An Interview & A lesson learned.

Maybe its the caffeine, or perhaps it's the eerie lack of light since the light bulb blew in my bedroom... but the worst part about having just had an interview. Is the sense that it might have gone really well. Or it might just have been close, but no cigar.

The company was pretty cool, the future of the company looks bright, and the bosses seemed like decent people who I could spend time around & respect. It doesn't feel like a home run, but certainly a base hit. Everyone who had their fingers crossed for me... that good karma may come in handy! Watch this space.

The whole experience did reinforce a few things that have been swilling around in the brain of Sy lately. A long time ago I wrote an "Open letter to Game Haters" suggesting that guys wanting to improve their abilities with women systematically is a good thing. I stand by that idea. However in practice and with a few years experience under the belt, some grave concerns have developed. If the online community was what it claimed to be, supportive & helpful then yes it would be a very good thing.

It is however a honeypot for the needy. It is filled with hero worship, fanboy arguments & 9 out of 10 people offering advice, very few actually listening. Having met a large percentage of the "top guys" in the community the majority of them are a mess. They may have the ability to seduce any woman, but is that how success as a man is measured... or success as a boy

There are some wonderful people in & connected to the community, but it's structure is inherently competitive & confrontational. The rules, belief sets and methodologies may fix a leak and help in the short term, but they can damage the very foundations of a person too. In a community where the goal is helping & happyness why would anyone need to argue?

There is great advice out there & I learned a lot from it personally, but if I were to do it all over again. I'd do it very differently, and at arms length. As someone who always valued honesty, I could not get into a community where being fake and pretending to like people was essential. Yet that is exactly what the most loved are doing. Make no mistake about it. The heroes bitch about their worshippers, who are too blindly devoted to care. Sad really.

Self help is a useful tool, but a terrible & damaging crutch.

On another note. My dog Aggy is amazing. Everytime we think she has lost the ability to walk, a day later she is back at it, especially when food is on the table. Incredible how dogs can suddenly walk when food is around. Dogs have always been a grounding influence on me, reminding us all what is important in life is much more the person you are, and the impact you leave... than any big idea or utopian dream you may have.

For a short while I replaced being a person who was building his way towards and end point, to the guy who had the big dream. That is a cunning trick the dreamer deludes themselves with. "I am a good person, and right because of what will happen". It absolves you of responsibility for right now. When the only thing that exists within your remit is right now.

I've kinda got back to that. Not because of Eckhart Tolle or any other influencial thinker... but from daily having something to do, someone to call or an interview to attend. Spending all your energy fixing the radio means taking your hands of the steering wheel. I did that. I focussed all my attention on a small problem, and lost the big picture.

Never again. Lesson learned.