Been doing a lot of thinking on the power of delusion lately & just how common it is used by people. My favourite book "Radical Honesty" talks about the mind creating a prison of beliefs. Like a cage of ideas which we restrict ourselves with & do not question. It ties in pretty well with a discussion I had with Ryan recently that subjectively you can never know the truth. So anyone who claims to be the bearer of the truth is usually trying to convince you, so that they can validate their own belief. An interesting question; do you care if people agree with you?
Challenging a belief head usually meets with resistance. When someone acts defensive it means they are defending the identity they have attached to their beliefs rather than considering what you say. The reason the Buddhist teaching;
A wise man accepts he knows nothing
...exists is not a statement about being humble (although being humble can be useful). Humility has never been something I'm very good at. However the knowledge that truth exists outside myself, and that I am blinded constantly by my own bias has been. For some reason that always made sense.
In short, no matter how strongly you or I ever believe we are right about something, or that the other person is wrong. We have to accept we too could be wrong. It's reached the point where (although it may not seem like it), I defend my opinions because I've thought about them a lot. Rather than having any real attachment to them. Usually getting defensive about an opinion, is usually a pretty good sign that your identity is tied to that opinion.
Why would you ever need to get upset about something you knew was not true?
Sometimes our emotions know things, our mind hasn't yet accepted.
Don't get me wrong, I get annoyed and disappointed when people believe hurtful things that I consider incorrect... but the truth will always come out in the end. Why not skip the denial and check with your conscience, could the other person be right? If the answer to that is no, and you've looked over all the evidence many times... great. It's still a useful exercise though.
The answer could also very well be yes, yes I was wrong. The people that matter know I can apologise and back down no matter how loud I have been. Is it wrong that I expect others to do that? Who knows maybe I am capable of being humble? Just not good at playing nice to people I actually don't care about... Well none of those have access to this blog, and even if they do. It's not intended for them.
Annoyingly, many of the people who have grievances with me could probably raise them with me & I would accept them if it was done right & if they had a point. (That's a big if) My mum, Scott & even Ryan have always been able to criticise me without taking me challenging their idea back personally. The best has to be Heather my career coach though. I reply with my thoughts, and if its well put there is no "I'm right, because I feel like you wronged me" with her. It's just "well consider this, and this scenario". Thoughtful, simple... the way things should be.
Ahhh. I hope to get better at that skill. I admire it.
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