Thoughts Facing Cancer

This may be the most important thing I ever write. Please read it. You will get to know me a LOT better by reading all this. A lot of stuff I've never revealed.

Figured I'd record a few thoughts while I'm sitting here. Who knows they could be useful one day. Mortality is interesting. How will you react when you face it? You think you know, you're quite confident, but actually facing it is quite different. Or in my case suprisingly indifferent.

I am actually happy I could die tomorrow, warts and all, knowing I'd be both missed and fondly remembered. Is this not true immortality, and why we are here? Sure with another 60 years that would only grow. It does partially annoy me that I have many thoughts and ideas which I haven't yet had time to express, and that I get caught up in the mundane so easily.

Understanding the world around me, has let me know the world. With less enigma's there is less confusion. Clarity is essential. Piano's are clear, music is clear, the sky and a breeze are always clear. Find those whenever confused, they give perspective like nobody else can. We already know all our answers, because they come from within, not outside of us.

Learn about politics, understand how your world works. Learn about people, learn about business, learn about animals. The human brain when functioning anywhere near correctly, never looses the ability to learn. What a gift that is. Use your mind to explore your emotions, Use your emotions to explore life. Being alive, at our best guess, is a fluke. Why not ENJOY that? Depression is not a state of mind, its a stain on the mind. Clear it with clarity, bourne of self discovery.

Look at what we as a species have invented completley off our own backs and get to enjoy. Nectar points, little chefs, nail clippers; ANYTHING. Our lives are shockingly awesome. The human condition seems to be convinced we have to be guilty for being who we are, or sad about something we must fix. This is different from contentment and happiness, which in turn is different from ambition. Happiness fuels ambition, and ambition fuels happiness.

Make light of dark, we figured out fire a long time ago, but we have a fire inside us to change ANYTHING. We as a species or even individuals are incredibles. Our attitute to life can change other lives. This is the greatest pleasure and indulgence I have EVER experienced. I run a website dedicated to helping people, and while my goal may be pretty big; to cure hurt wherever I see it, I think its achievable if we all adapt an attitude to do so.

What inspires you? Do you even know? What makes you who you are? Whats different about you? What do YOU have to offer the world? You will suprise yourself. I've always felt different. Like I was destined to change the world almost... but then maybe we all are. Ask yourself honestly, do you think you have untapped potential? Its true of nearly EVERYONE. Why is that?

Steps to inspiring yourself and others

Connecting with a persons emotions and desires is far easier than you think. Your hunches are usually correct, and when they aren't and you make a mistake, you are merley improving your instincts. Sharpening them.

Read people's emotions behind their words. Chances are they struggle to connect with their own emotions. Through your exploration, you are used to doing so. It pains me to see two people miscommunicating good emotions and arguing with each other! So much... There are very very VERY few bad people in the world, just confused, sad and hurt people. My mum once said "Sad people hurt others". Its true. Fix the sadness, fix the anger. All anger is sadness struggling to get out.

People can be freaked out and will get defensive when facing their own emotions. They have learned for years to hide any weakness with agressive behaviour and will throw that front at you. Patience is a gift. Use it. It helps people. Speak to their emotions, not back to their words.

They may throw an agressive accusation at you, beginning an argument. Resist the urge to argue. A strong person never argues and does not accept bullshit. You try to respond to them, and if they refuse to meet you half way after a few attempts cut off communication until they are. Respond with things like "I don't think you mean that, I mean have you thought about the fact your words might hurt someone? People need you're help and you're good at XY and Z."

We are the light in the tunnel, we are living and dying, see how we are thrown in the world. We are the light in the tunnel for us all. Realise I am alive. We are the ones who make a difference to EACH OTHER. We have all the power we will ever need to change our own and each others lives. The world is not leading us, we lead it.

Make people believe this. Share it with them. Allow a person to realise how important THEY are to you and everyone else, and they will not WANT to be mean. Bad emotions get in the way of good ones. The way to aoid hurt is to give respect until it is lost, and allow it to be earned by others and earn it yourself. Outside that, nothing exists. Expect nothing, accept anything if you understand the motives. Work with people not against them.

But ultimatley if they are too unreasonable to help, don't.

Learn about the world

Why will learning about mundane shit help at all? Shh Mr Cynic. Being informed is being in form as a human being. Being informed is being human. You are more likley to be able to help others and yourself if you understand something, than if you don't. It sounds shockingly simple, but now think about the idea of understanding how your country or the stock markets work, or politics? Most people have settled for somebody elses answer. Have you REALLY explored all possibilities and considered the world around you? Have you properlly thought about it?

Your world is your canvas to enjoy living, and help others do so. This is my meaning of life. Marketing is genius, market your abilties, market positive experience to others, market marketing.

Random Biographical Details

So how many of you fuckers actually know me huh? The pretty handsom akward sexy shy LUNATIC that is me? As a kid I was a fat bugger. I hate photos of me from about 7 to 17, in fact the 90s was a nasty decade for me. Save the rave is the worst possible thing that could be a fashion! I don't want anything to do with the 90s.

I spent the late 90s in high school, bit of a geek. My claim to fame was I knew all the specs and how video games consoles worked. Really. Fortunatley I was quite likeable and never really got bullied. Except for a bunch in the face from Brendon Duffy in year 7. I didn't mind, he punches like a pussy, it didn't even bruise. What a first class nob that guy is.

I spent all of highschool fancying Becky Cawthra. MAN, she WAS jennifer aniston, who I also had a thing for. Same crazy personality, stunning but just a little bit crazy and silly. Towards the end of high school we got on as friends, and I actually learned a lot from her. Saw her like two years ago and it was fun reminicing. I am a very different person now. Honesty with my feelings is just not an issue. It would be so cool to be me NOW going through high school. I'd RUN that place.

I adore Frank Sinatra and Dean Martin. Legends. I love classic styling and suits. But I can't resist the whole beachy thing and I wanna live in miami. The variety in life is incredible. Movies are pure entertainment, as are video gamers, but the best way to clear your head besides meditation is the gym or physical activity. No matter what your problems are, they're never as bad after the gym. Perspective comes from getting out of your logical mouse traps.

My mum is single handedly the greatest mother in the world. Everyone says that. Everyone says that everyone says that. Everyone likes to mention it about their mother. But I actually mean it. Others have agreed. So I know Im not bonkers. My mum is a best friend, superstar, incredibly helpful and a bundle of happy. She has given me the perfect start to life, and my life exists to thank her for the start she gave me.

My Bro scott is a legit legend. The hardest panda bear known to man :p and a gay. A big metal head gay lol. Ry and Amo both smell lightly of scented oils and love you longtime, try desperatley to get in their pants. Seriously.

Ok that concludes part 1. You cant sum up a life of thoughts in just one rant. Checkback for more.

A Muse meant.

This was originally posted on my website, but some might find it interesting.

Money, clothes, books... These things will all help round your character, but alone will do nothing. There is a difference between knowing and understanding. I'd wager it is that gap which holds so many back. Learn to understand what you ALREADY know and have known for longer than you probably thought and the rest falls into place.

A teacher at school once told me that "You may not progress as fast as everyone else in PE, but so long as you put in the effort you will get good grades". This was when I was in year 8, over weight and ~ 5'7. At the time I didn't think much to it, and accepted it, I was smart enough to realise I wasn't quite the same as others around me and didn't feel like I could change that fact. The year passes and I go through a growth spurt, loosing a lot of weight in the process. The teachers are full of praise, but I hadn't put much effort in. I couldn't understand why my expecations had been dampened so much, I felt like the whole thing was wrong. The situation highlighted to me something very strange. They were trying to avoid hurting my feelings instead of pushing me. What if I hadn't been lucky enough to have that growth spurt?

Now I'm older and in the position where I regularly push others out of their comfort zones and I begin to understand why. When you push someone, their negative wiring tells them to accept that they cannot progress. Yet the duality of this acceptance of negativity and a butt load of HOPE means they will invest time, money and anything else but true effort.

We all progress at very different speeds and are at different stages. My initial story is to demonstrate how the same situation is viewed differently based on your achievement level. As individuals we react based on our belief about ourself, and our belief about life and the world in general. This in turn effects how we will react to being taught and teaching any given skill.

When I was younger and had just started working in IT, I worked in a software group mostly full of professional software developers who were used to dealing with PCs and windows and could figure out very simple sentences like "Just hit start>run>msconfig and untick anything the company has installed over the network". I learned a lot when I had to write a user guide on the same topic for a larger audience. I was stunned by just ho methodical you have to be. Including a screenshot and description for everything in full prose, no short hand allowed. It took me literally weeks of trying and failing before I completed what should have been a simple task, because I could not see PCs any other way than how I had grown up with them.

This has paralells within life. Those at earlier progression levels come with their own beleif set, and those further progressed have an alternate beleif set. In the middle however, there is a breakdown of communication.

If we take the user guide scenario as an example.

The users of the guide were frustrated by the lack of clarity, and the aloofness with which the informaiton was presented. Why couldn't it just be clear?

The writer of the guide was frustrated by the users lack of understanding. How could they not get the simplest of tasks?

I believe this demonstrates the gap between those progressed in their social skills and those still progressing. The classic example is the natural who says "Just talk to her, Jesus!". I have begun to understand this frustration over the last year, because the irony of the tactics and analysis, is that its all to find simplicity. Its learning to let go. Its not doing, its being. Yet I refuse to let go of the memories of frustration in other aspects, and the students POV. What I write this in aid of; is the hope that prospective students of life will realize that communicating something understood on a level beyond the cerebral is difficult for instructors and that WE need YOUR help too.

Newness Apartmentous!

I am now a resident of Leeds, in the lovley Clarence Dock development by the amouries and surrounded by soon to be completed shops and leisure facilities.

Having my own place is awesome, not only do I get a good sized bedroom with en suite, I get the coolest living area and kitchen ever. Oh and did I mention A FREAKIN BALCONY? Not just any balcony, a full on summer party, plenty of alcohol, BBQ friendly Balcony overlooking the Canal.

I'm on top of the world, come join me up here. It rocks.

Im finding out I am very good at cleaning up after myself and that anyone who needs teaching how to use a household appliance wants shooting. This place is so very me. Bye bye HaliSHITE and good riddence.

The only downsides I can find are that... umm...

Wait downsides? Nope. Not seeing them. I mean the bills are nothing to sniff at but really, Im over the moon with this place. I expect to see many of you here before long.

From yesterday it Calls

Thursday night I got so drunk playing a cards/drinking game I was slapping random strangers on the chest and shouting WHOOOOO! Ric Flair style. To the amusement of my friends... I'm talking of course about The Download festival.

At this point superlatives are inconsequential, the last six days of my life are beyond the mere adjectives of the English Language. For those of you that have visited festivals before, you may have an idea, for those of you who haven't; you missed the greatest show on earth and smell like my pile of washing.

The Metal Madness that is Download unlike any other festival allows you to arrive Wednesday at midday, the first band starts on Friday and you leave on Monday a very smelly exhausted post festival maniac. Life is different when you are at Download, you exist in a bubble where there are no chavs, there are no complete twats and there are no clean toilets. In this world the camaraderie counts for a lot, random strangers suddenly become part of your extended family. Shouting Timmeh, results in a Mexican shout where you can hear the "Timmeh" travel through a crowd. If you are lucky enough to have a car and visit nearby supermarkets, you see fellow festival goers and there is an unspoken bond there.

It’s how humanity should be, good music, good people and way too much alcohol involved. So how was my weekend? Now we have a frame of reference, I have to say it’s the best festival I've ever been to for a number of reasons. Firstly, of course the bands what an incredible line-up of amazing bands most people will never hear. Secondly the people, I had a lot of good friends at the festival... and last but by no means least the scantily clad girls on stilts. WOW... Even if they walked like they've just shat themselves they were still hot damnit.

Living in a tent for 5 nights in intense sunlight can get smelly and frustrating, so on the Thursday me + 3 friends hit Alton Towers to warm up for the weekend. If you have the cash I recommend it. It’s the perfect warm up... To getting drunk. My Hangover after Thursday nights Jagermeister and Stella destruction was black. I wanted to be knocked out to see out the hangover. Breathing felt bad. So needless to say Friday morning I was tenderer than an Emo writing a poem surrounded by angry Metal Heads. When you are stuck in a tent needing to pee, but physically cannot move, it’s cruel and unusual it could be a new form of torture that could be inflicted to terrorists.

To the bands. The line-up is available at www.downloadfestival.co.uk

/lineup

Ill Nino were my first band of 2007 and I forgot just how loud music is at festivals. They of course played all their hits (some of which you will recognise if you ever saw the resident evil movie). It’s the type of music they play in the background of films during those "whoa cool" moments. You can't help but enjoy it. Despite the lead singer calling us all smelly bastards every 30 seconds I had fun. Its good heavy shit, and this is THE way to hear it.

Next Megadeth. Now we're on to the serious business. Its 2pm and very early in the line-up and the main stage is arena is nearly full. Whoever said Metal is dead is sadly mistaken. Megadeth have a 20 year + strong track record of great songs and great shows. Dave Mustane's all stars do not disappoint, despite his “cousin it” like appearance he delivers an excellent show that probably won Megadeth more fans than they already had. Here is a band that has sold over 20 million records, and is never on the radio. Shocking.

Dragonforce are a marmite band. You either adore them or can't stand them. Personally I think they're the best cheesy thing to ever happen to music. You've probably seen a bunch of "Mosher" kids running around in Dragonforce t-shirts without realising this band has only been around for a few years. They play very fast guitars, with crazy drums but easy lyrics that sound like a Lord of the Rings sonnet of sorts. Hills, Warriors, Lightening and Storms in Burning fields feature heavily. Despite the cheese, this band has a wonderful charm, and is excellent live. If you don't have at least one Dragonforce track already, I suggest checking their MySpace. You may hate them, or you may end up subjecting strangers on the bus to their sound… not that I have…

Before the night ended I checked out Suicidal Tendencies. This incredible gem that I had never heard of before impressed me. They look like Korn, Sound like Metallica and dance like your dad. I am getting their album.

That’s where Friday ended for me. According to Kerrang I should have gone to see Paramore and Enter Shakiri, then My Chemical Pants. Or according to Metal Hammer it should have been Wolfmother, Velvet Revolver and then Korn. I can live without Emo, I mean sure it makes for good listening on the MP3 player, but live it just sounds so horrible... and I want to hurt the little Emo kiddies... If you're Emo and you know it slit your wrists. The others I’ve seen before and a festival is much about the experience and people as it is the bands. Something which download delivers with

I am told however My Chemical got bottled into next week. Which is pleasing. Most pleasing. No I WON'T wear a silly black parade jacket, I preferred the last album, and Emo's already have Reading/Leeds what are they doing at a Metal festival?!! Instead I got very very drunk once more.

Saturdays hangover wasn't too bad. A Yellow. Still, I wanted to see violence as a cathartic penance for my suffering. Walking to the car is pure evil. Its a distance no Man should ever have to walk. Yet to fetch beer we must. We got back to the arena in time to check out Bloodsimple. WOW, what a performance. I've had their album a little while. They're a slightly heavier 36 crazyfists. They jump on stage and wake you up with power riffs and stomping choruses. You can't help but be in awe of the sound they make. I'll be getting their new album.

Then it was time to have a few cold beers in the village and a little shopping (Download has an excellent set of shops, they thought of everything, there is a good day worth of shops you'd struggle to find in any major city).

What follows is one of the greatest possible Metal Music line-ups. Granted not everyone will like the bands here, but as an experience I know no person, regardless of previous music preferences who did not enjoy everything that follows. Except Annie Mac who was physically pleased yesterday when someone chose a silly Radio 1 friendly song over a Metal track. FUCK YOU agenda based radio.

Machine Head... Sorry. Machine FUCKIN Head. You expect them to be amazing, you know they're amazing, and they STILL blow you away consistently. This band should have a much bigger place in Rock History. Their sound is unique, powerful and truly expressive. "Old" resonates through the crowd from the circle pits to the tens of thousands singing along behind. "Imperium" with its long intro and powerful drums and riff destroy and shred every atom between the speakers and our ears. This is music that moves and motivates like no other. It has power, realism, and effect. It hits your ears like a sledgehammer on a wall and demands that you adore it. Worth the admission fee alone.

At this point I could have gone to see Biffy Clyro...

Yeah right. SLAYER are playing. Biffy can kiss my ass, I don't WANT to see or hear them.

Slayer. The name alone carries with it a lot of misconceptions and a lot of prowess. Slayer don't try to be Metal, they just are. Yes they're brutal, yes they use satanic lyrics and yes their pits will leave you in pain. They do however put on one amazing show, and are likeable by just about anyone. Reign in blood broods through the speakers, before carnage ensues in the circle pits. I took a good kicking to the ribs and gave a few. Circle pits are however 100% optional, if you want to watch the show, simply don't run in. Their beat is almost tribal and causes you to move. They access a primal part of your brain and instead of singing "doo da doo doo da loop, du da doo da doo la loop" and moving your arms like a prat you find yourself completely engrossed by this sound, this pulsing beat and the band enjoying every second of a legendary career and following.

Marilyn Manson. The third band in a 4 band run of incredible names. I was actually disappointed. The legendary showman neither shocked nor awed. He played a lot of his newer Radio 1 friendly shit and merely rolled out Disposable Teens, Dope Show, Beautiful People and Fight Song. The latter was quite impressive and looked like the MM of old, but I expected more from such a wonderful performer with a rich history of good albums.

Linkin Park. Headliners, now Radio 1 approved because they started writing radio singles. They came out to One Step Closer and the 120k audience went bananas. For nearly every song except some of the newer ones, the majority of the crowd knew every word. Here is a modern band that will last. Korn are now way down the line-up and selling very little, Limp Bizkit are all but gone, and here Linkin Park are, years after Nu Metal still kicking ass. In The End didn't even need Chester’s superb vocals. Linkin Park are without doubt one of the most accomplished bands musically out there. Their encore of Faint felt much like the music video. Chester screaming down the Mic inches from my face. By the end I had no voice, or energy, and crawled into my tent after some wrestling matches with the boys. Scott won in the final with a jujitsu chokehold on Nick. GG.

Sunday rolls around and I’m smelly. In fact smelly doesn’t cut it. The baby wipes are failing and my hair is forced to live under a hat. I’m sick of burgers and the take away stalls, 4days of festival life is getting exhausting. The only thing that could POSSIBLY keep me going is an incredible line-up.

Oh looky Chiamira are playing! JESUS this band kick ass. Im a huge fan. They make a wall of sound, take the moaning out of the Deftones then speed it up and voila. The pits are BRUTAL, the songs delight the crowd and again draw more than MCR did headlining. Chances are if you're a Kasabian fan you're going to want to check out Marilyn Manson, Linkin Park, and Dragonforce before you progress to Chimaira, but still. If you want to experience Metal in all its glory, you are hard pushed to find a more accomplished band.

Over to the other stage for DevilDriver. This band have a rob zombie esque coolness to their sound. It’s distinctly heavy but at the same time it’s got the movie soundtrack clarity that makes it accessible. Still the lyrical style will scare far too many off this band. Which is unfortunate because they're enjoyable. They also had the BIGGEST pit I've ever seen. It was like a human whirlpool. It reminded me of the stampede scene from The Lion King. It’s the kind of thing that you don't forget in a hurry.

I hit the main stage for Lamb of God, who only make sense when you can hear their lyrics. They're very powerful and have a much cleaner crisper sound than most metal. The beats and guitar chords are sharp and fast. The girl at the Beer tent saw me singing and was asking me a few song titles claiming: "I normally don't like this stuff, but this weekend, I don’t know it just sounds different". Proof purple people, live music is just better.

Honourable mentions go to Stone Sour and Killswitch Engage both bands I’ve seen before and recommend, but I was far too busy getting drunk. I am not an Iron Maiden fan, so Sunday night was about avoiding rioters and having fun. 120 Thousand people descended on a field near an airport in Derbyshire. Five days later they leave tired, dirty and exhilarated. The Download Festival is truly the World’s Greatest.

A message sent to the big screen sums it up better than I could: “Download rocks, the people are chilled and the bands amazing and my dad has a lemon fetish”.

Better than Christmas

The following contains naughty words... because I'm a G like that.

Fuck work, Fuck moving apartment, Fuck changing addresses, Fuck plans, Fuck fucking doing anything but swearing, getting BLIND drunk and jumping around in a sweaty heap to the loudest Metal bands on the planet. The Download festival is here. *crescendo* *bow* *orgasm* kthx.

When all that stress seems to happen at once, when your car half explodes, when a credit card you use to pay for your internet geekery expires, when moving apartment, having a social life and a full time job is too much to balance without getting so pissed off you could squash hamsters for bubblewrap... THATS when you know you need a festival. Five days of dastardly dirty devious delicious debauchery. Indeed! Drinking dancing duelling bantering all the things that make a festival such a catharsis, such a relief.

It’s like the first piss in the morning after a REALLY big night out and the hangover. It’s like staying in bed just that bit longer than you have to. It’s an excuse to wear hats and not make an effort for nearly a week. Its heaven and it comes but once a year.

I don't need to mention the amazing line-up. I can leave out references to sheer Metal Madness. I hardly touch upon the glory of being free from society, in the campsite of most wonder... this world within worlds because to be there is to know the greatest weekend of all. Glastonbury has its legendary status, Leeds has bigger crowds, V festival is more acceptable... but Download is the daddy. Donnington is where it started with Monsters of Rock. It is the life and soul of festival being. It has the coolest people, a unique vibe and my favourite bands.

To all those who cannot make it, live your life in shame.

To all those who can, see you at the nearby asda for the Half Price Stella ;)

And you thought YOU hated PCs?

The better you are with PC's the more frustrating the problems are. You'd think when you can strip a PC down, build one from scratch and know how every component works PC's would be your bitch, and never mistifying or obstreperous in any way.

Wrong. Fail. Lose.

I woke up after about 5 hours of sleep this afternoon, quite content to have a lazy day in with my newly arrived freeview box, XBox 360, downloaded tv shows and new HDTV. Except my PC wouldn't turn on, the freeview didn't work and the Xbox 360 wouldnt connect to a network. Shit, poo, excrement!

So I hunker down to the wires and wonder that is the back of my PC and begin fiddling, turn on? Nope, nothing. Fiddle some more, remove a few cables. AHA! It boots! But no network. Ok turn off, OOH LOOK, Freeview works. Turn PC off. Freeview died. WHAT THE SMEG. I can only watch freeview when I turn my PC off. I NEVER TURN MY PC off. Its curing cancer, and, more importantly downloading episodes of heroes!

I get angry, throw things, and placate myself with an hour of friends. This amuses me lightly. Jenifer Aniston is hot. Mild sense of achievement.

It annoys me that the machine is trying to beat me. Why won't my router resolve a DNS? How come I can't watch heroes on my LCD? And why the hell do I have the window open and the fan blowing when its cold and rainy? I decide to take a urination (... yes its a verb now, I created it, thats what I do, start things), and crack on with beating this damn issue. Wait a second, MAYBE what caused the crash is the very stretched HDMI cable falling out of the video card and dislodging it from the AGP slot. Its enough to cause an interupt at least. More rear PC porn ensues and I find I can now watch heroes on my LCD. Episode 21 in GLORIOUS HD. Turns out Sylar... well, you'll see.

Still its NAGGING away at me that the damn machine won't connect. Who does it think it is. Its not BETTER than me, it cant win, they never do. I always win... eventually. My father feeds me keish (which I can't spell, and hate, but it saved actually cooking or buying food). I perform surgery on my machine, fiddling in the control panel for at least an hour and in doing so breaking a few things. Its time to get extreme. I uninstall my anti-virus software which has been acting like a pissy little bitch latley. I spend an hour online and it decides it needs 75% of my PC's ram. Who said software doesn't have feelings.

It goes the way of the dodo, but no nothing. Right, its the damned router, it has to be. Those things are created by Satan to infuriate us mortal souls who wish to have more than one PC in their lives. Some would call us "open" PC relationship types. I call us progressive. I unplug the bastard son of Tim Berners Lee and glare at in menacingly while the machine reboots with a trusty old DSL modem... this will wor...

You've GOT to be shitting me! How can old modem not work? He never fails me. He, he... he LIKES me! In that place between lost and hopeless and at the corner of fuck-it-all; I decide to go buy comfort food. I see a little boy racer get out of a tiny car with a swagger, I winked and got into my car, he looked to the floor. Minor Victory number two.

I have a pack of Rockys, a pack of wine gums, two 500ml bottles of coke zero, a copy of BMW Car and 4 lottery scratch cards. I comfort bought. Didn't win anything on the scratch cards. I just wanted SOMETHING to cheer about. I watch mind numbing BBC Parliment. I realise I'm weird.

Ok last ditch effort, can I hack my work laptop around the firewall, so I can access google and MSN to fix this damn thing on my PC? Turns out yes, yes I can, but it takes 2 hours to fix all the problems with my laptop I didn't know I had. But no, I'm NEARLY there, I have MSN working on something it should be impossible to do. I am greater than any God, I am a GOODLE! Fuck you Bill Gates. Fuck YOU! Ok google:

"Key Ports error", "MSN"

There are 8 possible solutions. I go through them all one by one, eaching taking roughly 10 mins. Each time I boot my PC my freeview drops out. I throw a pack of new socks out of the window in anger. I go to retrive them and stubb my toe in the process. Who's grandmothers grave did I piss on? Seriously...

I have MSN working on my laptop, but I want FACEBOOK, so bad. I need it. I have... reasons... I NEED COMMUNICATION.

Then it hits me. Uninstall an obscure peice of software my PC isn't using. I know. It sounds strange, a longshot even. But I KNEW it would work. I felt like columbus embarking from spain. Something GOOD would come of this action. I reboot. I leave the room and have a long winding poo. I return, and MSN is signed in. Outlook boots, facebook loads.

My life is complete. 9 hours and 37 minutes after intitally wanting to just "check the regular sites". I win. Victory.

Never ever think yourself unfortunate for struggling to use excel EVER. I will headbutt you. Whoever you are. Except Scott who has a REALLY hard head. Ill just sacktap that goon.

Buddah r thmart

"Do not believe in anything simply because you have heard it. Do not believe in traditions because they have been handed down for many generations. Do not believe anything because it is spoken and rumored by many. Do not believe in anything because it is written in your religious or other books. Do not believe in anything merely on the authority of your teachers and elders. But after observation and analysis, when you find that anything agrees with reason and is conducive to the good and the benefit of one and all, then accept it and live up to it."

I wholly subscribe to this idea.

What a weekend!

It included

• 1 Thursday night with my man Ryan hitting up Leeds.
• 1 Friday night hanging in my favorite bar in the world
• 1 Saturday Pajama party with 150 students
• A pub crawl through headingly
• Meeting a whole wad of new people and having more fun than should be legal
• Being lead by a Unicorn on a stick to a bar that was a boat on land
• Meeting a whole lot of old friends, new friends and potential new clients
• Being offered an interview for a job worth 43k a year + car
• Hanging with my best friends throughout
• A viewing of a night at the roxbury
• Having my necklace fixed while in a club by a girl named rose

Wow.

Tranquility

There is a place within us, so majestic, so beautiful and tranquil that our whole daily lives become irrelevant.

We are capeable of feeling existence soley within ourselves, the experience is so powerful our body becomes irrelevant, our mind's thoughts disapear. We experience pure beauty. For some this is a beach with waves crashing, for others it is stars or galaxies, or a temple in China. Maybe for you it is all of the above, but this place exists within you. This is your Majestic Self. Revel in this light, the tranqulility and beauty of who you really are

You are not your bank account
You are not your height
You are not your ability with women

You are the single most amazing thing the universe has ever seen.
You are capeable of moving mountains with desire alone.
You are free, you are alive, you are happy.

You will achieve the object of your desires in life because you will find that within you is the most amazing and wonderful potential. You will find that within you exists the key to understanding. Within you, who you are, right now in this very moment is everything you could ever wish for.

You are on the journey, the journey is the destination, it is how we act today that makes our tomorrow. Take those 15 mins, be inspired, live.

Middle East Misconceptions

There is a difference and a split in the Middle East and one that the USA is aware of and exploiting in Iraq but not across the region. The wahabbi's (mostly linked to Saudi and in more extreme cases AQ) are of the opinion that anything the West does is bad, and should be wiped off the planet (they of course include Israel in this). The only reason the Saudi's don't get louder about it is because the house of Saud needs the USA to avoid being overthrown. Other regimes in the ME, like Syria and Iran are actually much more west facing in their culture and ideals. They too dislike the wahabbi's and generally have nothing against the west. Their major beef is with Israel, and even that is politically motivated to win support in the region.

The Shiite Syria/Iran bloc need to appear hostile to the west to win minds in the ME away from AQ. Now their (Syria/Iran) behaviour lately has been frankly terrible, but in the current state of affairs military force is not an option and rightly so. The old defensive forces of the cold war cannot deal with the complexities of the modern world. Our great mistake with Hamas was in not negotiating with them, if we had simply laid down the condition of "accept and work with Israel and we'll talk to you", we could have saved a lot of problems, and the same goes for Hezbollah. There may have been fighting between the two sides, but both can have a common enemy if we sort out their beefs with Israel. This is the situation we need to get to, winning these states round will take some concessions on our part, but I think we will be surprised by how cooperative they are. Their current behaviour is reactionary not proactive.

It requires us to swallow pride and talk to those who we have de-humanised as terrorists, but it worked in Northern Ireland and The Balklands. Often its the only way to solve Ethnic and nation state issues. Give people a stake in the future and incentivize them to work towards that future. Then we can concentrate on wiping out AQ who are the only real thread we here in the West have.

Iraq needed to happen, Saddam needed to go, and hopefully if we learn anything from the cultural divide in the region... its that we can have common ground and work with some seemingly hostile factions if we incentivize them to do so. We can all take lessons from this. Often our must emotionally and strongly charged beliefs are leading us astray.

On Happiness

I have been lambested in the past for saying the most wonderful thing you can do for the people you know, is to learn to love yourself.

It seems counter intuative on the simple level, but when you stop and realise that all negativity, all hurt or bad things you may ever cause come from inner dis-harmony it makes a lot of sense. Angry people, are sad people who do not know or love themselves. They may blame external factors, but this simply adds to the issue.

At your very core is silent happiness, and a sense of being alive.
At your very core is the mat-ernal happiness.
At your very core is a connection to life that is pure white light

Meditation, silence, all forms of spirituality, whilst greeted with cynicism by the mind, are often the greatest ointment for our ils. When we go into ourselves we gain true perspective, we loose all worry, worry is a prison imposed by the minds social barriers. Happiness is within all of us, when we were children we were happy, we lived in the now, if something mad us sad, as soon as we forgot about it we defaulted to happy.

Finding this in yourself will strengthen all relationships you have, it will allow you to accept and love yourself for all your mistakes. All your fears will leave and you will find it easier to trust and love others, if you are not hiding anything.

Thoughts

The very word 'Christianity' is a misunderstanding — in truth, there was only one Christian, and he died on the cross - Friedrich Nietzsche

Ok so that's a little harsh on the Christians, but I've used it to make a point. We often hold ourselves to standards that may not entirely fit who we are.

Honesty is the key to freedom and happiness. The two are mutually linked and inseparable. Trying only to please people shows a mistrust in yourself. Who you are should please them, any actions you take should be natural and honest. Any grooming for social status only serves to make us look weaker. We all make mistakes, we are all human, yet we have been left the impression by past generations that pleasing others will reflect well upon ourselves. We have been lead to believe that servitude is a positive. This is absurd. There are three area's we must consistently work on to ensure our social ability does not hinder our lives. Love for our self Love for others. Responsibility. All THREE are essential. Many people have the last two, and are deeply unhappy without realising until its too late.

The colloquial revolution

There has been an immense amount of hype surrounding the use of blogs and independent media taking over. Much of which is yet to come to fruition, however I did stumble across something the other day that struck me. The tide of authoritative and colloquial news and business speak seems to have turned.

Microsoft have shifted a lot of their focus internally for the XBOX360 to what they are calling "Dev Luv". This is a title that makes corporate emails and is used in business meetings. Ten years ago it would be unimaginable that anyone could stray so far from the accepted norms. Then there was marketing speak, which brought out a new buzzword every week. At last the cultural revolution has begun. Companies have realised they can have a personality, and even be funny, whilst remaining very serious and professional. I predict many will follow this lead, and a LOT can be learned from it.

In our every day dealings we can maintain a strong presence without being aloof or distant. Indeed being aloof now works as a disadvantage; a strong personality is an essential requirement for strong leadership. Do not hide who you are, the social constructs that use to exist to confine us are lifting, and showing personality can be a massive benefit. We are social animals and we should use that gift to our advantage.

London Baby!

Yeah boi, I'm in London for the weekend. Business AND pleasure ;)

Actual random thoughts

Ok so the prior post turned into a rant again. I'm a rantalicious type of guy, it makes me happy in my special place. That said I have a lot of energy, and thats because I have a lot of mass (at least 14 stone of mass). Since Einstein says E=mc² which literally means Mass is energy squared by the speed of light. I have an abundence of energy! We really are beings of energy, no matter how physical we appear. That Einstein guy, what a goon but we love him. Classic hair do.

IRC Quote of the day
Pedlya So I got this really big usb drive, and me and my dad are trying to put shit on it.
*Simpe has entered #cancelled
Pedlya my dad said its too big, and I guess it was
Pedlya so my mom comes in and is trying to push it in...it still didnt go in
Pedlya my brother uses his and it fits fine, so we just use his
* Simpe has quit IRC (I dont want to know dude... )

Stream of thoughts

To get the most out of someone you have to be willing to let them fail. You have to put the ball in their hands and empower them to run with it, for better or worse. I have seen and experienced both types of expectation, and from this learned which motivates me better and become a better motivator as a result. In larger companies often being the young enthusiastic and capable newcomer is not as welcomed as it would seem. Even in young projects, anything that involves large scale has Dogma which takes time to assimilate. Plans of action and good coaching whilst seeming like overhead and time wasting to those already at work, are utterly essential to a project keeping focus. Political in fighting within organisations occurs at all levels further abstracting people from the product and their customer. True customer focus large in business is very rare.

In life we often get lost in the quagmire of daily tasks (giggity), instead of keeping focus on our longer term goals. We find ourselves working with the task and completing the task well, but perhaps not always to the best benefit of our overall goal. For example, if we intend to create a piece of software or other product, we work very hard on the site but not the documentation. Then when the customer wants to use the product and it breaks, we spent so much time designing the best product we could that we lost focus of what the customer needs.

What do we need from life, and how does that differ from what we want, or more accurately, what we think we want. Do we need financial discipline when what we want is more money? Do we need to keep perspective when what we want is to get overly involved in a task? In the daily grind of life we loose the bigger picture very easily. Yet one of the most common traits in the successful is to not get lost in the excitement of an idea, to keep the skeptic or third person perspective. Consider other points of view, and how an idea, thought or possibility fits in to the wider world. You may have the greatest most intricate electronics MP3 gadget design ever, but who cares if it costs more than the iPOD and isn't as easy to use? Perspective is essential.

A question

The question Does consciousness arise from the universe, or does the universe arise from consciousness?

They are one and the same thing, the universe exists with rules laws and conciousness inherant. Life itself is an extension of universal conciousness. Realising that the universe holds all the answers already allows you to stop looking for them and to start seeing them. To use a programming analogy, its like when you stop working on the bug thats been annoying you all day and you go to sleep, then the answer hits you. Your mind, body and supra concious (I dislike the term subconcious) are tuned into the universe in ways your five senses cannot perceive. When we act on instinct and live in the now, we achieve far greater perspective than we have stuck in our intellectual frontal lobe.

I discovered this earlier today and found myself giggling uncontrollably. I really do have an odd sense of humor. Lately I've found that I'm not the only one and indeed that the Family Guy fans of the world are out there!

I have been drinking Mountain Dew and watching both The Boondocks and Robot Chicken an awful lot lately. This may not sound strange unless you know I reside in the UK where none of the above is widely available. There is great comedy out there that is being missed people! This isn't right, its left of Che Guverra! Damn lefties with their leftorium and left handed scissors. I'm still confused over the whole Aqua Teen Hunger Force thing though. To me this show looks like a recipe for loosing my face in a freak confusion incident involving a sledgehammer. You know, when a show is so odd on first viewing that you really do feel like the guy in the lovely picture? (Which shall henceforth be known as "the lovely picture".

Anyhoo, slap any of the aforementioned odities into wikipedia and/or playusa.com if you are a fan of the whacky and the odd. Then head to americansoda.co.uk and order yourself a crate of Mountain Dew. Only THEN can you call yourself Mr Duckypants.

Charm

Charm is an interesting word, its one which carries different meanings for different people. Usually it is held in a positive light, but with a wink at the negative; yet still liked. The interesting character of the word leads well to its use in social situations. What is it about the charming, the crafty and the behavior that would be unacceptable if it were not pulled of well? Why does it affect us like it does, and why is it a useful tool in our arsenal of social success?

Charm seems counter-intuitive, being purposefully cheeky with the intention of being liked. Or on the other hand, being purposefully caring and attentive but from a position of social dominance. Why is it we appreciate someone who can convey their social superiority without actively challenging us? Well, it would appear the answer is exactly that. We can not be jealous of those who are charming because they have "groomed" us as it were, by acting in a way we will appreciate. They slide straight through the radar of mistrust we hold for strangers and assure us with a sense of familiarity.

Familiarity breeds contempt, yet that contempt in most healthy social relationships takes a playful form and is not meant. Our politeness to long term acquaintances and friends often has a hint of familiar humor. When we as social animals can trigger these reactions within moments of meeting complete strangers we have at our disposal a very useful tool. The good news is that charm can be learned, like all behavior it is intrinsically learned. We are either taught by our environment growing up that charm is a successful trait, or we choose to incorporate it into who we are.

This means, that at all times our posture should be strong, and that if we do supplicate/help someone else we ensure they know our time is valuable and not free. They in turn will value our help more. We should be conscious of our facial expressions and learn what social triggers we can achieve with a half smile, the use of eyebrow raises and chin positioning. Our social circle is our playing ground, we can hold any position in that circle we wish to have. Among new people it is even easier, assume you hold all the cards to their potential success and realize they would not even be interacting with you if they did not have something to gain. You have unlimited power, unlimited potential; awaken your charm and live easier.

Idea's

Some great quotes I came across... umm... Discovered. Read and digest each of these, and think of where they apply to your life.

• Diplomacy is the art of letting someone else get your way.
• No great man ever complains of want of opportunity.
• Truth often suffers more by the heat of its defenders than the arguments of its opposers.
• You can complain because roses have thorns, or you can rejoice because thorns have roses.
• Charity is injurious unless it helps the recipient to become independent of it.
• What I do today is important because I am paying a day of my life for it. What I accomplish must be worthwhile because the price is high.
• It is a funny thing about life: if you refuse to accept anything but the best you very often get it.
• He who foresees calamities suffers them twice over (<-- God I can relate to that)
• In the province of the mind, what one believes to be true either is true or becomes true
• The purpose of life is a life of purpose.
• Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself.
• There is one thing stronger that all the armies in the world; and that is an idea whose time has come

We are each of us angels with only one wing, and we can only fly by embracing one another.
-Luciano de Crescenzo