A Near, Dear Miss.

Reality is what we know, plant a seed and watch it grow. We live in a world where the sun rises and sets. Our life is timeboxed into beginning middle and end. The seasons flow, the tides ebb small things become big, live, grow and die.

So why then is it still so very heart wrenching when you get a phone call saying "Your mum has just had a heart attack, she's on her way to hospital". How do you deal with that information? My reaction was intense anxiety, followed by my usual frontal lobe calm. Ok go tell the boss and just go.

This of course didn't stop me shouting at traffic in my way en route the hospital. Nor did it stop me eulogising my mother's brilliance. When you start thinking what you'd say at someone's funeral, and it makes you emotional then you have some stuff to tell them. I've tried to live my life by this rule, never leave things unsaid. Sadly when the sunshine is the sky, and we feel aright, we have no reason to tell people how we feel. There will always be tomorrow.

Then it rains, and it rains hard. No matter how strong you are, the little things always get in your way. The travel, paying bills, staying still.

All of this stress came, not because of the activities themselves, but from guilt. I felt like I haven't spent enough time with my Mum, or thanked her for the wonderful job she did raising me. Yes, typical only child right? Add to that the fact my Mum was never supposed to have children. I am literally a miracle. I've been made to feel that special every day of my existence, and the act of breathing makes my Mum happy.

No more though. I'm 25, lay down your worries Mum. I got this life.

I love you motherbear.

Post; Haste

I needed to write, but for the first time instead of words streaming out of my conciousness, I'm actually bothered about the quality. I want to do this emotion justice. It seems having very strong critical instincts is paralysing for creativity, especially when trying to express how you feel at your core.

Still; I want to record how I'm feeling, in the hope that maybe I'll look back and take something from it. Or that by writing it down, and pressing publish it will help me understand.

I prefer dogs to people as a rule. So losing Aggy has been really really tugging at the tear ducts. Not that I've fallen about in angst since I heard the news, but that large skull below was my confidant. The one living thing that knew everything about me. I mean its that it's only when I saw Aggy that I felt well after the cancer in 07.



There is something about the calming reliability of a dog. They are there, they are staying with you and are furiously loyal to you. Which I guess is something we humans don't grant each other very often. At the risk of sounding cynical, I'm observing how often humans sell each other out even to relative strangers. If it's talking the ear off a stranger about a best friend who wronged you, or if it's the dance of wanting to be wanted... We are a species who just can't commit to anything.

I read an interesting article about how our conciousness is actually something our emotions manipulate. Sure we're pretty convinced the reason we dislike the traffic warden is because logically they are parasitic in nature... but the real reason we don't like them is because they feel like they are a bit mean.

We can't use that language of course, that would risk feeling embarrassed, and self preservation dictates we cannot feel anything... but controlled bursts of melancholy or joy shared in a group.

So then society runs to its drugs, its rollercoasters and its art. It runs because it can't face itself. We have wonderful tools of expression and yet cannot say hello in the pure, and simple way an animal does. With all of ourselves. I'm as guilty of this as anyone. As an empath I'm just as likely to reciprocate awkwardness as I am openness.

I will miss my dog because pushing my face into the big skull of that rottie made me feel alive, made me feel welcomed and gave me that release that very little else in life (besides yin) can provide. The lesson I'm trying to teach myself by articulating this is to take more risks not less. Maybe I'll take a few followers on the way too.

To get what I want, I'm going to have to keep changing, and challenging myself on things I held dear. Doing so will require being way out of my comfort zone. It's strange then, that at the top of the mania cycle, making friends is easy, humour is natural to me and creativity happens. You can't force a fate you think is right, but perspective will always, always win the day.

With that I'm going to step back, and list some of the good times and memories I had of Aggy, in a log file, stored away on my pc. I miss you Aggy, you were such a good dog and my life is better from having known those big brown eyes and that fat head. xxx

Every day...

That overbearing guilt of not living your life the way you feel you should. Yeah that, you know it? I've had it an awful lot latley, working all day, to come home from the gym and collapse into a heap. All these ideas end up as useless reminders on my phone, and dreams for tomorrow. Think they better wait til tomorrow, gotta make sure it's right, so til tomorrow goodnight.

The only way out of a cycle like that is travel. It sets back my financial goals, but it helps my soul, so on balance it has to be a good thing.

So I'm going to Amsterdam in two weekends time with my favourite little person (full grown, just small, and funky), in the form of Cat. I love internet comparison sites for allowing me to book this jaunt into an amazing city, and stay there for £28/night. Now my only task is to pack as much fun into is as possible, after I've loaded the Mp3 player with sunshine friendly music.

I'm still thinking, and can't possibly communicate through this blog all the thoughts running through my head. But, I'm happy and that's what matters. I hope you are too. Wherever you are.

The Best thing in Life is...?

That noise dogs make when they are excited. It sounds like OMFFF HARUMPHHHH OFFLUGHM, AFFLUM. It makes no sense whatsoever if you don't have a dog. But if you do, well that's just a magical way of saying hello.



I love getting phone calls from excited people too. Annie wins in the excited phone call wars. "I'm just riding my bike, it's so exciting!!!". Maybe it's because its Spring time, maybe it's something to do with the economy, or maybe its pure coincidence... but there seems to be an abundance of happy around at the moment. Kudos to Karma.

The new Star Trek film got the Heroes / Lost makeover from JJ Abrahams who is brilliant at the human side to a story, but I'm pretty glad they didn't let his imagination run wild and kept to some canon in there. Reliably, Sorah informs me that it is to the Star Trek franchise what Begins was to the Batman franchise. The key for me was the casting of Pegg, who doesn't take bad roles unless he wrote it.

The SCIENCE album by Incubus doesn't get enough love. It's been one of those weeks where you need new music in your life (and by new, I mean music you haven't heard before, or in a while. Instead of whatever tripe some children in Kent just came up with). Currently digging asleep in the bread aisle by Asher Roth (who must be named after Asteroth the Soul Calibur character). As well as Deadmau5's album, which is both funky, and chunky sounding.

This has been my stream of conciousness.

Enjoying life's rear view Mirror.

Looking through old photos on facebook in the sunshine is me savouring the after taste of great moments.

Listening to some amazing music over the top is quite possibly my favourite thing except clouds. Travelling back from London last Friday was one of those train journeys where you end up making stories out of the cloud formations. Don't get me wrong, GQ was perfectly interesting, with its amusing lists, and facts about bears going crazy when you give them toothpaste. It could not compete with the cloud, and Mp3 player combination.

Compared with even a year ago life is so much better. I mean sure the economy went to shit, and I have more debt than I did, but things are going well. So well that during the train ride I mentioned above the following idea hit. Why on earth aren't major coporates delivering content over IP solutions? There are risks being first to market, but c'mon, Apple proved so long as the interface is right it will sell, even if it lacks features.

Geeks inherited the earth, and ruined it. Well ok, so movies got better, but the way we market technology is all numbers. Men in their 30s used to be playing their commadore 64 as kids, and now have marketing, or software jobs. So the geek has changed, and gone more underground, bitching and whining about how every movie isn't the same as the comic or cartoon. They must now compete to be more of an outcast, to be geek cool.

I want a new phone. The LG arena looks pretty.

That's about how much thought has gone in to it, that and I really like thier Michael Jackson remix on the advert. So yeah, Content-over-IP google? You can buy the idea off me (even though I just gave it away, and it's probably been thought of and has technology / lack of investment issues). But Google can fix it. They're like Jimmy Savile for the post .com era.

Buying a new watch and 3 new shirts made me feel badass. There is an argument that says as a result I'm fickle. But if I feel better, and look better, and can afford it... is it a bad thing? Materialism does go too deep with some, but the high minded outrage it provokes is painful.

I'm in limbo between capeable, experied 30 something who has been there done that, and quite content to raise a family & a raging party animal. The duality is interesting to experience, and just as interesting to step back from and go "woah". I mean Asher Roth is 2 years younger than me! I'm getting old by social standards, and if not certainly by media standards, yet I feel like I'm only just hitting my stride. Late bloomer WHUT.

Controlling ADD, and doing things Properly

So the lovley Christina Z sent me a message saying "Struggling to subscribe", and I noticed, I really don't get how all this blogging lark works. I mean, sure the whole posting thing is simple enough, and I got a twitter feed quick enough. Yet when it came to really digging in the underbelly of blogger I got confused.

So now not only do I have a PC that is infested with Mac OSX and slowly killing the memory of my beloved Vista. It turns out I'm behind the times with this 2006 phenomeonon known as blogging. Am I getting OLD?

It's way more likley that I'm becoming retro cool. No?

Approaching my 25th is strange. Old people who used to be cool when I was younger are now older people who have kids that find them uncool. I always knew this cycle happened, but witnessing it happen is a whole new experience. Honestly, I don't quite know how to feel about this observation. Key candidate for being one of those. Mr Ryan. This "kids today don't get it" thing is big.

It seems people turn thirty, realize they are becoming uncool in the eyes of offspring, but no longer care because their life has moved on. But in their own world, there is still a high school hierachy. We humans are strange.

The definition of cool even changes. We live in a world where men in their 30s, were the MTV Generation. They are no longer cool, but have the exact same culture. In their world they still are too. It's madness. I now get why OAPs love the slow dance thing. That was their rock and roll. Wait, it kinda was rock and roll. Colour me spooked.

Life Eventful?

Yeah. It's reaching the point where I'm activley trying to manage my life. Turns out it's a big freakin task. Lifehacker only helps so much. Can't I outsource that kinda stuff? I actually can't wait for technology to take up my human weakness caused slack. I have a terrible memory. It can only be improved so much by brain training and list making.

Give me a life extension. Like a firefox extension, I just install it into my face, and everytime I want to remember something, I just set the reminder. Can you imagine how much better life would be if you never forgot stuff?

Ahh we can dream.

Last Bank Holiday was MESSY. There are terrible photos, good memories and smiles. Catching up with people is fun, doing it in the sunshine is funè.

I guess it's because life is really good at the moment, and I don't want it to end. Like all things I enjoy, in the midst of enjoyment is the horrible brittle feeling that the emotion will pass soon. Nothing is permenant so we just chase the feeling again.

Words running through my head:

• Bromance.
• Cool new LG Phone
• Aggy is large
• Blame it on the boogie.
• ADD is difficult to manage
• Lots of people in my life at the mo woo.
• Still people I need to catch up with
• Need a PA.
• Wow that was almost coherent.
• Scrubs is shit.
• Need to get into southpark.
• God I wish I could focus.
• The Wii Fit is not a legitimate fitness product
• Annie Parker is the greatest little goo face
• Sunshine feels good to me, plants must love it
• Morrisons has some surprising DVD offers.
  

Do the Sunday dance.

Working day and night, whatever happens do the dance.

Whoever invented bank holidays rocks. The sun is shining, and anything that moves, knows where to be. I don't know why the sunshine makes us feel so much better. It's probably genetic and something to do with the need to procreate and pass on DNA. Whatever the reason, it feels pretty good being alive right now. I hope we never become a pure logic species, we'd miss out on so much agonizing about efficiency when fun is what matters.

Let's get this party started right, lets get drunk and freakified.

Headaches, Cure. Brilliant Ideas and Ketchup

As with all my blogs, they start all friendly and end up with the bigger thoughts and ideas. It gets you in the mood for thinking though so it's all good.

The best things in life are free, but you can give them to the birds and bee's... I want chicken. That's what I want.



There are few things as amazing as cooking for yourself, food your parents made as a treat when you were younger. This may sound a little trivial to some, but the sheer JOY I experienced cooking Birds Eye Crispy Chicken Dippers with Potato Waffles was only outdone by the JOY that followed when I ate them. I even used the spice mill thing to dip the chicken into ketchup. This is by no means the most nutritious or best meal ever... but it rocked my world.

Cream Eggs are nearly gone from our shelves for the rest of 2009. For some reason this year they got better than ever.

Now for the Brilliant bit
Thing's I've been thinking about that would have been nice to have been taught:

• lifehacker.com allows you to upgrade bits of your life. Really. Really really.
• Creativity if channeled right is the most valuable asset you have.
• Managing your finances means you get MORE MONEY.
• There is nothing you can't learn if you give it a shot at searching for it.
• You're not the first to struggle with something, humans can find help.
• Life is more wonderful than it is cruel, the mix of the two makes life art.
• Perfection is boring, don't strive for it. Instead go for useful, or meaningful.
• Humanity is broken and flawed, and that is precisely what makes it amazing.
• There is no joy without failure.

Question: Would any of the above have meant so much to me if I HAD been taught them? Probably not. It is most likely the epic revelations I feel almost daily have been had by many, even hundreds of thousands, possibly a few million before me. I'm not special for finding out a litany of useful ways to get the best out of life. It does however feel like my goal is to somehow use it, and then spread it without sounding like the sources I learned from.

Lessons and learning has this whole dullness problem. Learning sounds like the most BORING use of a day ever. Yet how many people do you know who hated lessons in school who love a good nature documentary?

As another example, ever watched the tv shows you loved as a kid? Didn't you feel a bit cheated when you realized how much they were teaching you. Yet at the time you loved it? Why...

Well this is the key to the whole blog post so of course I'm going to pad this out, and tease you a little first... Why did we love learning as kids? Why don't we love learning now?

"Sy", you reply poetically, "it was fun when we were kids". Yes, yes it was. It also made you really happy. It was fun when you were younger because we as a species find joy in doing what is successful. It is at its very core a survival tool to enjoy what helps us survive. Dogs enjoy hunting training, cats too, hamsters really love running around a lot in a confined space...

How useful then; a species that finds joy in learning. Wouldn't they become smart quickly compared to competing animals?

If you take a look at Stephen Fry, David Attenborough or even Jonathan Ross. What do they have in common? Their unquenchable thirst for new knowledge, media or art. The act of learning both keeps them young, whilst making us wiser.

Learning has an image problem which comes from how bad we are as a species at teaching. Instead of inspiring people to learn, we force "correctness" on them from our ivory tower of adulthood. School never stops, kids have kids who have kids. You only feel old when you stop loving life.

Knowledge used to be power, but now power comes from sharing knowledge and being a conduit for it. The internet means it's getting harder and harder to hide, control and manage. Yet humanity left to its own devices with a big fat knowledge tool like the internet... Does pretty well. It was humanity that created Religion, then Governments, then The Slinky. Humanity left to its own devices elsewhere will create the most useful power structure for success in its environment. Not through individual intelligence, but through swarm intelligence.

The individual is smart, but it can be incorrect. An incorrect individual will eventually be exposed, and the swarm learns from it.

Making the internet the ultimate humanity swarm.

Stuff what has happen.

My blogging frequency dropped like the currency markets; despite knowing I'd be way tired and have way less free time it has still come as a shock. Not so much "Well isn't that novel", more "I actually have NO spare time to do nothing". Doing nothing is one of my favorite things!

I seem to be gaining a little ground at work, largely because my approach to learning just about any task is quite different to the norm. Given a rubix cube most people will twist for a while, get one or two sides right and then present it as "done-ish". I've never been one that could think inside the box, or out of the blue sky (for you cliche lovers out there).



There is more than one way to skin a cat.
Multiple ways to pluck a hedgehog...
and a Rubix cube can be broken and then put back together.

Faith in your ability to figure out new ways, different ways or easier ways of doing things is a skill. Confession: I don't have much of a clue about how to be an infrastructure project manager. BUT, I can project manage, I pick up stuff pretty quickly, and if I don't know I'll get a clue or pointer from google pretty quickly.

There is now no excuse for "I can't do that", only, "I've not done it before". <3 The internets.

Awesome²

I took a great deal of pride in the consistency and frequency of my blogging at the beginning of the year. It felt better to get some of those thoughts out there, into the world and just enjoy the regular expression of it all g^.




The good news is all is not lost, the note taking & reading is still going on behind the scenes. I also fully intend to finish this mini rant with an amusing picture that fits in with the current greenish blogger theme I got goin on. Those ideas are still in me, it's just taking a little time to adjust to the idea of listening to Chris Moyles in the morning. Talking about the football last night, and getting on with work.

Yes it feels a bit routine already... but it won't for long. I have a few ideas on how to shake things up a bit.

Comic relief apprentice was amazing. Just as I typed that, D walks in and tells me about Cherly Cole being in tonights episode. Why not multiply the awesome by itself. So that it becomes awesome to the power of awesome... squared. Like so: Awesome²

Been thinking.

• Macs offer the false utopia of a police state.
• Linux is anarchy with pockets of good tyrannical socialism
• Windows is democratic, flawed warts and all... but ultimatley more capeable and flexible for those who know how to rise above the crowd, and a good choice for those who don't.

Maybe you should have your Geek IQ measured. If it's low get a Mac because they are pretty and allow you to be iCool. If it's super high use Linux so you feel as superior as a Lion in a smokers jacket (how much would THAT rock). If you don't give a shit. Be like Pharell Williams. I'm a PC, because I like to tinker just when it's nessasary or feel like it... but have the rest done for me, because I'm a straight up pimp YA HERRRD?!

Doctor Doctor. I'm about to tell a formulaic joke.
Hatstand.

Finally - time to chill.

Yes that's a kung fu squirrel...

The cold is wearing off, the panic and shock to the system of having to be up at 7am, working like a dog all day, then hitting the gym, then trying to have an evening... is finally letting up.

When something is rare, we tend to value it more. Except steak, that always has to be medium rare to be perfect. My point is; I've been busy, its the weekend & by God am I glad that first week is out of the way. Why I had to have the worst cold in a long time, during my first week of work in a long time I'm still unsure. It is mighty cruel though.

Things I've noticed. Getting up early is as easy as putting on a pair of trousers. It's an old habit, that even if neglected for a little while just falls right back into place. Kudos to my Mum for making me go to school for all those years. Mad respek.

For the first few days I was in a virus and shock laden bubble. Nothing in the world seemed the same as before. It was always dark & I had way less energy. Which sucked, because I like being me. It's fun, you get to look at life from a funny angle and go "heh, that's weird" a lot. Which is just about my favourite thing outside Malteasers, and a good hips to waist ratio (you'd think those two are diametrically opposed, but no!).

Going into an office where everyone is overworked and super busy is a new experience. A growing company is a great place to be for your career & the kind of company that buys a Nintendo Wii as a raffle prize to raise money for comic relief... clearly is ahead of the curve. (Ohh, cliché, £1 in the cliché tin).

Which leads me to; it took THREE days before I heard a management cliché! No blue sky thinking, or outside the box crap. No synergy, very little touching base. It's a good sign because people are being direct. Not the kind of being direct that is a "core coporate value". The kind of direct where you ask someone to look at a database and they tell you "It's broken, I will when it's fixed". Respek nummer two.

Now for a little break in my rant. Breathe. Take a little look out of the window. Yeah go on, it's a nice enough day. Think about animals. I enjoy doing that.

So where do I go from here? Coventry? Alaska? The dark side of the moon?

Well promotion is earned not given. It takes daily effort & I'm more than happy to put that in. Can I? Will I? With every fibre in my body I'll push. If there's something to learn, google has the answers, the overviews & templates done by other people to steal. Living in the information age means knowing the question is now as important if not more so than knowing the answer. Fingers crossed. X marks the spot.

New Job

So my blogs have gotten a little sparse lately, what with the new job and the worst cold ever. Out of guilt here are a few things going through my mind.

• I want to know why this cold is haunting me, and whos leg I have to hump to make it go away
• If you use the term "blue sky thinking" you just gave up your ability to speak, and replaced with with a cliché, and SUCK
• Getting up for work in the morning stifles my creative tweeting skills
• Why does my throat feel like I deep throated a cactus
• I need a crackberry, but then Id never get any work done. Hmmm
• I've noticed how little you miss the internet, and how much more quiet it seems when you don't use it as much
• Karima Francis is amazing.
• BT want to charge me £4.70 for each old bill I request a copy of, for proof of address. Annoying

Each of those has a paragraph of amusing Sy rant potential. Sadly, I must dash, pizza is ready.

A New Dawn

Sundays should feel apocalyptic somehow, because work is the next day. I admit I'm nervous in that good excited kind of way. It feels like there is a big hill to attack and that excites me and makes adrenaline rush.

Last night was fun. Had one of those nights that don't really have a distinct plan. They always turn into the best nights out. Not sure why that happens, maybe its the Buddhist detachment from outcome, or just maybe it's doing something different. Either way, you end up in a bar you've never noticed before having a ton of fun with people you haven't seen in a while.

Just what the doctor ordered.


Why haven't I found this website before? It has Richard Branson giving an amazing interview about his life, and what inspires him. Bill Gates talking about how to solve some of the worlds biggest problems, and is possibly one of the few sites that will draw you in like wikipedia & youtube... but instead of being pure entertainment. It's inspiring too.

Nerd ADD.

They say men can't multi task, but do Nerds count as men? Tell me to rub my belly and pat my head & I'm already thinking about what's for dinner and how to improve my gym work out.

The media age we live in, and its constant endless flow of information is too much for most of the population. So they end up with spyware riddled PCs suffering from winrot after a year, when all they did was surf for a little porn, and chat on facebook a bit. See most people look at the PC as a big fat phone. It is functional, but to Nerds? It's a window into the bit of the brain our memory isn't good enough to deal with.

What was that song I wanted to listen to? Oh yeah NP: Lamb of God - Reclamation.

rands explains it better.

Stop reading right now and take a look at your desktop. How many things are you doing right now in addition to reading this column? Me, I’ve got a terminal session open to a chat room, I’m listening to music, I’ve got Safari open with three tabs open where I’m watching Blogshares, tinkering with a web site, and looking at weekend movie returns. Not done yet. I’ve got iChat open, ESPN.COM is downloading sports new trailers in the background, and I’ve got two notepads open where I’m capturing random thoughts for later integration into various to do lists. Oh yeah, I’m writing this column, as well.

See, if I do the same task here is the answer. Two firefox windows. One has facebook, this blog, lifehacker, BBC News, a better writing article & rands in repose article. The other has a bunch of windows about java mobile application development. I can't bring myself to close those, because they're not quite worthy of bookmarking. I have my email inbox open, and tweetdeck feeding my live updates. uTorrent is downloading a few things, I have a log file with todays thoughts and ideas as well as winamp entertaining my ears.

The truth is, without those distractions, I don't work as well & can't get through any task. Sharing my time between each of them results in me hitting this zone where round pegs do your bidding and nestle right into that square hole. Good little round peg.

New music, New Social Networking, New Cloud?

Yes, I do love the new TI & Justin Timberlake song. The production is stunning, it has strings and hippety hop all in the same song. It's well done, catchy and has a good message. Still there are a few things in there that are annoying. Hip hop has this whole "eyyyyyyy, ohhhhhhhh" thing going on which could be more annoying than stubbing your toe.


After a month or so on Twitter I think I finally get it. By blogging about it, I also join the ranks of the millions of people who do nothing but twitter on about twitter. It's brilliance is that people actually write what they are interested in or up to. With blogs people try to be interesting, or at least have enough content to fill a blog. The character limit and the the URL linking you can be on the bleeding edge of any subject within a matter of seconds.

It got me thinking.

Doesn't email seem like a long time ago now? Why don't all my other services work like twitter, with lots of interesting apps and ways to organise data streaming from what is otherwise pretty unorganised. My MP3s are sorted by artist, my movies by year... but if the Cloud netowork or Semantic web is so smart... Why can't it join up all my data too and sort it in the way twitter does.

The beauty of the cloud is that it works with tripples. That means that we have more than just data and it's title. We know how it relates to other data instantly. A cloud network knows the difference between an MP3 and an avi. It could then sort that data for you, or search it... or tell you who of your friends also has it. Or what they thought of it if they blogged, tweeted or posted on a forum about it.

Services like glue are heading in that direction... but until someone joins the dots. We have a lot of floating data that isn't working as hard is it could. If I want to learn about a subject, or have been given a task I don't know how to complete as a competant net savvy member of Generation Y I would have gone to google or wikipedia and found something

Now I'm including twitter in that search. That shift is seismic and it's coming.

The stuff we do.

So today I installed OSX the Mac operating system on a spare bit of hard disk space I have. The problem is, that spare bit is quite small. So installing anything else isn't going to happen. On a PC I'd just install that to another drive or partition. But noooo, its a Mac, it just FAILS. I mean works...



I was even going to do something as simple as change where firefox downloads files to. Then it dawned on me. What no file menu? What kind of a sick OS doesn't give you any options for customisation.

Macs do "just work" provided you are going to do nothing but use software. Start doing anything creative, add in some more powerful hardware and it fails. No wonder Apple always made their own hardware. Microsoft did something incredible with Windows. They made it work with 95% of hardware out of the box.

So why would I embark on such a strange task you ask? Well I wanted to develop an iphone app and have a play. I may just concentrate on the blackberry side to start with. Why? Because it's not Apple nazi-fied.

Splitter!

I know my destination, I'm just not there...

Not as bothered about it as I used to be though. Business suddenly makes sense. Nobody told me the corporate world was 100% political. It may seem stupidly naive but when people told me how business worked & that it's safe to speak your mind, I believed them.

This blog may split 3 or even 4 ways in the near future.


Splitting is never fun, especially since I'll have to go through the archives and do that. But I'm such a scatterbrain, it will make a lot of sense. Lots of ideas :)

Any Given Monday

Sup?

Despite hurting my back this weekend & the occasional bit of shooting pain. I feel pretty good today. It's been a weekend of healing & resting.

I'm not after fame and fortune, I'm after you.
When I've served my time, I swear I'll come back for you.

Just got a call from the benefits lady in Leeds city council. If they process the stuff in time, I should be ina position where I can live & work up to my first pay day without borrowing a penny. That would ROCK so much.

Scandal-Mouse

So guess who went to see Russell Brand on Wednesday, 5 rows from the front? Be jealous.

Or wait for the DVD release... either way. The whole thing is brilliant from top to bottom, especially the live crowd interaction. I was surprised by how he is just how you expect him to be. Quick witted and a bit bemused by the whole circus that goes on around his quaff of hair. Renaming leggings "testosterousers" is a good effort as well as the observation that his look doesn't really work without fame. Heh...

Now I'm free, free fallin...

So sick of waiting to start work. I want to earn money & enjoy the perks that come with it. More than anything the sensation of having achieved something. Success is what I crave, the rewards are a perk.

The sun is shining. I'm thinking what LA will be like for my 25th birthday & who could be convinced to join me out there. *guitar solo*

Lined up for another interview on friday, decent job based in the center of Leeds. Wonder what happens if I get it? It's fun being able to attend an interview with no pressure. Could very realisitcally see myself turning around to TSYS and saying "I needed the extra cash". Who knows. Either way, get the sense I'm not long from climbing the ladder pretty rapidly & enjoying the journey.

Skipping to the last page of a book ruins the ending, doing a level skip cheat ruins a video game & the end of a song is pointless without the full build up. The same is true of life.

Scatterbrain

Things running through my head:

Watching the new season of 90210 was weird. The old show looks so dated and kitsch now, but this new one has bright colours and looks like entourage. So I'm thinking "woah it got good", but then it has the perfect family in the middle and can't resist being cheesy. Heh.

Progress huh? There is this one girl who is mixed race, has amazing eyes. Anyways, her whole weekend was put on hold so she could hang out with her dad. Who turned up, gave her a car and left. She later founds out, he left because he's having an affair on her mum. I just thought. OUCH. Take that materialism.

I promise myself and the universe. I'll never be the guy that values money over my time. Time with people is all we have.

The new Rise Against album is amazing. I'm a huge fan of the band. It's pretty easy to see why people wouldn't be straight away. They sound like a lot of bands in there genre. Put them next to NoFX and they could be a clone. But there is something about the harmonies & the lyrics that is a different class. The patterns please me in a classical way, marry that with brilliant lyrics and you have yourself a good combo. Shame their politics are left of Mao.

We’re all ok, until the day we’re not
The surface shines, while the inside rots
We raced the sunset and we almost won
We slammed the brakes, but the wheels went on

Word to the Jen. Bowie is so smart she can like trashy tv ironically.

Is it just me, or do you ever get so stuck into something that seemed brilliant yesterday... that just isn't today. Midnight mania is always best tempered with dawn doubt. Amazing how the time of day affects creativity, emotion & your reactions.

that's when I told her
I love you girl
but I'm not the answer for
the questions that you still have

I get to see Russell Brand tonight. You'd be suprised how difficult it's been to get people to come along with me. Spare tickets, may even go to waste! Shocking.

I need money :(