understand why my expecations had been dampened so much, I felt like the whole thing was wrong. The situation highlighted to me something very strange. They were trying to avoid hurting my feelings instead of pushing me. What if I hadn't been lucky enough to have that growth spurt?

Now I'm older and in the position where I regularly push others out of their comfort zones and I begin to understand why. When you push someone, their negative wiring tells them to accept that they cannot progress. Yet the duality of this acceptance of negativity and a butt load of HOPE means they will invest time, money and anything else but true effort.

We all progress at very different speeds and are at different stages. My initial story is to demonstrate how the same situation is viewed differently based on your achievement level. As individuals we react based on our belief about ourself, and our belief about life and the world in general. This in turn effects how we will react to being taught and teaching any given skill.

When I was younger and had just started working in IT, I worked in a software group mostly full of professional software developers who were used to dealing with PCs and windows and could figure out very simple sentences like "Just hit start>run>msconfig and untick anything the company has installed over the network". I learned a lot when I had to write a user guide on the same topic for a larger audience. I was stunned by just ho methodical you have to be. Including a screenshot and description for everything in full prose, no short hand allowed. It took me literally weeks of trying and failing before I completed what should have been a simple task, because I could not see PCs any other way than how I had grown up with them.

This has paralells within life. Those at earlier progression levels come with their own beleif set, and those further progressed have an alternate beleif set. In the middle however, there is a breakdown of communication.

If we take the user guide scenario as an example.

The users of the guide were frustrated by the lack of clarity, and the aloofness with which the informaiton was presented. Why couldn't it just be clear?

The writer of the guide was frustrated by the users lack of understanding. How could they not get the simplest of tasks?

I believe this demonstrates the gap between those progressed in their social skills and those still progressing. The classic example is the natural who says "Just talk to her, Jesus!". I have begun to understand this frustration over the last year, because the irony of the tactics and analysis, is that its all to find simplicity. Its learning to let go. Its not doing, its being. Yet I refuse to let go of the memories of frustration in other aspects, and the students POV. What I write this in aid of; is the hope that prospective students of life will realize that communicating something understood on a level beyond the cerebral is difficult for instructors and that WE need YOUR help too.

Newness Apartmentous!

I am now a resident of Leeds, in the lovley Clarence Dock development by the amouries and surrounded by soon to be completed shops and leisure facilities.

Having my own place is awesome, not only do I get a good sized bedroom with en suite, I get the coolest living area and kitchen ever. Oh and did I mention A FREAKIN BALCONY? Not just any balcony, a full on summer party, plenty of alcohol, BBQ friendly Balcony overlooking the Canal.

I'm on top of the world, come join me up here. It rocks.

Im finding out I am very good at cleaning up after myself and that anyone who needs teaching how to use a household appliance wants shooting. This place is so very me. Bye bye HaliSHITE and good riddence.

The only downsides I can find are that... umm...

Wait downsides? Nope. Not seeing them. I mean the bills are nothing to sniff at but really, Im over the moon with this place. I expect to see many of you here before long.

From yesterday it Calls

Thursday night I got so drunk playing a cards/drinking game I was slapping random strangers on the chest and shouting WHOOOOO! Ric Flair style. To the amusement of my friends... I'm talking of course about The Download festival.

At this point superlatives are inconsequential, the last six days of my life are beyond the mere adjectives of the English Language. For those of you that have visited festivals before, you may have an idea, for those of you who haven't; you missed the greatest show on earth and smell like my pile of washing.

The Metal Madness that is Download unlike any other festival allows you to arrive Wednesday at midday, the first band starts on Friday and you leave on Monday a very smelly exhausted post festival maniac. Life is different when you are at Download, you exist in a bubble where there are no chavs, there are no complete twats and there are no clean toilets. In this world the camaraderie counts for a lot, random strangers suddenly become part of your extended family. Shouting Timmeh, results in a Mexican shout where you can hear the "Timmeh" travel through a crowd. If you are lucky enough to have a car and visit nearby supermarkets, you see fellow festival goers and there is an unspoken bond there.

It’s how humanity should be, good music, good people and way too much alcohol involved. So how was my weekend? Now we have a frame of reference, I have to say it’s the best festival I've ever been to for a number of reasons. Firstly, of course the bands what an incredible line-up of amazing bands most people will never hear. Secondly the people, I had a lot of good friends at the festival... and last but by no means least the scantily clad girls on stilts. WOW... Even if they walked like they've just shat themselves they were still hot damnit.

Living in a tent for 5 nights in intense sunlight can get smelly and frustrating, so on the Thursday me + 3 friends hit Alton Towers to warm up for the weekend. If you have the cash I recommend it. It’s the perfect warm up... To getting drunk. My Hangover after Thursday nights Jagermeister and Stella destruction was black. I wanted to be knocked out to see out the hangover. Breathing felt bad. So needless to say Friday morning I was tenderer than an Emo writing a poem surrounded by angry Metal Heads. When you are stuck in a tent needing to pee, but physically cannot move, it’s cruel and unusual it could be a new form of torture that could be inflicted to terrorists.

To the bands. The line-up is available at www.downloadfestival.co.uk

/lineup

Ill Nino were my first band of 2007 and I forgot just how loud music is at festivals. They of course played all their hits (some of which you will recognise if you ever saw the resident evil movie). It’s the type of music they play in the background of films during those "whoa cool" moments. You can't help but enjoy it. Despite the lead singer calling us all smelly bastards every 30 seconds I had fun. Its good heavy shit, and this is THE way to hear it.

Next Megadeth. Now we're on to the serious business. Its 2pm and very early in the line-up and the main stage is arena is nearly full. Whoever said Metal is dead is sadly mistaken. Megadeth have a 20 year + strong track record of great songs and great shows. Dave Mustane's all stars do not disappoint, despite his “cousin it” like appearance he delivers an excellent show that probably won Megadeth more fans than they already had. Here is a band that has sold over 20 million records, and is never on the radio. Shocking.

Dragonforce are a marmite band. You either adore them or can't stand them. Personally I think they're the best cheesy thing to ever happen to music. You've probably seen a bunch of "Mosher" kids running around in Dragonforce t-shirts without realising this band has only been around for a few years. They play very fast guitars, with crazy drums but easy lyrics that sound like a Lord of the Rings sonnet of sorts. Hills, Warriors, Lightening and Storms in Burning fields feature heavily. Despite the cheese, this band has a wonderful charm, and is excellent live. If you don't have at least one Dragonforce track already, I suggest checking their MySpace. You may hate them, or you may end up subjecting strangers on the bus to their sound… not that I have…

Before the night ended I checked out Suicidal Tendencies. This incredible gem that I had never heard of before impressed me. They look like Korn, Sound like Metallica and dance like your dad. I am getting their album.

That’s where Friday ended for me. According to Kerrang I should have gone to see Paramore and Enter Shakiri, then My Chemical Pants. Or according to Metal Hammer it should have been Wolfmother, Velvet Revolver and then Korn. I can live without Emo, I mean sure it makes for good listening on the MP3 player, but live it just sounds so horrible... and I want to hurt the little Emo kiddies... If you're Emo and you know it slit your wrists. The others I’ve seen before and a festival is much about the experience and people as it is the bands. Something which download delivers with

I am told however My Chemical got bottled into next week. Which is pleasing. Most pleasing. No I WON'T wear a silly black parade jacket, I preferred the last album, and Emo's already have Reading/Leeds what are they doing at a Metal festival?!! Instead I got very very drunk once more.

Saturdays hangover wasn't too bad. A Yellow. Still, I wanted to see violence as a cathartic penance for my suffering. Walking to the car is pure evil. Its a distance no Man should ever have to walk. Yet to fetch beer we must. We got back to the arena in time to check out Bloodsimple. WOW, what a performance. I've had their album a little while. They're a slightly heavier 36 crazyfists. They jump on stage and wake you up with power riffs and stomping choruses. You can't help but be in awe of the sound they make. I'll be getting their new album.

Then it was time to have a few cold beers in the village and a little shopping (Download has an excellent set of shops, they thought of everything, there is a good day worth of shops you'd struggle to find in any major city).

What follows is one of the greatest possible Metal Music line-ups. Granted not everyone will like the bands here, but as an experience I know no person, regardless of previous music preferences who did not enjoy everything that follows. Except Annie Mac who was physically pleased yesterday when someone chose a silly Radio 1 friendly song over a Metal track. FUCK YOU agenda based radio.

Machine Head... Sorry. Machine FUCKIN Head. You expect them to be amazing, you know they're amazing, and they STILL blow you away consistently. This band should have a much bigger place in Rock History. Their sound is unique, powerful and truly expressive. "Old" resonates through the crowd from the circle pits to the tens of thousands singing along behind. "Imperium" with its long intro and powerful drums and riff destroy and shred every atom between the speakers and our ears. This is music that moves and motivates like no other. It has power, realism, and effect. It hits your ears like a sledgehammer on a wall and demands that you adore it. Worth the admission fee alone.

At this point I could have gone to see Biffy Clyro...

Yeah right. SLAYER are playing. Biffy can kiss my ass, I don't WANT to see or hear them.

Slayer. The name alone carries with it a lot of misconceptions and a lot of prowess. Slayer don't try to be Metal, they just are. Yes they're brutal, yes they use satanic lyrics and yes their pits will leave you in pain. They do however put on one amazing show, and are likeable by just about anyone. Reign in blood broods through the speakers, before carnage ensues in the circle pits. I took a good kicking to the ribs and gave a few. Circle pits are however 100% optional, if you want to watch the show, simply don't run in. Their beat is almost tribal and causes you to move. They access a primal part of your brain and instead of singing "doo da doo doo da loop, du da doo da doo la loop" and moving your arms like a prat you find yourself completely engrossed by this sound, this pulsing beat and the band enjoying every second of a legendary career and following.

Marilyn Manson. The third band in a 4 band run of incredible names. I was actually disappointed. The legendary showman neither shocked nor awed. He played a lot of his newer Radio 1 friendly shit and merely rolled out Disposable Teens, Dope Show, Beautiful People and Fight Song. The latter was quite impressive and looked like the MM of old, but I expected more from such a wonderful performer with a rich history of good albums.

Linkin Park. Headliners, now Radio 1 approved because they started writing radio singles. They came out to One Step Closer and the 120k audience went bananas. For nearly every song except some of the newer ones, the majority of the crowd knew every word. Here is a modern band that will last. Korn are now way down the line-up and selling very little, Limp Bizkit are all but gone, and here Linkin Park are, years after Nu Metal still kicking ass. In The End didn't even need Chester’s superb vocals. Linkin Park are without doubt one of the most accomplished bands musically out there. Their encore of Faint felt much like the music video. Chester screaming down the Mic inches from my face. By the end I had no voice, or energy, and crawled into my tent after some wrestling matches with the boys. Scott won in the final with a jujitsu chokehold on Nick. GG.

Sunday rolls around and I’m smelly. In fact smelly doesn’t cut it. The baby wipes are failing and my hair is forced to live under a hat. I’m sick of burgers and the take away stalls, 4days of festival life is getting exhausting. The only thing that could POSSIBLY keep me going is an incredible line-up.

Oh looky Chiamira are playing! JESUS this band kick ass. Im a huge fan. They make a wall of sound, take the moaning out of the Deftones then speed it up and voila. The pits are BRUTAL, the songs delight the crowd and again draw more than MCR did headlining. Chances are if you're a Kasabian fan you're going to want to check out Marilyn Manson, Linkin Park, and Dragonforce before you progress to Chimaira, but still. If you want to experience Metal in all its glory, you are hard pushed to find a more accomplished band.

Over to the other stage for DevilDriver. This band have a rob zombie esque coolness to their sound. It’s distinctly heavy but at the same time it’s got the movie soundtrack clarity that makes it accessible. Still the lyrical style will scare far too many off this band. Which is unfortunate because they're enjoyable. They also had the BIGGEST pit I've ever seen. It was like a human whirlpool. It reminded me of the stampede scene from The Lion King. It’s the kind of thing that you don't forget in a hurry.

I hit the main stage for Lamb of God, who only make sense when you can hear their lyrics. They're very powerful and have a much cleaner crisper sound than most metal. The beats and guitar chords are sharp and fast. The girl at the Beer tent saw me singing and was asking me a few song titles claiming: "I normally don't like this stuff, but this weekend, I don’t know it just sounds different". Proof purple people, live music is just better.

Honourable mentions go to Stone Sour and Killswitch Engage both bands I’ve seen before and recommend, but I was far too busy getting drunk. I am not an Iron Maiden fan, so Sunday night was about avoiding rioters and having fun. 120 Thousand people descended on a field near an airport in Derbyshire. Five days later they leave tired, dirty and exhilarated. The Download Festival is truly the World’s Greatest.

A message sent to the big screen sums it up better than I could: “Download rocks, the people are chilled and the bands amazing and my dad has a lemon fetish”.

Better than Christmas

The following contains naughty words... because I'm a G like that.

Fuck work, Fuck moving apartment, Fuck changing addresses, Fuck plans, Fuck fucking doing anything but swearing, getting BLIND drunk and jumping around in a sweaty heap to the loudest Metal bands on the planet. The Download festival is here. *crescendo* *bow* *orgasm* kthx.

When all that stress seems to happen at once, when your car half explodes, when a credit card you use to pay for your internet geekery expires, when moving apartment, having a social life and a full time job is too much to balance without getting so pissed off you could squash hamsters for bubblewrap... THATS when you know you need a festival. Five days of dastardly dirty devious delicious debauchery. Indeed! Drinking dancing duelling bantering all the things that make a festival such a catharsis, such a relief.

It’s like the first piss in the morning after a REALLY big night out and the hangover. It’s like staying in bed just that bit longer than you have to. It’s an excuse to wear hats and not make an effort for nearly a week. Its heaven and it comes but once a year.

I don't need to mention the amazing line-up. I can leave out references to sheer Metal Madness. I hardly touch upon the glory of being free from society, in the campsite of most wonder... this world within worlds because to be there is to know the greatest weekend of all. Glastonbury has its legendary status, Leeds has bigger crowds, V festival is more acceptable... but Download is the daddy. Donnington is where it started with Monsters of Rock. It is the life and soul of festival being. It has the coolest people, a unique vibe and my favourite bands.

To all those who cannot make it, live your life in shame.

To all those who can, see you at the nearby asda for the Half Price Stella ;)

And you thought YOU hated PCs?

The better you are with PC's the more frustrating the problems are. You'd think when you can strip a PC down, build one from scratch and know how every component works PC's would be your bitch, and never mistifying or obstreperous in any way.

Wrong. Fail. Lose.

I woke up after about 5 hours of sleep this afternoon, quite content to have a lazy day in with my newly arrived freeview box, XBox 360, downloaded tv shows and new HDTV. Except my PC wouldn't turn on, the freeview didn't work and the Xbox 360 wouldnt connect to a network. Shit, poo, excrement!

So I hunker down to the wires and wonder that is the back of my PC and begin fiddling, turn on? Nope, nothing. Fiddle some more, remove a few cables. AHA! It boots! But no network. Ok turn off, OOH LOOK, Freeview works. Turn PC off. Freeview died. WHAT THE SMEG. I can only watch freeview when I turn my PC off. I NEVER TURN MY PC off. Its curing cancer, and, more importantly downloading episodes of heroes!

I get angry, throw things, and placate myself with an hour of friends. This amuses me lightly. Jenifer Aniston is hot. Mild sense of achievement.

It annoys me that the machine is trying to beat me. Why won't my router resolve a DNS? How come I can't watch heroes on my LCD? And why the hell do I have the window open and the fan blowing when its cold and rainy? I decide to take a urination (... yes its a verb now, I created it, thats what I do, start things), and crack on with beating this damn issue. Wait a second, MAYBE what caused the crash is the very stretched HDMI cable falling out of the video card and dislodging it from the AGP slot. Its enough to cause an interupt at least. More rear PC porn ensues and I find I can now watch heroes on my LCD. Episode 21 in GLORIOUS HD. Turns out Sylar... well, you'll see.

Still its NAGGING away at me that the damn machine won't connect. Who does it think it is. Its not BETTER than me, it cant win, they never do. I always win... eventually. My father feeds me keish (which I can't spell, and hate, but it saved actually cooking or buying food). I perform surgery on my machine, fiddling in the control panel for at least an hour and in doing so breaking a few things. Its time to get extreme. I uninstall my anti-virus software which has been acting like a pissy little bitch latley. I spend an hour online and it decides it needs 75% of my PC's ram. Who said software doesn't have feelings.

It goes the way of the dodo, but no nothing. Right, its the damned router, it has to be. Those things are created by Satan to infuriate us mortal souls who wish to have more than one PC in their lives. Some would call us "open" PC relationship types. I call us progressive. I unplug the bastard son of Tim Berners Lee and glare at in menacingly while the machine reboots with a trusty old DSL modem... this will wor...

You've GOT to be shitting me! How can old modem not work? He never fails me. He, he... he LIKES me! In that place between lost and hopeless and at the corner of fuck-it-all; I decide to go buy comfort food. I see a little boy racer get out of a tiny car with a swagger, I winked and got into my car, he looked to the floor. Minor Victory number two.

I have a pack of Rockys, a pack of wine gums, two 500ml bottles of coke zero, a copy of BMW Car and 4 lottery scratch cards. I comfort bought. Didn't win anything on the scratch cards. I just wanted SOMETHING to cheer about. I watch mind numbing BBC Parliment. I realise I'm weird.

Ok last ditch effort, can I hack my work laptop around the firewall, so I can access google and MSN to fix this damn thing on my PC? Turns out yes, yes I can, but it takes 2 hours to fix all the problems with my laptop I didn't know I had. But no, I'm NEARLY there, I have MSN working on something it should be impossible to do. I am greater than any God, I am a GOODLE! Fuck you Bill Gates. Fuck YOU! Ok google:

"Key Ports error", "MSN"

There are 8 possible solutions. I go through them all one by one, eaching taking roughly 10 mins. Each time I boot my PC my freeview drops out. I throw a pack of new socks out of the window in anger. I go to retrive them and stubb my toe in the process. Who's grandmothers grave did I piss on? Seriously...

I have MSN working on my laptop, but I want FACEBOOK, so bad. I need it. I have... reasons... I NEED COMMUNICATION.

Then it hits me. Uninstall an obscure peice of software my PC isn't using. I know. It sounds strange, a longshot even. But I KNEW it would work. I felt like columbus embarking from spain. Something GOOD would come of this action. I reboot. I leave the room and have a long winding poo. I return, and MSN is signed in. Outlook boots, facebook loads.

My life is complete. 9 hours and 37 minutes after intitally wanting to just "check the regular sites". I win. Victory.

Never ever think yourself unfortunate for struggling to use excel EVER. I will headbutt you. Whoever you are. Except Scott who has a REALLY hard head. Ill just sacktap that goon.

Buddah r thmart

"Do not believe in anything simply because you have heard it. Do not believe in traditions because they have been handed down for many generations. Do not believe anything because it is spoken and rumored by many. Do not believe in anything because it is written in your religious or other books. Do not believe in anything merely on the authority of your teachers and elders. But after observation and analysis, when you find that anything agrees with reason and is conducive to the good and the benefit of one and all, then accept it and live up to it."

I wholly subscribe to this idea.