For me personally it's been a period of change & transition that has not always been easy, but certainly feels worthwhile. I can't think of many years in my past where I made peace with a lot of what used to be, and changed what is/was. Things that come to mind include old friends, family & old work friends. Getting back in touch is not always a waste of time it seems. Who you used to be, is not always a bad thing.
As we all face testing times, a crisis of confidence & a gloomy prevailing sense of despair. We have an opportunity to question some of the underlying beliefs we took for granted. Were some of the views that we relied on part of our downfall?
I've always been an optimist, taking the best from a situation and generally been content as a default setting. With such a mindset, things feel unchanging, constant and life is very stable. So its often only when reflecting over the longer term you realise how you may have changed. years ago I was much more career focussed by default. Not because I wanted to be, but because it felt like it was the only way to be. There was no choice.
Then in the middle of 2006 that started to change. My priorities moved, with work being "in the pocket" so to speak and unchanging; stable & certain. Life felt like it needed excitement, zest and risk. This meant focussing on being social, spending more time out of the house and preaching this new found method of being to all who would listen. For a while the change served me well. I learned a lot very quickly and gained from it.
Things like the credit crunch sneak up on you. There are a few who warn of what might be to come, it sounds like hysteria & often it's never as bad as they suggest. There are signs that too much of a good thing can over time be very very bad.
At the beginning of 2008 shots were fired. I was confronted as not being who I was, this culminated especially after I got back from Vegas in January. There I had found like minded people who saw something in me. A spark, potential & maybe more. The stark contrast of that experience and the cold winter I returned home to was hard to deal with. Here I was with long hair, a rock star persona & living the social life... and people were doubting me. How could this be?
The low point struck while in Cancun in March. A place renowned for its partying atmosphere & looked upon by many as the holy grail of party destinations. Yet the whole thing felt hollow, stage managed, easy to manipulate but pointless.
While there, I spent a little time online chatting with old friends whom I'd clashed with. It was beginning to come clear that my life needed more direction. I had made a lot of plans, but not finished them. Something was missing. But what?
I got home, and for a time things were ok. There was a growing sense that a big change was coming. Everything I heard, read or did had a sense of change or difference. After two years of battling the system at work the opportunity came up to take the money and run. Soliciting any advice, from every possible outlet, the only answer was "yes, do it".
So I pushed the button, the change was made, and the first domino fell. Now there was no choice, and uphill battle was coming, but when would that be apparent? Summer was very quiet and I was learning from new sources how to use the skills that had laid dormant within me for years. How to work the system, the job market, how to advertise and promote yourself. With that came a sense of purpose and achievement that had been missing for a while. It became clear, that my focus had to change.
Yet over a year after having stopped cheering about a lifestyle of risk, of social prizes coming first... I was still receiving criticism from some quarters no matter what I did or said. September hit and the whole world implodes. Things taken for granted like the stability of banks, friendships & who we are were all questioned at the same time. Transition was inevitable, yet the prevailing sensation was very still.
I had a sense urgent action was needed, what action exactly wasn't clear. Banks were bailed out as I booked a flight bound for LA in late October. A last resort to shake things up, and regain some kind of stability for the economy. For me, a chance to meet some new people & take a break from the negative front at home.
I have to thank Sorah, Jen & Melissa for making my LA experience brilliant, and reminding me that I can, given a chance... chill out with people and enjoy my life. In a context where there are no expectations I remembered that yes... maybe I do have some potential. I just need to guide it.
When I got home I knew it was time to get my head down. November was here, I had put effort into job hunting, but not into being the best possible candidate and employee. My goal is to be that, and for once to be the best possible me I can be in terms of delivery. Not turning up and getting by on 20% effort... but pushing, hustling, working
Who knows where it will lead... but they say recessions are gift wrapped opportunities for the able and capable. 2009 in review, will it be good news or bad?
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2 comments:
Yes, I shall take full credit. You forgot to mention how the Bow changed your perspective on cats.
Bow is the greatest.
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