Why I couldn't sleep

I went to the doctors earlier today, and I knew they were going to tell me off for having missed appointments over christmas (I was ill), and then re-arranging one to go to Vegas. I still went there quite confident my recent pains were the remains of infection that just WONT go away.

My reasoning is this, The pain got worse after I stopped antibiotics, it hit me on a flight to Vegas, and gave me upset stomach and gurgling. A few days later it subsided. So I get to the oncology ward, my usual bouncy quite happy self, and they make me wait JUUUUUUST long enough to be bored and not quite so happy.

I head in, and get said bollocking, and they mention the sample they took of my wee had no sign of infection. My first though is why would it? The infection isn't in my bladder... but then surely and infection infects all of you?... But then I was on the antibiotics at the time I gave the sample.

Anyways, all this stuff is swirling around my head instead of sleep. That and discomfort in the lower abdomen and around sensitive parts. I'm writing this out to hope maybe it will leave my head. But how are you supposed to sleep when all you can think is "what if?"

What if I have to shave my head?
What if it spreads to the other ball, no kids?

The worst part about it all is I just want to curl up and hug.

I dont get like this often, I mean its SUPER rare. Normally I want to be the life of the party, and Ive been especially horny and outgoing lately too.

I'm scared. I admit it. Its 4am and I cant sleep.

I wonder whats on BBC news 24.

(Edit, Jan 09: What was interesting about this blog was who didn't respond to it)