Thursday, March 05, 2009

New Job

So my blogs have gotten a little sparse lately, what with the new job and the worst cold ever. Out of guilt here are a few things going through my mind.

  • I want to know why this cold is haunting me, and whos leg I have to hump to make it go away
  • If you use the term "blue sky thinking" you just gave up your ability to speak, and replaced with with a cliché, and SUCK
  • Getting up for work in the morning stifles my creative tweeting skills
  • Why does my throat feel like I deep throated a cactus
  • I need a crackberry, but then Id never get any work done. Hmmm
  • I've noticed how little you miss the internet, and how much more quiet it seems when you don't use it as much
  • Karima Francis is amazing.
  • BT want to charge me £4.70 for each old bill I request a copy of, for proof of address. Annoying

Each of those has a paragraph of amusing Sy rant potential. Sadly, I must dash, pizza is ready.

Sunday, March 01, 2009

A New Dawn

Sundays should feel apocalyptic somehow, because work is the next day. I admit I'm nervous in that good excited kind of way. It feels like there is a big hill to attack and that excites me and makes adrenaline rush.

Last night was fun. Had one of those nights that don't really have a distinct plan. They always turn into the best nights out. Not sure why that happens, maybe its the Buddhist detachment from outcome, or just maybe it's doing something different. Either way, you end up in a bar you've never noticed before having a ton of fun with people you haven't seen in a while.

Just what the doctor ordered.


Why haven't I found this website before? It has Richard Branson giving an amazing interview about his life, and what inspires him. Bill Gates talking about how to solve some of the worlds biggest problems, and is possibly one of the few sites that will draw you in like wikipedia & youtube... but instead of being pure entertainment. It's inspiring too.

Thursday, February 26, 2009

Nerd ADD.




They say men can't multi task, but do Nerds count as men? Tell me to rub my belly and pat my head & I'm already thinking about what's for dinner and how to improve my gym work out.

The media age we live in, and its constant endless flow of information is too much for most of the population. So they end up with spyware riddled PCs suffering from winrot after a year, when all they did was surf for a little porn, and chat on facebook a bit. See most people look at the PC as a big fat phone. It is functional, but to Nerds? It's a window into the bit of the brain our memory isn't good enough to deal with.

What was that song I wanted to listen to? Oh yeah NP: Lamb of God - Reclamation.

rands explains it better.

Stop reading right now and take a look at your desktop. How many things are you doing right now in addition to reading this column? Me, I’ve got a terminal session open to a chat room, I’m listening to music, I’ve got Safari open with three tabs open where I’m watching Blogshares, tinkering with a web site, and looking at weekend movie returns. Not done yet. I’ve got iChat open, ESPN.COM is downloading sports new trailers in the background, and I’ve got two notepads open where I’m capturing random thoughts for later integration into various to do lists. Oh yeah, I’m writing this column, as well.


See, if I do the same task here is the answer. Two firefox windows. One has facebook, this blog, lifehacker, BBC News, a better writing article & rands in repose article. The other has a bunch of windows about java mobile application development. I can't bring myself to close those, because they're not quite worthy of bookmarking. I have my email inbox open, and tweetdeck feeding my live updates. uTorrent is downloading a few things, I have a log file with todays thoughts and ideas as well as winamp entertaining my ears.

The truth is, without those distractions, I don't work as well & can't get through any task. Sharing my time between each of them results in me hitting this zone where round pegs do your bidding and nestle right into that square hole. Good little round peg.

Monday, February 23, 2009

New music, New Social Networking, New Cloud?

Yes, I do love the new TI & Justin Timberlake song. The production is stunning, it has strings and hippety hop all in the same song. It's well done, catchy and has a good message. Still there are a few things in there that are annoying. Hip hop has this whole "eyyyyyyy, ohhhhhhhh" thing going on which could be more annoying than stubbing your toe.


After a month or so on Twitter I think I finally get it. By blogging about it, I also join the ranks of the millions of people who do nothing but twitter on about twitter. It's brilliance is that people actually write what they are interested in or up to. With blogs people try to be interesting, or at least have enough content to fill a blog. The character limit and the the URL linking you can be on the bleeding edge of any subject within a matter of seconds.

It got me thinking.

Doesn't email seem like a long time ago now? Why don't all my other services work like twitter, with lots of interesting apps and ways to organise data streaming from what is otherwise pretty unorganised. My MP3s are sorted by artist, my movies by year... but if the Cloud netowork or Semantic web is so smart... Why can't it join up all my data too and sort it in the way twitter does.

The beauty of the cloud is that it works with tripples. That means that we have more than just data and it's title. We know how it relates to other data instantly. A cloud network knows the difference between an MP3 and an avi. It could then sort that data for you, or search it... or tell you who of your friends also has it. Or what they thought of it if they blogged, tweeted or posted on a forum about it.

Services like glue are heading in that direction... but until someone joins the dots. We have a lot of floating data that isn't working as hard is it could. If I want to learn about a subject, or have been given a task I don't know how to complete as a competant net savvy member of Generation Y I would have gone to google or wikipedia and found something

Now I'm including twitter in that search. That shift is seismic and it's coming.

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

The stuff we do.

So today I installed OSX the Mac operating system on a spare bit of hard disk space I have. The problem is, that spare bit is quite small. So installing anything else isn't going to happen. On a PC I'd just install that to another drive or partition. But noooo, its a Mac, it just FAILS. I mean works...



I was even going to do something as simple as change where firefox downloads files to. Then it dawned on me. What no file menu? What kind of a sick OS doesn't give you any options for customisation.

Macs do "just work" provided you are going to do nothing but use software. Start doing anything creative, add in some more powerful hardware and it fails. No wonder Apple always made their own hardware. Microsoft did something incredible with Windows. They made it work with 95% of hardware out of the box.

So why would I embark on such a strange task you ask? Well I wanted to develop an iphone app and have a play. I may just concentrate on the blackberry side to start with. Why? Because it's not Apple nazi-fied.

Monday, February 16, 2009

Splitter!

I know my destination, I'm just not there...

Not as bothered about it as I used to be though. Business suddenly makes sense. Nobody told me the corporate world was 100% political. It may seem stupidly naive but when people told me how business worked & that it's safe to speak your mind, I believed them.

This blog may split 3 or even 4 ways in the near future.


Splitting is never fun, especially since I'll have to go through the archives and do that. But I'm such a scatterbrain, it will make a lot of sense. Lots of ideas :)

Monday, February 09, 2009

Any Given Monday



Sup?

Despite hurting my back this weekend & the occasional bit of shooting pain. I feel pretty good today. It's been a weekend of healing & resting.

I'm not after fame and fortune, I'm after you.
When I've served my time, I swear I'll come back for you.

Just got a call from the benefits lady in Leeds city council. If they process the stuff in time, I should be ina position where I can live & work up to my first pay day without borrowing a penny. That would ROCK so much.

Friday, February 06, 2009

Scandal-Mouse


So guess who went to see Russell Brand on Wednesday, 5 rows from the front? Be jealous.

Or wait for the DVD release... either way. The whole thing is brilliant from top to bottom, especially the live crowd interaction. I was surprised by how he is just how you expect him to be. Quick witted and a bit bemused by the whole circus that goes on around his quaff of hair. Renaming leggings "testosterousers" is a good effort as well as the observation that his look doesn't really work without fame. Heh...

Now I'm free, free fallin...

So sick of waiting to start work. I want to earn money & enjoy the perks that come with it. More than anything the sensation of having achieved something. Success is what I crave, the rewards are a perk.

The sun is shining. I'm thinking what LA will be like for my 25th birthday & who could be convinced to join me out there. *guitar solo*

Lined up for another interview on friday, decent job based in the center of Leeds. Wonder what happens if I get it? It's fun being able to attend an interview with no pressure. Could very realisitcally see myself turning around to TSYS and saying "I needed the extra cash". Who knows. Either way, get the sense I'm not long from climbing the ladder pretty rapidly & enjoying the journey.

Skipping to the last page of a book ruins the ending, doing a level skip cheat ruins a video game & the end of a song is pointless without the full build up. The same is true of life.

Wednesday, February 04, 2009

Scatterbrain

Things running through my head:

Watching the new season of 90210 was weird. The old show looks so dated and kitsch now, but this new one has bright colours and looks like entourage. So I'm thinking "woah it got good", but then it has the perfect family in the middle and can't resist being cheesy. Heh.

Progress huh? There is this one girl who is mixed race, has amazing eyes. Anyways, her whole weekend was put on hold so she could hang out with her dad. Who turned up, gave her a car and left. She later founds out, he left because he's having an affair on her mum. I just thought. OUCH. Take that materialism.

I promise myself and the universe. I'll never be the guy that values money over my time. Time with people is all we have.

The new Rise Against album is amazing. I'm a huge fan of the band. It's pretty easy to see why people wouldn't be straight away. They sound like a lot of bands in there genre. Put them next to NoFX and they could be a clone. But there is something about the harmonies & the lyrics that is a different class. The patterns please me in a classical way, marry that with brilliant lyrics and you have yourself a good combo. Shame their politics are left of Mao.

We’re all ok, until the day we’re not
The surface shines, while the inside rots
We raced the sunset and we almost won
We slammed the brakes, but the wheels went on

Word to the Jen. Bowie is so smart she can like trashy tv ironically.

Is it just me, or do you ever get so stuck into something that seemed brilliant yesterday... that just isn't today. Midnight mania is always best tempered with dawn doubt. Amazing how the time of day affects creativity, emotion & your reactions.

that's when I told her
I love you girl
but I'm not the answer for
the questions that you still have

I get to see Russell Brand tonight. You'd be suprised how difficult it's been to get people to come along with me. Spare tickets, may even go to waste! Shocking.

I need money :(

Monday, February 02, 2009

Cloudy

Somethings you don’t forgive somethings you don’t forget
Sometimes the fate you suffer is so much worse than death
We’re way off course now and we’re drifting out to sea
So cut the anchor on your heart to be set free, set free, set free

Spin out of control
Spin out of control
We try to recover, but collide with each other
We spin out of control
Spin out of control.



So I've spent most of the day learning about cloud networking, and the various layers of abstraction involved with it. It is needless to say quite interesting for a geek like me.

Unquestionably the future of the wibbly wobbly is centered around "trust". Also known as security. The easiest way to achieve trust is with a brand like Google or Amazon. Which is why companies like that are opening up their platforms as a cloud network, and then leasing those out as required.

Still, if we can't decide what a cloud is (beyond the concept) or should look like. How can we trust it?

We're reaching a point where it's becoming difficult to profit from creating the structure of a cloud network. A lot of the non profit organisations don't have corporate support, and the corporations want you to pay them. There are a lot of interesting visions for how to get the web from a data management tool, to an information based tool. The ability to link together not with key words but by the relative similarity between two pieces of information.

Thursday, January 29, 2009

Confusion

Ever needed to pee really bad in a trendy bar, and you get to the toilets and instead of "Men" and "Women" you get some clever gimmick. It happened to me a little while ago and I stood there in horror thinking "I don't know the answer". A friend told me about a bar in London where they are named after the XX and XY chromosomes. Like someone thought that being drunk and needing to pee was the perfect time to do some A Level revision.

Yesterday I found twitter, and like most users the first person I followed was of course Stephen Fry. Before long however this oddity took my attention


Yes indeed, that is a man with a thumb for a head.

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Spirit/Earthy Good... Technology Bad?

The question of whether technology was getting in the way of what it is to be human came up today... and for once it was a jump off point for me.

I know its a cliché to start with a dictionary definition but stick with me. The definition of human provides an interesting vantage point. Perhaps more so than other word definitions because it seems to acknowledge how the word does not simply name a species, but comes packaged with characteristics, observe;

Quote:
1. of, pertaining to, characteristic of, or having the nature of people: human frailty.
2. consisting of people: the human race.
3. of or pertaining to the social aspect of people: human affairs.
4. sympathetic; humane: a warmly human understanding. –noun
5. a human being.
It's not until the very end the species is defined, and even then it is (perhaps purposefully) not genially linked with primates. So humanity itself is not seen as a machine, or technological. Scientists would define a human very differently.

It appears we define ourselves as frail, caring & social creatures. To have a "human" quality is a good thing. So from that you could extrapolate that we also believe deep down we are at our core: good. Despite the many ailments and mistakes we have made, the interesting way in which a word is defined by how it is used is a clue, and a great starting point for discussing what it is to be human. It's interesting that emotions, rather than intellect is what defines us. Despite all our advancements, we define our world by how we feel about it.

How Technology & spirituality are viewed.

People have a tendency see the technology and spirituality as fundamentally opposed. Technology on the one hand is most often associated with pollution, corporations and greed. While 'spirituality' is given a special reverence by 99% of us, even if we are critical of the larger organised religion. Most of us have some belief. There are exceptions of course to both view points, but for the sake of discussion the assumption "spirituality good", "technology bad" is what I want to examine.

It could be fairly argued that technology has helped us more than hindered. After all technology took us from small groups of hunter gatherers, to the top of the food chain. Because of technology, even those in poverty live better than wild animals. We often don't associate things like Farming, making fire or medicine as technology. Yet fire was the iphone of it's day, providing warmth, cooking food and scaring off potential predators. We may have thanked the sky for the fire God, but it was the technology that allowed us to harness fire, not an emotion or belief.

So technology appears to suffer from an image problem. Is there is something all together sinister about technology? It can certainly appear that way. Between robots taking over the world, and nuclear holocaust, we seem pretty convinced technology will be our undoing. We don't trust it because it seems cold and we cannot relate to it (well some of us feel that way). and lets face it, technology hasn't alwats been perfect, it brought us the Atomic bomb, Asbestos and The Crazy Frog.

Yet our technology reflects us, we created tools, tools that reflect our needs... and we don't always like our reflection. Technology is created to solve a problem efficiently. It is not often made to make us feel good. The technology that is, we tend to love!

Spirituality too has caused it's wars & had its problems. The majority of human conflict even in this "enlightened" age comes from spiritual belief. Despite being associated with all that is good, spirituality has its darker side. Like technology, belief has been used to harm as well as help.

Religions have their own view of why those wars and problems exist, but very rarely accept fault for it. Spirituality has systematically escaped blame for a lot of its crimes (can you think of a religion that apologises often?). But... and this is a big round jello But... Religion and spirituality are also the greatest force for good in humanity. It is a conduit for charity & acts as a moral boundary to our dark side. Spirituality can do what technology often can't, it makes us feel better. It serves that purpose well.

Humanity as a species, is at its happiest when not thinking and simply connected with life and the feeling of being alive. There are many disciplines of meditation, but most have the same goal. A clear mind, and the wave of endorphins that follow. We have for a long time associated that much more with our brand of religion or spirituality, rather than the discipline of mediation or the good fortune of "being". In effect the good feeling we get from meditating allows us to think "Spirituality good" in simple terms.

Technology was not created to make us feel good, and yet now it surrounds us. So we find ourselves wondering "why doesn't technology make me feel good like spirituality does". We are a silly species.

Spirituality vs Technology; battle to the inevitible compromise.

So to the question of does technology separate us from God? There is no clear answer. Especially when the nature of "God" is so very subjective.

The more interesting question is can technology separate us from God?

One would think a harmonious being like a God would not need to conflict with simple technology. Technology itself simply is. It cannot be good or evil unless it is used by a human. It cannot drive us, unless it is first driven. By its very nature it is incapable of judgement or malice. Yes we can be seduced to by it, and yes it can be misused. But misusing technology, or creating bad technology is a human choice. Technology then is a reflection of humanity and an extension of it.

Technology could not separate us from God by the definition of omnipitence or omnipresence. The argument that it distracts or seduces us, is essentially another judgement of humanity. It is a simple disagreement about how to live.

Spirituality does not need to argue with technology, although it consistently finds itself doing so. It is a system of belief that has come about from two things. Our emotional need to love and care, combined with a desire to feel better in tough times. When we need to feel better, our mind gets creative. Psychologists call it "justifying". It is the same behaviour a junkie uses to explain away their addiction... and indeed we are addicted to feeling good.

So why would spirituality need to deionise technology? It's an interesting question, since on the basic level there isnt a single peice of kit that would argue with the concept of a loving parental "God". Yet when we justify, we don't try to think simply. If we're creating something to make us feel better, why stop at a loving God? Why not have a loving God who will tell you off if you don't follow the current moral consensus? That too would make you feel better about how you live your life.

So when spirituality makes us feel good. Being connected with the earth makes us feel good... yet we still feel bad. What can we blame?

It suits the agenda of some spiritualists to claim technology is separating us from God.

1) It's a pretty easy scape goat
2) Humans remember technology going wrong, no matter how much it goes right.

Feeling good about technology?

I believe the idea of a God that separates us from life, which is all around us. A parental, omnipotent figure of judgement and wisdom is more likely to guilt is into behaving, than persuade us. The "being" part of a "Human being" is often overlooked. Through meditation and many other avenues we can enjoy life, with technology or without it. So the question remains...

What is it to be human?

To be human is to be curious.

You can feel good by meditating, listening to your instincts or even listening to music. Enjoy it

Monday, January 26, 2009

Got my wings back

Last night me and Annie hit TGI Fridays after Lucie's birthday & had get this: An Apple Waffle Crunch. That's one of those trippled barrelled names. It might as well be called Bodacious Flavoursome Awesomeness. My god, it is quite possibly the best thing to happen to my face this year (well that and the return of the beard, woo). I mean an Apple and Cinamon flavoured waffle, with syrup & crumble & ice cream. That's several times a cherry on top. That dessert alone is karma paying me back for the whole cancer thing. Being alive rocks.

Little Parkerton is a star, I don't even know half the shit we talk about. Always fun though :)

Sunday, January 25, 2009

Just another Fun Day Sunday

There is something fun about a Sunday, something lazy & wonderful. Maybe it comes from its sabbath history, or because so many people don't work on Sundays... but it has this wonderfully relaxing vibe. A vibe than the frenzied Saturday, or the empty promising Friday can't match. I feel good today, for no particular reason, other than that's my default setting :)

Been doing a lot of thinking on the power of delusion lately & just how common it is used by people. My favourite book "Radical Honesty" talks about the mind creating a prison of beliefs. Like a cage of ideas which we restrict ourselves with & do not question. It ties in pretty well with a discussion I had with Ryan recently that subjectively you can never know the truth. So anyone who claims to be the bearer of the truth is usually trying to convince you, so that they can validate their own belief. An interesting question; do you care if people agree with you?

Challenging a belief head usually meets with resistance. When someone acts defensive it means they are defending the identity they have attached to their beliefs rather than considering what you say. The reason the Buddhist teaching;

A wise man accepts he knows nothing

...exists is not a statement about being humble (although being humble can be useful). Humility has never been something I'm very good at. However the knowledge that truth exists outside myself, and that I am blinded constantly by my own bias has been. For some reason that always made sense.

In short, no matter how strongly you or I ever believe we are right about something, or that the other person is wrong. We have to accept we too could be wrong. It's reached the point where (although it may not seem like it), I defend my opinions because I've thought about them a lot. Rather than having any real attachment to them. Usually getting defensive about an opinion, is usually a pretty good sign that your identity is tied to that opinion.

Why would you ever need to get upset about something you knew was not true?

Sometimes our emotions know things, our mind hasn't yet accepted.

Don't get me wrong, I get annoyed and disappointed when people believe hurtful things that I consider incorrect... but the truth will always come out in the end. Why not skip the denial and check with your conscience, could the other person be right? If the answer to that is no, and you've looked over all the evidence many times... great. It's still a useful exercise though.

The answer could also very well be yes, yes I was wrong. The people that matter know I can apologise and back down no matter how loud I have been. Is it wrong that I expect others to do that? Who knows maybe I am capable of being humble? Just not good at playing nice to people I actually don't care about... Well none of those have access to this blog, and even if they do. It's not intended for them.

Annoyingly, many of the people who have grievances with me could probably raise them with me & I would accept them if it was done right & if they had a point. (That's a big if) My mum, Scott & even Ryan have always been able to criticise me without taking me challenging their idea back personally. The best has to be Heather my career coach though. I reply with my thoughts, and if its well put there is no "I'm right, because I feel like you wronged me" with her. It's just "well consider this, and this scenario". Thoughtful, simple... the way things should be.

Ahhh. I hope to get better at that skill. I admire it.

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

This ever happened to you?

I've been accused of many things in my life, but it usually seems to go a little like this;

When I was 14 I remember catching the school bus one morning, as I did every morning. To see the guys and go play football for an hour before school started. It was a fun routine, come rain or shine that's what happened. This one day it was different however. Upon arriving I see one of my closest friends at the time waiting at the school bus stop. Saying hi, things should have been normal, like any other day. He however says "I'm not getting the bus with you today man", and when I ask why he says "You know what you've done."

Puzzled & stunned the bus to school was quiet, while my head was spinning trying to figure out what he could mean. Now, nobody is perfect, especially not me but given half a chance to explain myself I'm sure it could have been worked out.

Instead I get to school and not only is this guy not talking to me, a couple aren't. It's a quiet and weird day, but there is work to be done and it soon passes. Lunch time rolls around and a few of the guys who until earlier were friends throw a few petty insults & again confusion reigns. Then it's time for an IT lesson & this best friend sits around insulting me & my family.

I'd had enough and question why, to anyone and everyone. The guy himself answers "you know why". Mutual friends are unsure & can see that the insults are out of line. When the next day rolls around and this guy attempts to start a physical fight with me... they stop him. We end up in front of our form teacher a wise RE teacher type who I'd always respected. He makes it pretty clear that true friends are a rare thing & to let a little gossip get in the way of that is wrong. He asks are we "Willing to forgive and forget", to which I say yes provided the abuse stops.

In life we don't get that kind of mediation often. It later turns out that the guy who had spent all this energy trying to tear me down had been lied to & was going through a lot in his personal life. He has since apologised and we actually got on well for quite a while. In effect I was barring the brunt of his issues with the world. An easy target, and scapegoat for everything that was wrong in his life.

History has a way of repeating itself.

Without a chance to explain yourself, its easy to become the bad guy. Especially when dealing with a highly strung bitter individual. We all piss each other off on a regular basis, but how we react to that is what determines friendships. We can either hold a grudge, tell everyone we know & attempt to get revenge. Or it can be worked out. Of course the second option often means being humble and not saving face. Especially when you back yourself into a corner of abusing and demonising the other person for a long time.

It is certainly possible to convince yourself that the root cause of all your problems is the other guy. Yet the only person that can change events is you. The only person who is responsible for your actions is you. The only way to improve your life is to focus on doing that. Not someone elses.

The reason I mention this is because history has indeed repeated itself. Once again I find myself in a position where people are lying to me, others & behind my back because of something that isn't true. It has more to do with a bitter man taking out his frustration, than it does any legitimate complaint. I sit here no saint, but with a clear conscience, a legally audited & unedited paper trail being accused of theft, cowardice & preventing a man from seeing his son.

That would take me from being a flawed good person, to a complete asshole if it were true.

The sad fact is none of it is. It's all based on truth but twisted. The truth always comes out in the end, but frankly I'm sick of waiting. I will not stoop to someone's level if they want to spread lies about me... but 9 months on this is getting pathetic. My patience is almost gone. I moved on a long time ago to focus on the positives in life. If someone else keeps creating trouble they will get exposed.

Can we prove my innocence? Yes we can.

Monday, January 19, 2009

Got it

Those of you who know me well, will know instantly (or within a second or two in Ryans case) what this means. Looking back on it, this mornings post sums up more or less how I feel right now. On the most gloomy day of the year, in the worst economy in nearly a century... I got the job I wanted & a significant salary bump.

Thanks to everyone who believed in me. To all those who knew I could, and would secure something. You are the people that make life worth living.... To the insecure ones who question every decision I ever make. Go fuck yourselves.

It's when you're down, you see who sticks with you. Luckily a few have with me. First and foremost is Cat, my little catastrophe. Believed in me from day 1, the definition of a great friend & quite possibly the reason why I succeeded. Cat was the one who insisted I leave BT, and really made the choice clear to me. That decision has been amazing for me.

Of course I gotta mention my Mum, who believes in everything I do, Scott the very picture of consistency and reliability. The world can learn from these two, how to be chilled out and not over analyse everything. My dog Aggy, who knows all my secrets & is an inspiration to me. The greeting Aggy gives you is the highlight of any week.

Heather, my career coach, mentor and friend has a way of getting through to me that is both brilliant and succinct. It's nice to be reminded that I can take on good advice so long as its delivered well :). Having someone genuinely talented, whom I respect to believe in me and give me back my confidence & self belief has been the key to getting back where I was. Thanks Heather, for reminding me that yes I am very capable & yes I can and will be a massive success.

Too many people try to convince you that you (me) won't be when they hear your self belief. To quote Simon Cowell. Don't listen to people unless what they say proves itself. There are too many to mention that I'd like to add here. Today is a good day

Blue Monday

So apparently today is the gloomiest day of the year. "Blue Monday" & I'm listening to the blues, but then I never did buy the idea that it was depressing genre. It's more of a release valve for emotion. Today is characterised more by boredom & impatience than anything. Will the company who interviewed me get back with an answer already? I'm ready. More so than ever.

It's funny that the optimists society want to claim today as their own, and quite typical of them really. Although there is something to be said for making your own luck & persistence as opposed to pure optimism. Emotional attachment to the future is pretty useless. To quote the turtle from Kung Fu panda who is hella wise:

Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift. That's why they call it the present

How cool is that! Listening to a Will Smith interview with Radio 1 was revealing. He was saying he almost struggles to dwell on & remember bad times. It sounded familiar. Who needs bad times, fun can be made. All we gotta do is go make it. Easy really :)

Sunday, January 18, 2009

The Awesome - For Jen

So I was chatting to Jen about my recent interview etc, and then things took a twist towards the crazy...

Jen
get a haikoo zoo pet on facebook so mine can play with yours
i have a pandafox

Simon
My goodness, a scavenger and a notoriously lazy bear combo.

Jen
yes, the best kind

Simon
A cheetah rhino would be unstoppable.
2inch thick skin, and FAST
A chino
or a Rheeta

Jen
hahahhaha
please post this convo on your blog and label it The Awesome Column

So here it is the awesome column. From 2nd century battles between a cat, and a guy in a hat. To chimaera creatures, bred for their best assets.

Saturday, January 17, 2009

New Music & Sunshine

Bloodsimple have a song called Whiskey Bent & Hellbound. It's really energetic and suits my mood on a Saturday afternoon, having just cleaned the apartment and with the sun shining.

For anyone who is interested in the Gaza conflict, there is a lot of PR & way more emotional manipulation of the media going on from both sides. Lord Levy absolutley nails the situation better than I ever could.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/programmes/this_week/7832842.stm

Also. Whatever happened to earning money? To deserving success? The new film Slumdog millionaire features a main character who tries to win the jackpot to impress a girl. Is this now the accepted way in which we buy attention. Not through strength of character, originality or personality... but by striking it lucky. Fairytales are often more evil than a tragedy, more hollow & utterly soul destroying if followed. People scramble to become a D list celebrity, for some kind of status, to climb the ladder without taking any steps themselves.

Taking shortcuts is the quickest way to short term success. I remember as a 7 year old being asked to play a game where we would bid for what we wanted in our lives. Like an auction for achievement. It was very interesting that everyone spent their money on having money. Leaving me to clean up with a good job, my health & happyness and money to spare.

C'est la vie.

Thursday, January 15, 2009

An Interview & A lesson learned.

Maybe its the caffeine, or perhaps it's the eerie lack of light since the light bulb blew in my bedroom... but the worst part about having just had an interview. Is the sense that it might have gone really well. Or it might just have been close, but no cigar.

The company was pretty cool, the future of the company looks bright, and the bosses seemed like decent people who I could spend time around & respect. It doesn't feel like a home run, but certainly a base hit. Everyone who had their fingers crossed for me... that good karma may come in handy! Watch this space.

The whole experience did reinforce a few things that have been swilling around in the brain of Sy lately. A long time ago I wrote an "Open letter to Game Haters" suggesting that guys wanting to improve their abilities with women systematically is a good thing. I stand by that idea. However in practice and with a few years experience under the belt, some grave concerns have developed. If the online community was what it claimed to be, supportive & helpful then yes it would be a very good thing.

It is however a honeypot for the needy. It is filled with hero worship, fanboy arguments & 9 out of 10 people offering advice, very few actually listening. Having met a large percentage of the "top guys" in the community the majority of them are a mess. They may have the ability to seduce any woman, but is that how success as a man is measured... or success as a boy

There are some wonderful people in & connected to the community, but it's structure is inherently competitive & confrontational. The rules, belief sets and methodologies may fix a leak and help in the short term, but they can damage the very foundations of a person too. In a community where the goal is helping & happyness why would anyone need to argue?

There is great advice out there & I learned a lot from it personally, but if I were to do it all over again. I'd do it very differently, and at arms length. As someone who always valued honesty, I could not get into a community where being fake and pretending to like people was essential. Yet that is exactly what the most loved are doing. Make no mistake about it. The heroes bitch about their worshippers, who are too blindly devoted to care. Sad really.

Self help is a useful tool, but a terrible & damaging crutch.

On another note. My dog Aggy is amazing. Everytime we think she has lost the ability to walk, a day later she is back at it, especially when food is on the table. Incredible how dogs can suddenly walk when food is around. Dogs have always been a grounding influence on me, reminding us all what is important in life is much more the person you are, and the impact you leave... than any big idea or utopian dream you may have.

For a short while I replaced being a person who was building his way towards and end point, to the guy who had the big dream. That is a cunning trick the dreamer deludes themselves with. "I am a good person, and right because of what will happen". It absolves you of responsibility for right now. When the only thing that exists within your remit is right now.

I've kinda got back to that. Not because of Eckhart Tolle or any other influencial thinker... but from daily having something to do, someone to call or an interview to attend. Spending all your energy fixing the radio means taking your hands of the steering wheel. I did that. I focussed all my attention on a small problem, and lost the big picture.

Never again. Lesson learned.